It's the one of the only reasons I can think of; outside of knowing you're getting gaslit and driven totally deep into your paranoia, reactivity, and all the grief you've refused to release, for you to continually be accusing me of "interfering" in your situationship and trying to "control" you or to prevent you from "living your life".
The other reason is that I'm sure you're accusing the QoSr of doing that same stuff, and likely your ex wife as well - maybe even others. Most of whom are actually trying to control you & the way you live your life. So as per usual, your sexism is showing - with your projections that because I have last parts and show you some attention, of course I just "must" be trying to control you and break you up.
Though honestly, there are so many very obvious reasons for me to avoid doing those very things, and every bit of evidence and history that I wouldn't - that it is absurdly LAUGHABLE that you'd accuse me of it.
In fact, I'm going to count the ways here:
1. Most Importantly: I would hate myself for being the kind of person who would intentionally try to ruin someone else's relationship. Even one I know isn't meant to be, and that is hurting someone I care about. That's not my job, and I wouldn't be okay with someone else doing that to me.
2. I called for this very seperation and told you to leave and go grow SPECIFICALLY because I felt you were only with me because I was safe, because you felt forced to stay unless I dumped you, and because you were constantly paranoid that I was going to do all the things to you that all your ex's have done, did do, and are STILL currently doing to you. I didn't want you if you didn't choose to be with me and couldn't happy list of to any naysayers exactly why you love me and want to be with me. I didn't want to be with someone who could cause so many problems and then make it my fault. I certainly didn't want to be with someone who put me last in favor of toxic ex's and friends. And I didn't want to be with someone who put such little effort into being a healthy active dad, a loving and honest partner, and could stand in his truth and say what he wants very clearly any time. As of this point, you haven't grown out of ANY of those habits, and since the QoSr came back from Cali the second time, just as I predicted, you have gone back to the other dimension and gotten worse about all of these traits. And as I have told you repeatedly - including in text where there is documented proof - I am not going back to any relationship with you where we'd go right back into the same toxic cycles that you're going through all on your own.
3. You would hate me, and have every reason to hate me and hold a grudge about it, if I actually flexed my power and "interfered". And what's funniest about this, is that I could actually ruin your situationship and break you up. You know it. I know it. The QoSr probably knows it too. Hell, just going through child support would do that, and that wouldn't even be doing anything wrong. Though we both know it would take away enough money that you would lose the house or have to invite in other trouble to be about to afford it, and would still be super broke - at which point, the QoSr will definitely leave you. As money, status, and the ability to control you are the only reason she's with you. Well, that and feeling like she gets to "win". Though with the Air and Fire sign placements in your chart, when you don't have financial stability, you are cruel, wreckless, and completely uncontrollable. You become a S.A.M. Hell, just with her spending habits and your own bad spending habits, you are already hitting all those points, and have already kicked her out several times, even for demanding reasonable things - like that you stop drinking so much. I could also do what your ex wife and other Ex's have been doing, and be hanging out at your house all the time and taking all your attention - asking "us she upset" a bunch, as if I didn't know why, like highschool bullies do. Heck, just a couple of well placed phone calls to her, would create so much drama between to the two of you, that it would be over very quickly. And that's not all I could do - esp with you drinking so much, and how often you kick your own door wide open for me to come in and create drama - including trying to get me to come over and sit in front of your house, trying to use my car as a "prop" to make them think you're helping me, putting me on your rental insurance, telling me she wanted to kick my ass, telling me how insecure she is, telling me some kicked them out several times, telling me she's "trapped" you, telling me they steal from you, telling me there are holes in the walls from drama with them, telling me she's doing drugs, suggesting I come knock on the door just to piss her off, telling me that she uses other guys to make you jealous, making it clear she's been cheating on you from the beginning, and all your efforts to get me to write you off and tell you you can't see the boys for good. There are so many ways you've opened up the door for me to participate in the drama over there, even after I told you I wasn't going to, and that you don't need me help with that. I could do a whole lot of damage if I was that kind of person. I know you better than anyone, I'm a human behavior nerd, I'm a witch, and I am your children's mother. It wouldn't be hard. In fact, because of my own possessiveness and desire to rescue you, it's a lot harder not to throw my weight around, then it is to not do so. Though I've always appreciated and pushed myself to do the right thing ESP when it's hard and even moreso because I genuinely do love your bratty as, and I know you need to learn the lessons that you've been learning - including seeing that I've done nothing except be your friend - even in times when you didn't even deserve that, and doing my best to be a healthy mom and reasonable co-parent.
