It's so cold today, I've been using a blanket pulled over the oil heater and onto my lap. Reminds me of back at the Shoreline house, when you showed me how to use the oven to stay warm...I still remember the first time you untucked your undershirt to get the warmth up onto your tummy and chest...it's nice to remember...anyways...I had two weird dreams last night...the first was about your white Truck, acting like Christine (the Fury II) from the movie. It was super pissed, and was trying to drive into your house. It didn't tell me what it was so pissed about, but I get the sense that it doesn't like the idea of you letting anyone use it long term in general, but especially not anyone who is likely to get in trouble when driving it...I don't know if that's it for sure, but it certainly makes me want to help look for a new vehicle...
The second dream was even stranger...I was in your house...in the "kids living room", and there was a display case of animals across the wall. It was mostly different types of rodents. Ginea Pigs, Gerbils, Rats, Mice, Ferrets, and stuff like that. No rabbits that I saw, and no cats. Just smaller rodents, in different tanks. The display case was the kind you'd see at a petco or some place like that. I'm wondering if it's something to do with more pets coming into your house...what do you think?
I noticed yesterday, how many ways we were able to understand each other without words needing to be spoken. Which is something I know we both wished for - intuitive understanding. I really like that we have that. That we have had that. That it's increasing, especially as we both choose to make good self care choices that bring us into clear, healthy, and more consistently sober alignments. Hell, even without those paths, our intuitive communication is already getting stronger.
Makes me laugh at how absurd we've both been so worried about what each of us might "say" or "do". Had we been focused on believing the best, preparing for our success, and letting ourselves have fun with our divine connection, we'd probably have never had a need to worry. Especially as, I see within our past, how we've always known what was going on with each other - or what would go on; and in the times we couldn't see clearly, it was usually when one or both of us was reflecting our insecurities.
Anyways. I don't plan to make this a lengthy post, as I've gotten lots of intuitive messages about articles needing to be written, and I've been thinking about checking out bartending, as you suggested...I'm still unsure about that route...though it is an option.
I did want to share with you though, that many of our benevolent ancestors - yours in particular, are very proud of you for listening to them lately - especially in standing up for yourself, speaking your truth, being there for your boys, and listening to your intuition. Our ancestors need your help in many things, and you need theirs. I can't go into wider details at the moment, but as I'm learning, we don't always need to know everything up front for our hearts to know it's good to do. So listen to your intuition and your heart, it'll lead you right, like a compass.
Now, although our ancestors are proud of you, they do say to tell you to be careful - not only about getting talked too early into any "additions to the family", but also about disappearing items, not trusting ppl any farther than you can throw them, they suggest you get an std test (just in case), they say it would be healing to take a good long warm bath, and about being cautious not to fall back into old trauma habits - there will be times when you'll need to take two steps back to take three steps forward, and there will be many things you'll intuitively know you need to do, that you told yourself you wouldn't do anymore - the trick with that, is to look for what within your INTENTIONS made the action wrong, and what intentions you can use to heal having done that, through doing it again but with an authenticity focused intention.
Like, the first example that comes to mind, is when you used to hide money from me - which I'm not going to rehash; It's just about pointing out that it wasn't bad for you to save money, and it wasn't even bad that you wanted to keep it a secret necesssarily - what made it a negative action, was that you were doing it from a space of fear, and doing it because you feared both being authentic with me about your fears that I wouldn't let you continue to store it away, and that if something happened to end our relationship, that I might try to take it or something. We did talk about some of this, but not all of it. So I'm paraphrasing what I remember and intuitively understand. Feel free to correct me about anything I've misunderstood or misinterpreted. Anyways, the point being, you learned from past relationships, that it's good to keep a private nest egg stored - THAT is a GOOD lesson to carry with you. It just should not be done from a Fear space, or with any intention to hide it from anyone - which actually is what energetically calls them to be aware you're hiding something. Which is a good thing to realize when you sense that someone else is hiding something or decieving you - it's usually their own thoughts about hoping you don't find out, that call to you and tell you there is something they're hiding - even if you've no actual evidence of them doing so, other than that "feeling". A feeling you've also learned to recognize from past relationships.
Anyways, the way to heal something like that, and do it benevolently (in a good way without harm to yourself or anyone else), is whenever you save/store away your money and think about it, focus on what kindnesses you can do for yourself with the money, what authentic financial goals you have for the future, how proud of yourself you are for being responsible enough to save away a nest egg, what sorts of playful ways you could spend future money with the kids, and what sorts of toys and items you want to buy for yourself at a future goal date that you're totally worthy of buying for yourself. Then, if there is a person or two you know you can tell about how proud you are of yourself for saving money, you can increase the good energy on that. Just make sure they're someone who won't add negative, greedy, or contrary energy to your process.
I've been doing this with some of my money, only just starting with 78 cents, but so far, it's been working. I only $3.03 saved now. I know it'll grow, be protected from anyone/thing, won't trigger anyone to think I'm "hiding" anything - cuz I'm literally not, and it will become my nest egg - a very good thing to have - as you taught me. Heck, as my dad has taught me too.
