Dear Cabbit...I still love you, and I still know it all works out...

Crazy.

Not crazy.

Trust me, I've been through all scenarios.

Flaws or not.

Strangeness or not. 

I still love you.

And I still stand by the first post in this blog.

IT ALL WORKS OUT FOR US.

And it's coming sooner than I thought, and that you thought.

Dear Cabbit... you're so adorable..

Right now is one of many moments when you've manifested space between us Communication wise.

I've been jokingly thinking of sending you a message like "this must mean that last bit of communication wasn't expected, and that you weren't specific about how you wanted it to look..."

Though I'm enjoying just moving forward not worrying about it.

Funny enough, while I know from the "texts you've never sent" that you decided to send two days after asking me if I wanted to see, and how I modified them in an evolved way to how I annotated our convo from when you were being a jerk about having crappy boundaries with your ex's who then get you into trouble and end up hurting us both - that you're in what my friend and I call a "jello place"...

That you're feeling like what I did was painful, though not necessarily bad or hurtful...

That the old immature version of you who lived in ego and victimhood, is struggling to hold on a lil bit longer, as the new version of you gets stronger and keeps clipping away those old strings of toxicity and stinking thinking and embraces the wonderful absurdity of your love for yourself, for me, for our boys, for the contrast and compliment between us, and for your responsibility, accountability, and power...

1:42pm - 7

Delicious...

Dear Cabbit... didn't see that coming, eh?

You know what's funny.

When you were spiteful about taking our youngest into your circus when I said no, the thing that kept me from returning that spite, was my trust in spirit that spite brings the worst kind of karma, and that I didn't need to do anything.

Now seeing how tg went, how you were so afraid to enjoy decorating the tree here with your boys because the QoSr would be upset that you refused to have fun and stormed out of the house, shows me you're likely to have a crappy xmas too.

Followed by a crappy new year.

All surrounded only by the replacement rebound family you choose, and no one else.

No friends.

No family.

None of your kids.

No me.

Except for the text I'll know you send, expressing the leaking misery in your heart for lying, hiding, cheating, being a coward, and choosing toxic ppl who have effectively triggered enough of your own shadows that none of the good ppl in our lives can stand to be in your house or around you.

Leaving you only the energy of other toxic ppl refusing to face their ShadowWork, to "fill up your cup".

Which is icky energy to be filled with.

I know you already feel this.

And I know it's causing your mask to crack and giving your inner being more chances to speak to you and show you what your heart really wants.

Which is what's helping me redirect my focus to other things.

Cuz this leg of this cycle is for you.

To feel true loneliness.

Like you did as a kid.

And feel that.

And face down your ego.

An ego which has lied to you and told you this is how life has to be.

I have faith that you're facing this ego now.

Esp after you asked permission to send me some of the notes/texts you've never sent and you admitted you tried to grow up too fast and really have no idea what it means to be "Big".

I know you're doing your ShadowWork now.

I know the karmics around you, and spirit removing all the goodness and good ppl and financial abundance, is helping you get down to the bare bones of "you".

That is exciting.

I look forward to your next communication.

This part of the journey is going to get fun 😊

Dear Cabbit...the recycles are ever more interesting...

 Dearest Cabbit...

I have to say...esp after you revealed yourself to be shopping for black currents to create some "separation" in that old green house of yours...that the recycles are growing more and more interesting...

I've been think of the synchronistic reoccurence of events in the karmic situationship and with things that happen with us; together and individually, as "recycles".

Dear Cabbit...all I want for Xmas is you...

I spend more of my "journaling" time either doing voice memos or writing in a paper notebook.

I keep thinking to come back on here and post again.

Though I'm exhausted with all that's happened.

Just know, I'm still thinking of you.

Dreaming of you coming home - recognizing YOU are "home" and that I am "home"...

By Xmas...

And until the day comes...

I'm just giving myself the "win" of believing that's true...

Cuz why not?

If it feels good.

Do it.

I miss telling you that.

I'm sure you miss hearing it.

See you soon my love.

Forever, always, and completely yours.

~Madame Rose~