Either way, considering the only thing I want from you is genuine faithful love; without the fear or narcissism - which should be obvious considering I've literally refused you giving me any money outside of catching up on the phone bill, haven't tried to flirt with you, and am actually pushing for healthy interactions with our boys even at the risk of you seeing them at all because of your reactivity and constant accusations of me trying to interfere and control you - which you have done, it's clear to everyone except you (or maybe it is clear to you, and you're acting this way cuz it upsets you that I won't just be like the toxic women in your life), that I don't want or need anything from you, and am just doing my best to be a better mother and your friend when I know you're in a really shitty and dark place in your life.
Either way - you'd have every reason to hate me and run away from me even more, if I truly did seek to interfere or control you. Heck, even when I've done someone either by accident or I'm the process of dealing with my own grief when you first left and when you decided to give her another chance after you'd just shown me you were coming back to me, you got all up in arms at the mere idea that I might throw my weight around like that, and have used it to fuel your projections and trigger me in return. So it would do me zero good to give you any legitimate reasons to be upset with me.
4. I know that you and her don't need any help falling apart. I saw it very early on, even before I realized we've been on a TF journey, and that Spirit will bring us back together when we've healed our old issues. Her pattern with the guys she uses, never lasts more than about 11 months, and you are both such an emotional sluts, game players, consent violators & spoiled brats, that you piss each other off and trigger her more than anyone else either of you have been with. You both also have horrible spending habits, neither of you plan any further than about 5 days ahead, neither of you take Accountability for your own bs, you're both cowardly liars, neither of you are moral or honorable, you've both shit in your own back yards, neither of you are romantic (which you need), neither of you are really thoughtfully proactive, you've both got severe attachment disorders, and you both have toxic ex's and toxic friends who very much enjoy "interfering" and kicking up shit storms between you two. On top of that, she's been stealing from you and using your name to steal from others, since you first got into the motel rooms - and it's become bad enough that even you have admitted you're spending thousands of dollars a month that you can't even account for, her kids steal from you all the time, and she's got you riled up enough that you might even try to take me to court over the kids and end up getting the maximum child support amount garnished from your checks and taxes, lose all forms of custody, and likely get a contempt charge to boot. Additionally, she's so toxic and care so little for her own kids health and healing, that CPS has constantly been in your home, an she regularly has bouts with the police - who you usually get into fights with yourself. On top of that, she and her partners in crime are more dramatic, loud, demanding, controlling, violent, and vindictive than your younger sister (your words) that it triggers you all the time. Also, you only eat crap and don't exercise, and even when she does hold up to her promises to cook for you like I used to, she only cooks junk - usually microwaveable, and usually with all the seasonings you either hate or can't have cuz they upset your stomach. She also doesn't usually make any food until it's super late, and know if she can't convince you to spend tons of money on fast food. Additionally, she keeps you up at all hours, and you drink and smoke too much. ALL of those things already made you very crabby and defiant, and cause you to have very low libido and ability to keep it up. Add your ear disease to that problem - which is better worse by stress, drinking, smoking, and yelling. Which at this point, it's clear to me you guys are almost done just cuz you can't stand the noise and pain in your ears. Which already is driving you to drive them out.
And as if that weren't enough, she lets her kids hit, disrespect, and abuse you, and even with you allowing that, she still allows them to bring increasing drama to your house and life.
