I realized a couple things between Sunday and today...
The first, is that you admire my dad in many ways...even you saying that you're trying to do things "like he does"...
And then thinking about how much you care about how he thinks about you...
I never used to understand why you'd get so panicked when he'd suggest you get a job at Boeing, or why you'd worried so much when I asked you to help me organize his stuff when he and Mom went on vacation...
Then today, it made sense.
You admire him.
He stays by my mom's side, even when she's not easy to be with.
He helps me, even when I'm not easy to help.
He plans ahead.
He has enough of a nest egg to be able to hide money away for all the little and big things his family needs.
He has great credit, and a good reputation.
He speaks his mind, even when no one seems to be listening.
He takes his time, even when everyone else is rushing.
He says only what's on his mind, and other than times when he's whining at me, he rarely ever says anything other than exactly what he means to say..
He's not perfect at all..but..
He's stable..
He's secure..
He's loyal..
He's mature..
He doesn't really "need" anyone..
He keeps his commitments..
And clearly, I've always had a better connection and desire to please him and have him be proud of me, than I've ever had with my mom...
You see him as a true "Emperor"...
The irony that he sits in a big chair most all day, has a loving family that cares for him even when he sometimes says he doesn't want it - and is an Aries Sun (associated with the Emperor card)...well...you just can't make that stuff up, lol.
Things make so much sense knowing this.
Especially why when I'd try simply to reassure you that you are more than an Emperor when you are doing what you love - whether that's being a master automative electrician, a divine musician, a gorgeous enlightened masculine, or your nurturing Cancer mom-dad self...whatever part of you you're feeling called to stand in, has always been more than adequate for me.
Though now I see...it makes sense..
If you admire my dad..
It would make you feel sad to hear me talking bad about him, even though you'd understand why I would be mad at him..
Which is why you wouldn't argue with me..
You've seen the way he's been with me too..
Even stood up for me a few times..
Being my man..
Though you'd always say "He means well.."
I knew you were right.
Though at the time I hadn't yet worked to heal my own mother/father wounds.
Just like I know you couldn't see what I saw in your mom, and your connection with her..
Funny how we would both urge each other to create better connections with our parents, while not doing our own work with our own parents, eh? Lol
Now that I've called my lost soul pieces back to me...
And been doing the work to really heal myself..
To let myself finally let go of the fear of being the Empress I truly am...your Empress...
I can see so many things I didn't even know I needed to see before...
Now, I can see what was happening..
And what is happening...
And I see you...
And I wonder...do you know how he does it?
Do you know what dad's secret is?
It's really a funny thing, actually...
He learned something...
Something so many ppl struggle to learn..
He learned...
How to be happy; whether he's coupled or alone; whether he's needed or not; whether he needs help or not; whether he has a little or a lot.
Really, it's that simple.
Even though I know learning the first part of that lesson doesn't seem that easy before you've started allowing yourself to learn it.
Though I know you've already started learning that lesson, and are seeing it's not as hard as you thought - that you can find joy in being your own companion, and can find joy in connecting with our ancestors and spirit.
Especially with my annoying ass always in the background, reminding you I'm not going anywhere 😜
Which is what my dad learned too.
He had a few good friends.
Some stubbornly supportive siblings.
And us - his family.
As a kid, I never lost faith in him either.
And even as mad at him as I've been over the years, I still never lost faith in him.
He's always been that stable rock of the family.
We've had him.
He's had us.
And once I started doing my own healing work, it's triggered his and everyone else's - allowing for the gaps to start closing.
I actually had a vision, after I did my crying vid - about how I bet, if this is the end for him, it would make sense - cuz he doesn't feel like he "must" stay...as if he was hanging on to make sure he saw that I could handle things on my own...
I doubt that's a conscious thing..
It's more likely a soul thing...
I might write it into the story I'm writing..
Like maybe, he & I made an agreement as Souls, that he'd stick around to help me and you break the 411 year curse placed on us by our families and exes...so long ago...just cuz we dared fall in love and follow our hearts, instead of doing what society or tradition required we must...
Like my dad in this lifetime, was an old friend in another lifetime..
Or maybe he was my dad in that first lifetime..
I've written so far, that it was our parents of that first lifetime, who asked for, payed for and enacted the curse...to force us apart, to marry the ppl we were in arranged marriages with since birth...our "exes"..
So maybe in this lifetime, my dad now, was my dad from then...maybe he didn't really want to use any curses...
And then agreed he'd come back in each lifetime, and try to at least be some kind of stable energy in my lifetimes...
To stick around as long as he could, to help me learn each lesson...find each "key"..
Get back to you..
Help you get back to me..
Even what he said to you, about getting work at Boeing, was it's own sort of riddle..it wasn't literal..
He has told me many times, he didn't care about where you worked.
He was just trying to tell you it would be smart to build up a nest egg...
Makes sense now, doesn't it? Lol
Anyways..
Just thought you'd like to know his secret..
And I know you love knowing about my writing...
And you feel how "true" in so many ways...that the story is that I'm writing...
So I hope you enjoyed the "extra", lol.
Until next time my dearest Cabbit...
Always, Forever & Completely Yours,
~Empress
