Last night, I set you free.
Released you - as you asked to be.
Even though all of your actions show you don't want to let go or for me to let go.
I look forward to when you free yourself from the karmic karnival and see that while I have actually released you, I did so with loving intention, and have not "left" you, as you've always feared I would. As most all others have done to you.
I know the day is coming soon. My sources and intuition say you'll likely reach out within a week, though that spin went pretty deep, and I know me being healed enough to say goodbye and point out that YOU asked for that and all the other things I've done; after giving you multiple opps to just say sorry and stop being a jerk - I know that hurts on a whole new level.
Much in the way it did when I tried to be kind when pregnant with our oldest, and didn't want to make you feel "trapped" by something neither of us expected - which made you feel I didn't "need" you, and spun you out. Ironically, I did need you in every way. I've just always chosen relationships of love, not of obligation, and thought you would find it healing that you had a choice in it, and weren't going to be forced to do anything you didn't want to, even though everyone else treated it like a "have to"; including you. Though I remember you telling me how hard it was, when you felt like I didn't "need" you, and how clear it is that you don't feel "loved" unless you are "needed" and feel "obligated", that you feel lesser or like you're not good enough.
Which, despite that not being the reason I released you, I actually know it will be very healing for you to feel like me and the boys don't "need" you. Esp in the ways I said goodbye, in saying that I've been "alone" long enough, have healed enough, and respect myself enough to give you what YOU asked for - to "move on", that it will make your shadow work unavoidable.
Not to mention, my genuine love for you is more clear now than ever, and ten times moreso in the way I let you go, that it will show what I've been trying to show you. That YOU are creating this mess in your avoidance, fearfulness, and constant attempts to hurt me and others before they hurt you.
Which is why I genuinely pray that you use this energy to untangle yourself from the karmic karnival you've been in, and see who is REALLY using you, trying to hurt you, and keeping you from your abundance and happiness - which is fortunately and unfortunately mostly you doing it to yourself. And I hope that that happens before your karmics trick or force you into any further legal entanglements, or try to push you to get the courts involved with us. Which I did my best to warn you about, and prove I wasnt trying to avoid trouble myself, and genuinely was looking out for YOU - esp w/your record of getting screwed by the courts when you actually were on the righteous side of things.
Though if you get yourself in that deep and make the mess bigger, all I can do is let you and keep praying for your healing, esp as spirit continues to reveal the truth to you; about yourself as well as those "closest" to you currently.
Cuz if not, you could end up creating or being pushed into karmic cycles that will take a very long time to untangle from. Esp if the karmic you live with manages to complete her scam w/the foster kid w/your name as the other guardian. Esp as, when the state takes child support from you for our kids, that will give her legal rights to get child support from you too....I wanted to warn you about that....but considered you already saw me as the devil trying to beguile you, it seemed best to just pray spirit will help you avoid it, and help that poor kid be protected from the karmic convincing him or anyone, that she wants him for any other reason then money from the tribe and to trap you even after she leaves you.
Which became extra clear she's very close to doing, when you said she intended to use her section 8 scam to put her 18 year old in a TWO bedroom apartment instead of using it to help pay the bills at your house and for all the stuff she has you buy for her.
I really wish you could see what I see, and didn't see me as the enemy.
Even your own family has been seeing what she's doing, but they fear you'll treat them like you've been treating me, so they don't say much,.
I mean really. Why would she not help you with the bills if she loved you genuinely?
Why would she emasculate you, and let all your bank accounts go under, create circumstances she knew would make me keep the kids from being around her, and then try to get you to take me to court - which also costs YOU more money?
Why wouldn't she be up for having healthy boundaries, and helping with the bills?
Why would she tell you I'm the enemy, and then tell you lies that make it look like she's synchronistically connected to me, that she had to have known you would find out were lies?
And why keep you from getting any furniture in the house for you or the kids?
Why make you jealous using her ex's?
Why embarass you in front of everyone?
Why cheat on you, and then accuse you of being disloyal?
Why refuse to let you have any privacy or time alone when you're not at work?
Why try to control Cabbie or keep you too busy and conflict fearful to complete the parenting plan?