The second thing I can think of, is hiding communications, or even of having any secrets. I think about the Wiccan Rede - a moral code of witches, which says, "as it harms none, do what ye will" - which means, if whatever you're doing doesn't hurt anyone - intentionally or unintentionally, then it's fine to do it. Like how riding quads doesn't actually hurt grass, cause it grows back. Not to mention, if it mucks anything up, it can provide an opportunity to hire someone to fix it, or to rework the space into something more fun - sort of like when you lay down a pool and then when you move it, you have a perfect circle that works well for a garden. If you're intentions are good, and there is literally nothing about what you're doing that hurts anyone, then whatever it is you feel called to do, is fine and good to do - as long as it's authentic, focused on self love, and is kind - and remember, being kind is not always the same as being "nice". Being "nice" is ppl pleasing, and it often hurts everyone involved. Being kind means sometimes being willing to do the hard healthy things, even if they don't get understood at first - which is part of how you can tell if it is a kindness, cuz they'll usually understand eventually, and it'll help them grow too.
Anyways, when it comes to keeping some things private or "secret", it's about your intent, just like with saving money - if you're hiding things from a fear space, because you're afraid that someone will get upset with you for what you want to do or who you want to talk to, then you're only going to manifest them finding out, and yourself not explaining things right - hell, you even manifest yourself doing things you wouldn't be proud if "caught" - it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Everything becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. So if instead of the story in your head, about having learned to keep secrets because of exes and ppl who've screwed you over - rewrite the story to be something like, "I'm learning about the healthy balance between transparency and privacy, and have decided to be curious about who I am in each moment, deciding with my heart and head, which energy I'll choose - knowing it'll make sense eventually, that I can always change my mind when the time feels right, and that anyone who knows and loves me, will understand and support me."
Make it a self loving intention, that's focused on what you're grateful for, what you're proud of yourself for, and what ways you might curiously play with what you've learned in the past, are learning now, and will learn in the future. Which turns unhealthy "secrets" that call trouble to you, into fun and healthy "mysteries" that bring you healing, support, and fun.
And, in any moments where anyone else senses that you're "hiding" something, just be authentic that you are "withholding" things you're still processing. That's honest, and it's all they need to know. If it's something you feel you will eventually reveal to them, you can tell them that. Though if not, then don't say that. Just stand in that truth. It's okay to keep some things to yourself, so long as it's about you being self loving and having good boundaries, and not about keeping anything from anyone else.
Anyways, I'm getting better at not using too many examples, so I know this is enough to show you what I mean. If there's anything confusing, lmk. You know me, I'm happy to provide greater details - it's like painting a big mural, lol.
Before I end todays post, I also want you to know, I'm going to change my fb and other statuses to "single". Tbh, I'm not sure why I'm doing this. It's been coming into my mind a bunch over the last week, though it wasn't the right time yet. I don't intend to start dating at the moment, though Spirit has told me to stay open to the idea, especially as your current journey length is undecided until you decide how long you want to be learning harder karmic lessons. It also tells me not to jump into anything, to focus on myself, and that there's something about us both being single, and focusing on friendship first, that will lead us in the right direction. So while it feels absurd, I'm gonna try it.
Especially as, I think it's like with the above lessons; an opportunity to show me how to apply authentic and healing intentions to whatever I choose, and not to do anything from a space of fear.
So rather than not doing it for fear that it will push you away, I'm gonna do it so I can lean into being comfortable with feeling single, and work on telling myself all the things I'm proud of myself about, for being single, for not feeling like I need to be attached to anyone else, and for knowing that if I want to, I could find some distractions without having to hide anything about my feelings or knowings about us - and since I know there's no longer any need to prove my love for you, or for you to prove your love for me, I don't feel like I need to remain in a fear space of trying to hold onto us so tightly - which is an empowering feeling, really. Like, I could stay single and be happy, I could find distraction and not get trapped, I can work on me and not trap myself into having to be "one way" all the time - it's nice to think of it this way. Very authentic, playful, kind, and worthy of who I am.
Anyways, you're welcome to ask me about any of this, I like having nothing to hide. Just know, whatever I decide to do coming up, it won't ever change my feelings for you my Cabbit. That being said, just like you have learned from me, if someone does catch my interest enough to become a consistent activity partner, or even a boyfriend, I'm not going to just toss them on their ass if you decide to free yourself up. I don't see myself getting that wrapped up in anyone, but just in case, I do want that to be clear. Cause to do otherwise, would be unkind all around - I like being kind; even when it's hard. It feels good. It feels like me.
Okay my Cabbit - I hope you have a productive session today, and manifest many fun and benevolent things in your life today - and if you have any trouble with getting into an alignment to do that, remember you can always reach out to me. I'll help ya get there ;)
Forever & Always Yours, Completely....
~ Empress
