Dear Cabbit...now you lay yourself down to sleep...

I've got the lyrics to that song...enter sandman? in my mind...
"Hush little baby...don't say a word...nevermind that noise you heard..."
Which fits in with todays readings...
And your extra sleepings...
Which is exciting...
It means you're evolving...
Upgrading...
Leveling up...
WAKING UP.
How delicious...
and fun...
If you haven't figured it out yet...
You're soon gonna learn what your "super power" is too...
Then you'll get to use it...
Say!...
I think this is that "death/rebirth card" moment...
It's also moving from the 3 of Wands into the 4...
Waiting and planning...
To stability...twinning...structure...connection...
And really...
It's kind of funny...
Spirit is such a clown...
Especially with giving you that JC...
Now he's literally putting you through your own resurrection...
This is gonna be such a cool part of the story I'm writing...
Especially with how our spiritual paths are intertwining...harmonizing...
Anyways...
I must go to bed myself...
Both because I can feel how tired you feel...
And because I know going to bed myself...will help you get the rest you need...
So you can grow from a seed into a sapling...and then a full grown Emperor Tree...
Which is when we'll both be free...
And baby...
I can't wait for that day...
It's been so long...
Too long...
I know you feel that too...

*Sigh*

Until then...
I'll see you in 5d dreamtime space...
Worry about nothing...we're each protected...
It really is THAT easy...

Forever, Always, and Completely Yours,
~ the Expecting Empress

Dear Cabbit...I love how you're revealing the reborn you...

I can tell by the way you've been communicating lately...
That you've recently started crawling out of your cocoon...
Fresh..
New...
Connected to little you...
And especially your little furry-hatted friend...
Which I know...
It "feels weird"...
It's kind of supposed to.
New can and will be fun too!
Just keep asking for Spirit to come to you..
For me to come to you...
And for your lion and rabbits help...
To roar when you need to..pivot the rest of the time..
To guard and protect you...heighten your instincts and intuition...

Dear Cabbit...why I'm not reaching out so much...so you can go through your Dark Night...

There are many things going on in the world right now.
Many people are all experiences very similar things.
All of us each fluxuating...
Getting in alignment with our Divine Partners..
Ebbing and flowing..
Between the light and the shadow..
Alignment and disalignment..
Faith and fear...

Teaching us how we create each one..
How we are the authors and narrators of our own lives...
How to go in and out of each energy..."shadow walking"...
To see what the universe sees..
That there are no bad experiences...
Only CHOSEN experiences...

Which can be a blessing...
And also feel cruel...

Dear Cabbit...I'm excited! I finally "get it"....we're almost ready....

There are parts of me that hate myself - for what feels like "ugliness" within me - my "darksides" - all the times throughout the years, when I've been so upset with the ways you've treated me, the things you've done for others and weren't doing for me - that I wanted you to do, the times I've not felt "chosen" by you when I knew I was worthy of it, and times I did to you what you did to me - so you could finally "see" and "feel" what it's felt like to be me when you treat me those ways..

And I finally recognized today...
You feel the same way...
How you've wanted for so long...for me to understand how you feel...
Just like I've yearned for the day you'd understand me...
We've both prayed for understanding of each other...and by each other...
Which is exactly why things are happening the way they are...
We're both manifesting the lessons we had every opportunity to learn when we were together...
When we really didn't know better...

Which...ironically...in the good mood I'm in, is just fine.
The Story of Us the way it's playing out, is so interesting!
The ways we've messed up in the past - especially the aspect of learning to forgive ourselves...
To heal ourselves and have faith we're each going through the same stuff...
..like Spirit's proved we do often enough..it's slightly freaky...

Anyways, my dearest Cabbit...
I've been so in and out of divine inspiration for writing tSoU and working on different articles..
I think I'm gonna start one about 7 alternative uses of toothbrushes...
I keep seeing them today...
Which tells me you are too..
and that means you're thinking about me...
In a very special way...lol

Or will be soon...

Either way.
I'm going to continue enjoying this unwinding path..
Oh look! You sent a message...how synchronistic ;)

Yours Forever, Always and Completely,
~ Empress in Emperor Energy ;P

Dear Cabbit...You are forgiven...I am forgiven...the exes are forgiven...