I saw long ago, that in fact, the best way to see to it that you two don't last, is to leave you completely alone. Cuz it would be even clearer who is hurting you, and you would miss the warmth I bring into your life even just by texting goodmorning. Which has been hard with how worried I've been about you, and while I've been healing my own anxious attachment & codependency challenges. Though I've gotten better and better at it, esp as you've become an even bigger asshole since she got back - esp with seeing over all this time, how much you do love me and own that you've just made such a mess and put yourself in such a shitty psychological and financial bind that you feel trapped in it.
Either way. I repeat: your situationships don't need my help in falling apart. It would actually make them last longer, and it would take healing between us even longer. So in terms of my "evil" plans to love and enlighten you, it would work against me to actually do anything to interfere.
The fact that me being a healthy mom and having healthy co-parenting boundaries, actually does interfere, is a product of you two having a relationship that was shitty and shaky to begin with. And really, the fact that I'm still asking for that stuff despite knowing you feel attacked by it, with my level of anxious attachment, should be a clear sign that I'm healing and willing to risk losing you, to do right by our boys and right to myself, and in ways that are healthy for you too. That is LOVE, dumbass. Not control or interference. Smdh.
5. I refuse to be that kind of example to our kids. Esp as, thanks to us, they are likely to get entangled in similar type relationships. I am raising them to be honorable men - just like I know you really are, underneath that ego and pridefulness. And since you've not been being that example and any attempt on my end to encourage you to be, gets met with accusations of control - then I have to be that example. Otherwise they'd have no examples and would grow up blaming the world for their bad choices. I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure they don't grow up that way. That they don't grow up with the challenges that you have; and this current version of you, is exactly the example of why it would horrible to let that happen, unhealthy of me to let them be with you right now, and why I need to continue to NOT "interfere".
I intend to make sure the boys grow up healthy and happy, whether you're actively in their lives or not. And I know that if you decide to use recent boundaries as a reason to continue not being involved in their lives, that they will see that is all you, and that me no longer fighting for you to actively see them, was to protect them. Which you'll make clear to them as to why that's currently needed, all on your own. Which is also the reason I don't talk shit about you too them. I'm not dishonest, but I've no reason or need to make you look like an asshole. You don't need my help there either. You do that all on your own, esp every time you put everyone except them first and then make them feel like bad kids for having feelings about it. Which you've consistently done, five times as much since you left.
6. I don't want that karma. It's very real, and I already have enough of my own bad karma from past and present challenges, that I've earned and now must deal with and pay the price for.
7. I refuse to give you any legitimate reasons to pigeon hole me into being like your ex's or your shitty sexist view of how "all women" are. Hence part of why I've not gone for cold support or full custody, not interfered, and also not gone the other way and tried to "sweet talk" you into coming back or let down on the requirement that you be a healthy parent in order to have visitation again. It's also part of why I've held back on dating or being with anyone new, part of why I don't try to make you jealous, and part of why I haven't kicked you off MY phone bill - even with you screwing me over on it continually. I never was like them, and I'm not going to start being that way now. I'm going to be me. You're attempts to goad me into being like them will never work. It will, and already has, done nothing but show you how different i really am and always have been - which you've already admitted to seeing several times.
8. When we do enter into real union, it will be free of all your toxic ex's and these cycles. And the only way for that to happen, is to allow you to get yourself caught up in them as deeply as you can get yourself all on your own. If I tried to interfere or rescue you, that would prevent that for much longer, and I'd be partly to blame. On top of that, it would show that I haven't changed and the crappy boundary there would show you that you could come back to and continue that bs. Not gonna have that. When you come back, you will come correct. Not just because you want to, but because you and all the toxic ppl in your life will have ruined your own lives and made such big and terrible messes without me, that there will be no way to blame me or our kids, and it will be obvious that me telling you you needed to make new friends and have way better boundaries with them, was never about jealousy, it was about not wanting you to get hurt in all the ways you are, and not wanting you to hurt me, our kids, and all the other ppl that you hurt when you allow yourself to be involved with such toxic and immoral ppl.
