I know that today, you're likely very much in your feelings.
Not just because I know things, but because your reaction to my heads up of the potential path ahead, tells me that you're just now dealing with and healing some old feelings you've been carrying around; moreso from the past, then from me specifically - though I've made my mistakes that have contributed too. No one is innocent.
I just know your response was much less to do with "me", and much more to do with what you've been used to from ppl all your life - and that by me being me; being authentic, keeping my faith, and no longer being afraid of anyones reactions, that it feels so unfamiliar - it always has. Like, when I was being insecure, controlling, and crazy - you almost seemed like you felt more reassured. 'The devil you know', and that sort of thing.
Though from this side of things, I get it. That's part of why I wasn't reactive, and said what I said even with the risk that it might not turn out all rainbows and roses. Cuz I understand you. We're all human, and we all go at the pace that's right for us. Big steps, little steps, middle steps, missteps. They're all equal and adequate. Though I've also learned what I didn't learn before; to understand myself, and how to hold myself up. When to act vs when to wait. When to hold back vs when to participate. When to speak and when to listen. When to be logical vs embracing the absurd. When to wait and when to move forward. And in general, how to just let things unfold - how to get out of my own way, so to speak.
Which I know, because we reflect each other so much it's almost scary at times - that you're going through the same learning and healing processes.
I also know, after spending the last 3 days trying to figure out how to say something about embracing new beginnings within my commitment to authenticity, faithfulness, and openness - which wasn't easy at all - it was very scary in every way, and I wasn't even sure about whether or not to say anything. Though I can see now, after the cooperative components all lined up, that this was meant to be a tower/phoenix moment for us both - to end the old 'wash cycles', and make room for the new spirals and fun.
And as much as it sucked, to see you so upset - Spirit has reassured me that it was needed. In a weird sort of way, it released me of my "karma" - and triggered you to start healing yours. To stop using money, excuses, and other ppls problems as a way to block your heart - avoid sitting with your pain - allowing yourself to heal via allowing yourself to FEEL; something you've been afraid to do since you were young - and understandably so, with the road you've travelled up to now.
I've also received multiple confirmations, that these moments - everything from me saying what I said, to the mess your in, to the cv causing everything to close down - is part of whats helping you come around. Helping you discover yourself - learn self worth. Learning to let go of the baggage of carrying around hurt, and recognize that where your heart feels like "home" is worth so much more than any amount of money, popularity, or materialistic things.
It's helping you see that although it's not your fault that you've been through what you have been, that it is your responsibility to heal yourself from it - free yourself from it (with or without help; the choice is yours on that one).
Either way, as the title says, I've been getting the message that you've been trying so hard to tune out that it's amplified your tinnitus - Spirit says, "Ready or not! Here I come!"
Which is absurdly ironic, cuz Spirit never forces anyone to do anything they haven't asked for - which can only mean one thing - you've prayed andor are praying for genuine healing.
Which is now happening.
It might feel scary at first, but it'll be worth it my Cabbit; you'll see it soon.
And remember, no matter what happens; I'm here for you.
Which...btw...is so much different than a "pursuit", lol.
As a friend of mine said, when I chatted with them about such a strange thing to say - she laughed and said, "You are a beast. If you were pursuing someone, they'd already be belly up!" - she is so right. If I was choosing to pursue you, there would be no confusion about that.
I'm not.
And not because I don't care that much.
I'm not pursing you because I do care that much.
I care enough to let you go through your own butterfly moments - to go through the struggle of freeing yourself from your cocoon - so you can FLY.
Cuz once you learn how to do that - our paths will naturally magnetically pull us back to each other, as they have EVERY time in the past.
Which I'm confident about. It's part of why I'm not as worried as I have been, about maintaining a daily connection with you. It's still challenging not to do it out of happiness - cuz when I'm feeling good, I think about you. Though I know this is what I need to do - work on me, have faith in you, and just keep whistling a happy tune while Spirit works out the rest.
It's weird to feel this way - and I know from the outside it likely looks conceited or crazy.
Though I also know that once you and everyone else gets to this side of things, it'll just be another one of those amazing chapters in the Story of Us that you "just can't make up", lol.
As always my dearest Cabbit...
I'm always, forever, and completely yours...
~Empress