And then why use her scams to get a TWO bedroom apartment for her son?
She's already planning to leave you.
She's mad about you not being "controllable", and that she could never get me to stop loving you or you to stop loving me, most ESP after you kicked her and her family out of your house for that day.
She isn't screwing things up because she "can't help it" because of her brain damage.
She's doing it because she was already bored with you, already nearing the end of her regular pattern w/the men she uses and then discards before a year is over, and wants to make sure that you have nothing before she goes - most esp me and the boys, and if she can help it, that she has child support from you that when combined w/the high child support the state will make you pay me, that you will never be able to afford to have a home, save for a home, or anything; and if she can manage to make you make enough of an ass out of yourself, that when she does to you what she did to the others - claims you're an abusive addict who will hurt her if she doesn't get their help and flee, that they will believe her and so will everyone else.
Which is the same thing your ex wife did to you, in coming over to goad you into pulling out your own phone line, so she could get you charged w/a DV conviction, so she'd have all the power, access to most of your money, and everyone would believe you were really that awful - including yourself.
I really hope that spirit shows you this soon.
Maybe even this blog, if you remember that I sent it to you.
Cuz this is your "360" cycle. It's meant to help you end the cycle before it gets that bad, and have enough self respect and boundaries to stand up for yourself and end the circus before you are held to it for years.
Which won't be the end of the world if it happens, but it will likely feel that way to you. Esp when you realize everything I said to you has been true, and that you didn't listen, and instead pushed me so far away as to actually go.
You're rather fortunate it's me though.
Which is funny that you thought you could win and delay paying child support by trying to trigger an old would of claiming I'll screw you over like her and your ex wife, and wanting a "middle person" to distribute the money so that I would never feel in control of it - cuz while most of it is going to my parents for rent and groceries for the boys, the rest is going into savings so we can buy a house that has all the space for YOU to join us when you're ready. Whether that's in a few months - as has been predicted many times, or in a few years when you've learned some self love and self respect.
Which is the primary reason I'm not allowing you either to delay paying, or to control whether or not I have control over the money, which you have no legal right to choose anyways. whether or not I've made mistakes with money in the past. You lost that right when you left, and made it even less of a right when you refused to work on coparenting this whole time and not pay any child support, to only just now have that plan - which everyone can see is spiteful and more about delaying paying because it will mean you loose the house and pisses the karmic off, then about anything I've actually done.
Unfortunately, I think another of her plans is to try to get you to feel so defeated between what she's doing and what she's telling you I am doing, that you try to quit your job and give up, so you don't have to pay anything, and likely end up in jail to boot.
Which unfortunately is your karma for being just as vengeful and spiteful to me, when I've been good to you in every possible way you've allowed me to be. Most of which I know you didn't even see until recently, when I stopped holding you up and being self sacrifical.
Either way, if that happens. I know you'll recall the first time I came up to your shop after you left, and warned you that if you continued on this path, you would end up right back where you were when
I found you - living in your cars, avoiding jobs, and getting more and more screwed by the woman you thought you loved and who you gave up everything for.
Again, you're lucky it's me on the other end here. Who can see all this and still give you grace.
So if that happens, I know that either you will reach out and make everything right again, or that spirit will connect us through syncs as it did the first few times, and help me be the angel in your life again.
Unfortunately, all of this really isn't necessary. Though you have a strong pain and shame cycle that you're afraid to face and heal. So it seems that it might go that far, just to help break away the mask you've glued onto your body, so you can finally learn to love yourself - flaws and all.
Anyways, Sir....
It's time for me to cook dinner for the fam.
I love you.
I know this is hard.
Esp when you're likely assuming the way I said goodbye meant you can't talk to me or see the kids - which again, is NOT what I said, lol. Though I know you, and that you "feel" like that's what I meant. So I know wthis is an extra hard time for you. Esp when I iknow that in being able to say goodbye, I've proven to you that I wasn't lying or trying to control. And THAT makes you feel like a true asshole.
Though as I said, I have complete faith in you, and love you unconditionally.
I know you're already seeing the truth, and will find the will to set yourself free and correct things soon - as you started to in the beginning.
You've got this.
You can do it.
