Dear Cabbit...Our Inner Children are feeling left out...

You told me earlier today...
In a connection I was surprised we had...
After you talked about wanting to leave a "legacy" for our kids...(yes, I include your daughter in "our"...despite our poor connection, I still consider her my step daughter)...
And how you were trying to figure out what you could build...
A business of some kind...
That would be recession proof...
Plague proof...
Pretty much everything proof...

I had to laugh at myself, and giggle at you.

Dear Cabbit...It's time to Forgive Yourself...that's what this is all about...

Dearest Cabbit...
I almost added this as a "p.s." to the last blog.
Though this felt worthy of being it's own short but clear post.

I just wanted to send out the energy - which works much better when I write it out like this (since clearly saying it directly to your 3d self right now, wouldn't have much effect), that this Mercury Retrograde, and ALL of the karmic lessons Spirit is leading you through - is about Forgiveness.

Not so much of me.

Moreso of yourself.

It's about you learning to forgive the people you're likely never going to get apologies from, whom you really do deserve to get them from.
Your dad and mom.
Your siblings and ex's.
Your toxic friends.

Dear Cabbit...I can feel the pressure within you...

Even when I disconnect from you energetically, I can still feel it creeping in - which means you're actively thinking about me and obsessing about what to do about the mess you've created.

I know b/c of your traumas, and the vampyric narcs you're around - including your ex wife parading around w/the "friend" she cheated on you w/when you were married to here; plus mercury retrograde creating illusions, that it may have been easy to think that I was trying to control you - as laughable as that is.

Though I also know you know me well enough to know, I wouldn't pull away my friendship, light, love, and the kids - unless I was serious, righteous, and done.

Dear Cabbit...what kind of Dad will you choose to be?

It's funny...just as I had decided to write to you hear, to stick to my withdrawl of communication w/your 3d self directly, then you get online.

Anyways.
You've been on my mind a fair amount this morning Cabbit.
Especially as I know today is supposed to be the day your karmic leaves to deal w/her court & dr stuff out of state, and your dad nears closer to his final days.

I have several friends who've confirmed for me that they've been dealing w/healing their father wounds, whom I noticed were dealing w/healing their mother wounds during the last Merc Retro about 4 months ago.

Dear Cabbit...If I wasn't done before. I am now. I won't have these fights ever again.

It's outright absurd how this mercury retrograde is becoming a near complete repeat of the last one.
W/a few differences...
Instead of you dumping the connection, now it's me.
Instead of you running towards new relationships, now I'm opening myself to them.
You're again super reactive - over me asking for simple respect and that you protect the kids.
You're again trying to take the only vehicle I have, which is again not running.

And of course, as I ask for healing and get refocused on manifesting our home...
Somehow my family get's dragged into things.
Thankfully this time it wasn't my mom, who understands why I'm requiring you talk to me about what is and is not acceptable around the kids, after you already drove drunk w/them once and then made it clear you intended to do so again.

Dear Cabbit...and so begins the big squeeze...

I really pity you at this point Cabbit.
Even moreso than I am disappointed in you.
You've had so many opportunities to do right by everyone - esp your boys & me.
Yet time & time again, you've chosen to put your fear, greed, ego, and toxicity first.

I do have faith you'll come around eventually.
Though it breaks my heart that their is a much higher likelihood of you throwing a total tantrum and dropping even deeper into your darkness before you'll choose to do right by your boys andor everyone else who loves you that you've screwed over in your mess making.
Not just your current mess making, but throughout all the years we've been together really.
Which I can forgive you for, but my forgiveness is not that which you need to earn - it's our oldest sons.
He's the one whose been hurt most by your bad choices, and my choice to enable them b/cuz I love you and saw your potential to be an honorable man and honorable father.

Now it is two days before Father's Day, and I can see why spirit has set things up the way they are.

Dear Cabbit...something is changing...I can feel it...

I've had this sense about something likely going to change nearing the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in Sag tomorrow...especially once I learned that we're in the pre-shadow of Mercury Retrograde in your sign, and that there will be a Solar eclipse right before your bday, and another lunar eclipse right after your bday...

Plus, the readings I watch, have been saying June is the month that things will change...
I got lost in my pessimism and the "reality" of what was happening and what wasn't, that I lost connection w/all the possible outcomes that could be on the table...including the potential of other timelines...which I realized, don't have to necessarily line me up w/a different timeline of you...they could simple help me step into a fast-forwarded version of things or even lead me on a few really fun adventures while you learn what you need to, awaken, gain enlightenment, and find your way back to me...

Which...
I might as well enjoy if they do come my way.
Cuz you and I both know once we come into union for real - it'll be just you and me.

Dear Cabbit...victimhood looks terrible on you...

And it looks like crap on me too.

You know, I had planned a rant for this post, but over the past few days, I've been working on allowing myself to get into receptive mode enough to be able to jump timelines again, at Spirits direction - cuz there's no assertion, and plenty of timelines where you might actually be "happy" in the miserable situation you're in. I definitely don't want to get in the way of your free will, whether or not I feel good about your choices. It's not my life to control.

Though I do know that I love you, and that there's got to be timelines where you have chosen of your own free will, to awaken and get into alignment w/your inner being. Where you find joy in listening to spirit, in loving yourself, in personal growth...and in being in union w/me...doing those things w/me...as my walks beside who is excited to be here w/me...who doesn't feel obligated to be w/me...or who loves me but can't show or experience it because of repressed feelings and trauma's he's too afraid to heal...so he can be real...and feel real...

Dear Cabbit...ppl are starting to notice...you look miserable...

My Dearest Cabbit...
My aunt came up to me today, to ask me for some "advice".
Then she told me about taking our youngest up to see you at work yesterday, and said that when she saw you come out, she thought you looked awful.
Gma said so too.
They said it wasn't just all the excess of weight you've put on, it's that you look like you've aged about 20 years.
Your beard has gone mostly gray.
Your eyes have bags under them for miles.
Your face is red for drinking too much.
And you don't smile much anymore.

Your sister and her friend inferred about the same thing when I talked to them after they went to your house to bring your mom over.
They said the energy there felt awful too, and that although the boys were "okay", they seemed really uncomfortable there, especially with neither you nor your gf doing anything to set them up to feel as comfortable as you've both done for her kids...

Dear Cabbit...De-Prioritizing you is hard...but it must be done...

Plus..
Quiet frankly...
I'm disgusted with you right now.
Which at very least makes it somewhat easier to de-proritize you...

You've abandoned us.
Replaced us.
Spent all your time trying to make me believe you had all I wanted with you.
Gotten upset when I've dropped in vibe and tried to make you jealous.
You've refused to agree to pay child support.