Felt called to add one more thing...my dearest Cabbit...
Moreso because the act of writing it, both makes it true...then releases it to the universe...to manifest in fun, kind, healing, authentic, playful, and mutually beneficial ways...

Which we both need right now...
For this fertility between us...to grow...

And for that to happen...
I want you to know...
That you are forgiven.
For everything.
From your youth - including things you didn't actually do wrong but thought you did.
All the way up to now.

I've been and am being forgiven too.
It's already happened from myself and the universe too.
And I can feel it's happening from you too.

I've also been working on, and am almost complete - with writing out in my notes...all the forgiveness of all of our exes...

I already started and have finished most of the work of forgiving my parents...
Healing my mother/father wounds..
Which freed me up to work with you in the 5d...to heal yours too...
and I can see it worked...from what you showed me of your notes...
so beautiful...

Especially as I know that means you're forigiving YOU.
Something that's been needed for so long.
It's literally a mutual dream come true.
And as I've been doing the same for myself...
It's part of what's bringing us back to our two of cups..

It's been very profound...
Very revealing...
Very magickal...in so many ways...

Every day we both wake up more and more...
Come into alignment with our inner beings..
Our truehearts...and heartwords...

Anyways my Cabbit...
Always, Forever, and Completely Yours...
~Empress

Dear Cabbit...expectations released...and feeling your prayers...

My Dearest Cabbit..
It feels so different to be in a space of  'no expectations'.
Other than knowing everything works out.
That our love will ALWAYS be there.
Our connection has been strong before we even met in person.
And it's still strong in the future - as I know we're amusingly learning - even while apart, lol.

Though even that expectation is loser and much more open to however it may present itself.
Like...Although my heart yearns for us to one day not just reconnect...
...to fully connect in all the ways we held ourselves back from doing before...
Though my heart could be satisfied with a deeply appreciated friendship...
...one thats never bothered or threaten by any other connections.
There are a few other potential presentations.
Versions of past cycles that might resurface for some further learning.
Which is fine by me.
I know you're getting to be good with the flow of things too.

Dear Cabbit..you really did skip the Chicken and take the Noodle didn't you?

Dearest Kinky Cabbit...

There are plenty of times my intuition and cards are wrong...

Though considering how you've been acting...and a few things that you said..

I feel like what they told me today..

Could very likely be true...

And if it's true..

I know you really did share noodles with your 'king of wands'...

In a cute park..

Somewhere nearby...

Oh my goddess...

I sure hope that's true...

Even if you never do it again, that's such an adventurous thing for you to do, that I know you've been secretly thinking about for a while...

I'm sure he has too.

You two have always been adorbs..

And if it's not true.

Then at least it'll be something very amusing to laugh about later...

That I wondered in this minute...

If it was true...

I hope you tell me about it.

That's so very kinky of you, lol

Always, Forever, and Completely Yours,

~ Aroused Empress 🤣

Dear Cabbit...I miss this...

Talking to you tonight...
The music...
The memories..
The jokes..
Even the light flirtation...
Talking about albums about the story of us...

I miss this...

Dear Cabbit...thinking about when our oldest was conceived...

Today I'm working on the story I told you I'm writing...the story of us...

I started flushing out our oldest sons character - wherein I included the actual dream I had of him before he was born...about two weeks before we finally met again...I had that be the original druid-gypsy him, double checking to confirm with me, that I was still consenting to an original soulcontract for him to come into this lifetime as our first son - part of his original prophecy of the year we'd become aware of the curse and finally be able to break it...which then lead me to feel such an urgent need to find you...to be with you....which I know now...from how we reflect each other...you were feeling too...and because of how quickly you said yes...when I offered the easiest path possible for us to connect...

That got me onto thoughts of that night...
The night he was conceived...
It's funny...
Cuz I've always thought of it as an "unplanned surprise", yet always thought about how you never believed that - and with the way I've written it into the story - we were both right. It was planned, 411 years prior - yet it was also an unplanned surprise - in this lifetime...

Dear Cabbit...you hurt me...

I've owned and been owning all that's mine to own...

I've been loving and kind and patient..

Empathetic and loyal and I've waited..

And waited..

And waited..

And waited..