There are many things I will do with you as you see that and start getting on your healing journey. Accepting a relationship with you before you're done with them, isn't one of them. That won't show you what you're doing to yourself, and by not interfering, you've already awoken enough to the fact that you do need to be free of them, and that I've done nothing but been good to you - even in my worst moments. You've already said so many times, and I know as you and your ex's turn up the heat and get closer to blowing each other out of the water, that you'll continue to see that, and when you're ready, you'll clear them all out of your life and do all the other things I suggested, and not just to get me back; you'll finally be doing it mostly for yourself, and will see that the two align for a reason.
There are many more reasons I can list, as to why it's completely illogical and unnecessary for me to interfere, pursue you, or try to control you. Though most of them just extend on the above examples.
I wish you were in a place to see all this clearly right now, and that you'd always seen it. Though I know you're coming to see this, esp now whole we aren't talking or interacting, and as I redirect my energy into work, manifesting our house and land, and leave you to the cold dark world you've manifested. And I know that somehow, in you coming to see this stuff in the ways you have, it'll be even stronger and better than ever - esp as Spirit shows you I've ALWAYS been authentic, kind, fair, and good to you, and that you were happy with me until you let your fear and your ex's interfere.
I know that day is coming soon.
Which is going to be the 9th and final reason: I want to be emotionally secure and able to hold fair and healthy boundaries with you ESP about parenting, ESP when you want the back and start pursuing me heavily. I can put up with a lot myself, as I know how to turn it into good energy and healing lessons. Our kids aren't there yet, and it's not fair to put them through any of that even if they could do that. One of the largest reasons I told you to go, was cuz you refused to be empathic with them and put them first, and brought such big drama here that I was so wrapped up in you that I wasn't being good to them either. And I wasn't being good to myself.
So it's paramount and essential that I'm able to see the truth, do the right thing even when it's hard and even when you're threatening drama and abandonment, and that I'm able to say no to you and stick to it until you do the right thing. Not just for the kids, but for our union. It cannot be healthy and fulfilling if there are no healthy boundaries or standards. If I can't be unphased by your tantrums and able to keep my own reactivity down.
Anyways, my love..
My pechulant brat...
I know these cycles are coming to end...
It's part of why I'm writing this here, where you could've obviously found my real feelings this whole time - but haven't, cuz you're afraid of the truth.
I know it's not necessary to tell you.
And better if I let you show yourself.
Being a child of Saturn, this is a lesson I've learned over time - that when you are good and kind and honorable, over time, it shows and you get vindicated and seen for who you really are much more thoroughly, if you just keep being good and kind and honorable.
That's what happened with counseling.
That's what happened with everyone you talked crap about me to, since you've left.
That's what's happened through most of the jobs I've had.
And it'll continue to happen.
Esp as I continue to redirect my focus, and more fully step back to let you see what you have been doing to yourself with no help from me or ability to blame me.
Which, getting back to my earlier point - is why I think you're really mad at me.
I did and am doing the things that no one else would do - sent you out to do it your own way and not "helped" (including interfering). I've not played the games. Nor rushed you to you even when you've opened the door for me to. I've not given any reason for anyone to see me as a threat. Nor been so "sweet" or "easy" as to give some theory that I'm just trying to look like an angel and get you back that way. I've just been me, including the me willing to fight for what I know is right.
Which includes holding myself to not getting dramatic with you and fighting for you in the ways you expect and want me to. And I know you - you think that someone willing to fight over you and fight with you, is someone who really loves you. I also know you will do anything to avoid dumping someone or admitting that you screwed up - including opening the door for others to come in and create conflict that you can then blame on them as your reason for ending things.
I won't play that part.
I know that both pisses you off, scares you, and amazes you.
It's actually kind of adorable.
Anyways.
My love...
My brat...
I must work.
And be momdad.
And prepare for your return.
So you keep doing whatever you think you need to.
It'll just give us more to laugh about later, when you've fully and consistently come back to this dimension, lol.
Until then...
Despite your stubborn ass...
I still love you.
Always.
Forever.
Completely.