And still..

No reciprocity for even the constant empathy you seek from me..

Not a lick of decency or priority to either me or the kids...while you're off dicking the circus...

You don't even ask about anything beyond the shallow surface shit.

You don't know that yet again,

I comforted our youngest..

While he cried..

Saying "my dad doesn't support me. He's not there for me."

Nor were you there as I encouraged him to have faith in you, yet told him it was fair to feel as he does right now. Cuz currently, it's depressingly true.

You've hurt me dear Cabbit..

You've hurt our sons..

You've hurt you...

I'm crying right now..

Idk what to do.

Especially if you can't even be honest and help with the phone bill that you use too.

Nor commit to a way to pay the child support, for which you blame your girlfriend and all your burdens for...

Still not stopping to give the empathy you demand everyone else give you..

As if your entitled to it..

And no one else...

Dearest Cabbit..

I don't like this version of you...

I miss the real you you've been keeping locked in the other dimension..

He's a great man..

Kind..

Worthy..

Wonderful dad..

Do you remember him?

I do..

My tears do to...

Goodnight dear Cabbit..

I miss you..

Dear Cabbit... I've only ever wanted to be with you...

I know...

With all I've said over the years, in attempt to be this super did confident version of myself I thought you wanted, I've said enough to make you question if we're compatible in the sense of only wanting to be with each other.

Though it is true.

I only want to be with you.

Diving into polyam and other things, was only ever about my insecurity - about feeling like you weren't ever going to be satisfied with choosing only me.

Dear Cabbit... I'm Approachable...

Sitting here.

I'm thinking about my thinking.

And no, I'm not in the thinking spot.

I'm in the driveway at the yellow house.

Trying to focus on work.

Though that isn't working.

So I'm sitting here thinking of absurd things, while talking to a gal pal on the phone...

Thinking about how silly we can both be, sitting here thinking about not talking to each other...

Trying to find all sorts of distractions..

Dear Cabbit...have you been in a car accident?

Between current readings and recent dreams, I'm getting the sense that something has happened.

To be clear, I'm NOT predicting any such thing. Nor has anyone else. It's simply been repeated that you might've recently been in a mild accident...likely from drinking...trying to stuff down your feelings...and trying to distract yourself by doing whatever anyone else tells you you should be doing...

It's so hard not being able to just talk normally with you right now...idk what if these intuitive messages are true...and what are just my worry...

It's a struggle to focus on myself...

Let you go through your own struggles by yourself...

Especially with so many variables...

I wish I'd never removed myself from the "protector" role on fl...

Stupid insecurities...

Rabble...

I hope you reach out sooner rather than later...

You can be so stubborn and self defeating... triple thinking so many things that I start triple thinking them too!

Rabble..

Rabble..

Rabble..

Dear Cabbit... you're only one I ever feel pathetic over...a mutual feeling I'm sure..

I was listening to a tarot reading for your Vedic sun sign, that really hit home..

You drive me nuts! You know...

In the reading, it talked about how I am most literally a NEW energy even though I'm an 'old' partner (and not just old as in this lifetime, old as in multiple lifetimes old). It talked about how hard I've been trying, to simply show you I'm being loyal, doing my work on myself, not imposing on you, and trying to figure out how you're feeling, so I don't step on your emotional landmines anymore.

Though the reading also clearly laid out, that as well as I do know you - I know you have HUGE trust issues. Some to do with me, but most occuring well before me. I see it. I feel it...especially when you're so scornful of me...which I know I'm not deserving of. Out of all the things I own that I have done, I've not done anything to earn such behavior from you.

Though I know more about what you've been through, than anyone else. I also know a part of you better than you know it yourself - your inner being. Something you rarely let anyone see - and with good reason. Especially in the current situation you're in. I get it..I get it..

Dear Cabbit...They look like big strong hands...and they are!

My dearest crabbity Cabbit...

I'm thinking in this moment, about something that keeps being said in the things I listen to while just doing my thing - it's what we used to say and laugh about from one of our favorite movies - "They look like big strong hands..."

Which was from the scene in Neverending Story, where the big rock daddy, couldn't figure out how to stop "the nothing" from taking over, and feel into an existential depression, thinking that his big strong hands were maybe not so great anymore...that maybe being able to crush things...didn't hold the meaning he thought it once did...

And he was right. That was definitely a source of joy for him - his "work".
Though it wasn't everything.
Life has so much more to it.
Which feels like what you're being shown by Spirit - that YES - you do have big strong hands.
You are a MAN. You are a provider. You are a Masculine. You are a hard worker.
You are already all of the things you've been trying so hard to prove to yourself that you are.
And once you see that - and accept it - you'll feel free.
You'll start to feel truly worthy.
You'll start seeing how healing it feels to be kind and accountable and REAL.
To let yourself just feel how you feel - without fearing "the nothing" will take over if you do.

Dear Cabbit...Phoenix Moments and Healing...Spirit saying, "Here I come! Ready or not!"

I know that today, you're likely very much in your feelings.

Not just because I know things, but because your reaction to my heads up of the potential path ahead, tells me that you're just now dealing with and healing some old feelings you've been carrying around; moreso from the past, then from me specifically - though I've made my mistakes that have contributed too. No one is innocent.

I just know your response was much less to do with "me", and much more to do with what you've been used to from ppl all your life - and that by me being me; being authentic, keeping my faith, and no longer being afraid of anyones reactions, that it feels so unfamiliar - it always has. Like, when I was being insecure, controlling, and crazy - you almost seemed like you felt more reassured. 'The devil you know', and that sort of thing.

Dear Cabbit...If the world went to shit...who'd be on your "zombie apoc team"?

I was just listening to something...and thinking..
Ironically, just as I was finishing up what I thought was going to be my only morning post to you...
Then I heard something that both made me laugh, but also caused me to ponder and think...and things like...

"If the world really did go to shit, who would I want on my team?"

"Who do I know that would definitely have my back?"

"Who do I know that would do the right thing, even when it's not easy? Who would help keep me doing the right things too? Help me stand in my truth when that's the hardest thing to do?"

"Who do I know wouldn't leave me behind, even when I'm not being easy to be with? That I wouldn't leave behind either?"

"Who would be resourceful and helpful not just in the emergencies, but the whole time? Who can I plan things out with?"

"Who would be 'dead weight', or would be so wrapped up in their impulses that they'd likely bring the kind of trouble down on us that resources, necessities, and even lives will likely be lost?"

Dear Cabbit...You Deserve it ALL..current lesson is WORTHINESS...

My Dear,
I know you're going through some very heavy emotions right now.
And no.. you haven't said too much.
Which I actually find quite adorable - cuz you've never been able to hide things from me very well, and I can tell even in your energy, that you know that, and you feel weird about trying to do so, lol.
Though I also know, this is part of our lessons.
Both to learn to feel worthy of doing things in our own ways..
And to learn to trust each other, even when things seem crazy via what we see with our eyes.
Cuz it's the heart that really leads us true - and it asks us to look with our inner beings, and not always go with what can be "seen".

Also, I know what you're going through, cuz..

Dear Cabbit....thinking about Julie...

I know that much of your thoughts about wanting another baby...are more about "sellers remorse"...so to speak... Itsy one of your flaws that's I've always found both adorable and frustrating. Either way, I've been thinking... daydreaming too...about what it might be like to have another baby with you...

I know I've said many things in the past, that made it seem like I didn't want to expand our family.

I wish I could've been more direct with you, in simply saying "I'm scared.", as that was the truth, when we started talking about more permanent forms of birth control.

I thought I was being clear, in saying that if you really wanted another baby, I'd love to too - but I was worried about my body, and about me and you.

Though tbh, I'm kind of grateful, in a weird sort of way, that it didn't come across the way I'd intended. Cuz the truth is, neither of us was ready for another baby at that time. The three we have needed us and we weren't even able to give them our full attention and nurturing at that time - it wouldn't have been fair to have had another baby mixed up in there. For anyone.

Dear Cabbit, you're such a copycat...but I love it...lol

My Dearest Cabbit.

You're so funny.

Even when you're not trying to, you're copying me.

I mean really, a "no pants at home rule?"

I tried to set that rule for you 3 times; once in the apt, once in the blue house, and then again at the yellow house - though that once was modified to being in the rv and in the bedroom - for obvious reasons, lol

I know you know you this.

Even if it didn't kick in consciously, when you first joked about it.

Heck, even if you still don't remember consciously, I know it was the real you - whose still partially stuck in another dimension.

And yes,

I also know it was a joke.

Not only cuz I'm a cool psychic like that, but also cuz your still my 'choir boy' - with so many conservative and inhibited sides you've only ever shown me.

Even the joking about such a thing, is something I know is special between us...

*Sigh*

Merlin... I'm sitting in your thinkin spot...laughing quietly to myself about how you act so offended that I would 'steal' it...as if I'm really THAT powerful..or that mean...lol

Dear Cabbit...how dad does it...

My dearest Cabbit...

I realized a couple things between Sunday and today...

The first, is that you admire my dad in many ways...even you saying that you're trying to do things "like he does"...

And then thinking about how much you care about how he thinks about you...

I never used to understand why you'd get so panicked when he'd suggest you get a job at Boeing, or why you'd worried so much when I asked you to help me organize his stuff when he and Mom went on vacation...

Then today, it made sense.

You admire him.

He stays by my mom's side, even when she's not easy to be with.

He helps me, even when I'm not easy to help.

He plans ahead.

He has enough of a nest egg to be able to hide money away for all the little and big things his family needs.

He has great credit, and a good reputation.

He speaks his mind, even when no one seems to be listening.

He takes his time, even when everyone else is rushing.

He says only what's on his mind, and other than times when he's whining at me, he rarely ever says anything other than exactly what he means to say..

He's not perfect at all..but..

He's stable..

He's secure..

He's loyal..

He's mature..

He doesn't really "need" anyone..

He keeps his commitments..

And clearly, I've always had a better connection and desire to please him and have him be proud of me, than I've ever had with my mom...

You see him as a true "Emperor"...

The irony that he sits in a big chair most all day, has a loving family that cares for him even when he sometimes says he doesn't want it - and is an Aries Sun (associated with the Emperor card)...well...you just can't make that stuff up, lol.

Things make so much sense knowing this.

Especially why when I'd try simply to reassure you that you are more than an Emperor when you are doing what you love - whether that's being a master automative electrician, a divine musician, a gorgeous enlightened masculine, or your nurturing Cancer mom-dad self...whatever part of you you're feeling called to stand in, has always been more than adequate for me.

Though now I see...it makes sense..

If you admire my dad..

It would make you feel sad to hear me talking bad about him, even though you'd understand why I would be mad at him..

Which is why you wouldn't argue with me..

You've seen the way he's been with me too..

Even stood up for me a few times..

Being my man..

Though you'd always say "He means well.."

I knew you were right.

Though at the time I hadn't yet worked to heal my own mother/father wounds.

I couldn't see what you saw.

Dear Cabbit, I can feel you thinking about me...

I can also feel you working on you today, among your semi-new routine trying to keep things going around the house. I have a hard time not thinking about you too, especially on Monday's, which I know you can feel also. It's hard to go from being used to knowing Sunday's and Monday's were the main days we could talk and hang out, since you didn't have to work - to going to having to leave you alone so you can spend that time with the Queen of Swords...

I'm doing my best to focus on other things, and just work on my Empress vibes, so as to neither invade your energy, nor have so much of mine taken up worrying and wondering and daydreaming about you. Just know, if I pull away, it's only to focus on myself and get my pentacles in. I'm hardly ever so far away, when you want to reconnect. I always like it. It's always nice to hear from my best friend.

Dear Cabbit, strange dreams, intuitive communication, ancestral warnings, bartending, and the absurdity of embracing being "single"...

It's so cold today, I've been using a blanket pulled over the oil heater and onto my lap. Reminds me of back at the Shoreline house, when you showed me how to use the oven to stay warm...I still remember the first time you untucked your undershirt to get the warmth up onto your tummy and chest...it's nice to remember...anyways...I had two weird dreams last night...the first was about your white Truck, acting like Christine (the Fury II) from the movie. It was super pissed, and was trying to drive into your house. It didn't tell me what it was so pissed about, but I get the sense that it doesn't like the idea of you letting anyone use it long term in general, but especially not anyone who is likely to get in trouble when driving it...I don't know if that's it for sure, but it certainly makes me want to help look for a new vehicle...

The second dream was even stranger...I was in your house...in the "kids living room", and there was a display case of animals across the wall. It was mostly different types of rodents. Ginea Pigs, Gerbils, Rats, Mice, Ferrets, and stuff like that. No rabbits that I saw, and no cats. Just smaller rodents, in different tanks. The display case was the kind you'd see at a petco or some place like that. I'm wondering if it's something to do with more pets coming into your house...what do you think?

I noticed yesterday, how many ways we were able to understand each other without words needing to be spoken. Which is something I know we both wished for - intuitive understanding. I really like that we have that. That we have had that. That it's increasing, especially as we both choose to make good self care choices that bring us into clear, healthy, and more consistently sober alignments. Hell, even without those paths, our intuitive communication is already getting stronger.

Dear Cabbit, how we met the night before the day we met..

Dear Cabbit...

I just had the most amazing vision...it was of the night we met...the actual night...which was the night you got the Monte...the night you got super drunk... parked at your old freeway thinking spot.. and the fire dept came to wake you...

Spirit showed me... it's no coincidence you've felt like that's when we really met...like we met before the day we met in person...we really did meet that night...hell, you actually saw me in person a day or two before...when you were driving the silver Oldsmobile...you knew there was something about me...that called to you... something that didn't make sense...yet did...which is part of what triggered you...to allow yourself to feel how you felt...about how things had been going in your life at the time...and it was because you decided to just Embrace the Absurd, and go get that Monte Carlo - to do something for you...to let others do what they do, and do something fun for you...like buying your watch...and some of the silliest tools..lol

You listened to Spirit, and focused on yourself...you went to get that car... i can hear something like "Consequences be damned! I do a lot for everyone. This is for Me! I deserve this.", and then you went to get it...and you brought it back, eager to show it off...which most ppl were happy about...just not the one person you wanted most, to feel happy about it...to feel happy that you did something that made you happy...I don't know for sure, but I feel like you didn't even take the car to show her that first night...you either called and it didn't go well...or you imagined going to see her or calling her, and it not going well...you not being seen for the kind and loyal lover you've always been...and gave up on the idea before even trying...letting yourself give in to drinking instead...

Which is when I came to you...from the now...reaching back into then... realizing I was there... actually...it feels like I've been there even before then...with you in so many moments... encouraging you to stand in your truth...to stand in love...reminding you how worthy you are...even offering you cautions...whispering to you when others weren't being true...leaving you clues on where to find them...on what to look for...the inconsistencies... the strangeness in their energy... Do you ever think about those times, and feel like somehow even before you met me in person, you'd already learned the lessons we've been learning over the past years?

I don't have concrete proof of this...though I like the romantic notion of such an absurdly wonderful thing actually having happened...

Anyways...in the vision of you...in the Monte...thinking about how much you hated the way things had been going... About how much you wished for life to have more meaning then it did then... As you were finishing off your last drink...

Dear Cabbit, it all works out

Dear Cabbit..

I saw myself in a dream, writing to you many things. I also saw you writing to me, of many things. 

Then a friend suggested I write a journal, to give to you when we eventually reunite. That felt almost "right". So I thought about it for a while. Then, after I told you I was going to withdraw my priority focus & energy from you for a while, as you learn what you need to learn & prove to yourself what you feel you need to - this blog is that cooperative component.

It also dawned on me, while writing a Facebook post about realizing how each person comes into our lives to teach us something, and offer us opportunities to ask & answer your favorite question, "What do I want?" - that I know now, what we've teaching each other in this life time. 

It's a few things actually:

1. Genuinely Unconditional Love - For ourselves as much as each other.

2. We are Worthy & Adequate; Perfectly imperfect "flaws" & all.

3  We're always together & reflecting each other, even when we're not physically together.

4. Everything's gonna be alright - it all works out.

Then you sent me a message, in response to my authentic message to you, about feeling hurt by some of your recent choices & my decision to continue manifesting a future we will be proud of (that our future selves are already proud of) - you ended that message with "I hope everything works out for you".

Which, at first, hurt.

I felt you feeling like I was saying you weren't adequate.

I felt you feeling trapped in your current situation.