You're so funny.
Even when you're not trying to, you're copying me.
I mean really, a "no pants at home rule?"
I tried to set that rule for you 3 times; once in the apt, once in the blue house, and then again at the yellow house - though that once was modified to being in the rv and in the bedroom - for obvious reasons, lol
I know you know you this.
Even if it didn't kick in consciously, when you first joked about it.
Heck, even if you still don't remember consciously, I know it was the real you - whose still partially stuck in another dimension.
And yes,
I also know it was a joke.
Not only cuz I'm a cool psychic like that, but also cuz your still my 'choir boy' - with so many conservative and inhibited sides you've only ever shown me.
Even the joking about such a thing, is something I know is special between us...
*Sigh*
Merlin... I'm sitting in your thinkin spot...laughing quietly to myself about how you act so offended that I would 'steal' it...as if I'm really THAT powerful..or that mean...lol
I haven't been to this spot in almost two weeks...
I've wanted to come here.
Though between the floods, and the kids, and doordash not going well, and then dad going into the hospital, and then not having any gas...my heart has been here..when it's not been directly with you..
Anyways..
I'm gonna try to spend most of my day focusing on manifesting a secure income, doing more cleaning, and not spending every single minute thinking about you, lol
Not because I don't enjoy that. I do.
I just want...to be the person I've always been...underneath all the fears and insecurities. The person you've always seen me as, and been so disappointed when I didn't stand in that truth...
I'm the Teammate. The Protector. The Mom. I'm not sure how I feel about being "the warden", but even that to a degree, is part of me. At least in that I hold the keys.
And the current key, for me...for us..
Is allowing myself to shed all the layers I let build up over the years...from thinking I needed to please others...or to protect my soft squishy center...the layers that have become like an onion rather than a parfait or a cake...stopping me from really being my authentic self...the self you fell in love with over a sandwich...and some pudding...lol
The one who can catch you if you fall - and not just emotionally, physically & spiritually; financially too.
The one who plans things out, but not rigidly. The one who has such faith in us that she can take risks and know that it always works out - though whose also not stupid, and does look before she leaps.
The kind of woman who loves herself as a fun, plump, snarky, and magickal mad Madame Mim sort - who isn't afraid to live and love herself with or without another - and who knows she can be and do anything she wants.
The kind of woman who deserves and is worthy of her Merlin by her side; as they play, work, love, and happily ignore each other in the same room, lol
There's so much more to me than that; obviously. Just like there's so much more to you. Though this is the fun stuff I'm thinking about this morning.
"True Colors" was playing on my YouTube this morning. I added it to my playlist, as I was thinking about some tarot readings I was listening to, that talked about how, after this karmic cycle you're momentarily entangled in, you're going to come back to me as an almost entirely different person.
Which, is all the irony, actually. As I realized, that "King of Pentacles" my ready kept seeing if I was willing to initiate the seperation; was actually you.
Which I knew in the back of my mind when she'd talk about him, because when she'd pull more cards, he'd always come up as a King of Cups - a Cancer Man - You.
Though I was still wrapped up in my ego...my insecurities...my codepedent anxieties about us not living together...and exactly what's happening...that I pushed away the opportunity for that "new" King to be you, for a long time. I was caught up in my own mind, pushing away all the signs the universe was offering to me - to us - to heal in the ways we needed to, in order to get to a REAL "Me and You"...
I checked in with my reader recently, and she said I was right.
That the "new King" that's been popping up, is you - having learned to stand in your truth, and do what I'm doing (ya big copycat! 😝) - be authentic, be single, and be true to your heart.
Which will bring you the great financial, material, and emotional stability you've always craved - and it'll come from a place within...which once you finally "get it", will put that old "silly grin" on your face, like it used too...though this time it'll be more permanent, cuz you'll laugh at yourself so often, seeing how you never needed anyone else to make your choices for you, or keep a tight leash on you, or to validate you, or to affirm that you're adequate, worthy, and absolutely deserving of everything you desire.
All you ever had to do was look within.
Where you find your inner being.
And where you find me.
And the great thing is, I know that since we're reflecting each other - sometimes with a bit of a delay, but most of the time instantly - that as I focus on loving myself, being free of unnecessary attachments, sitting with hard feelings, focusing on what I have that in grateful for, and continuing to be the person I've always wanted to be - and have really always been underneath the silly layers of society; that you'll do that too.
That as I find and reveal and nuture the real me - you're doing that too.
That as I get more and more consistently in alignment with my inner being - you are too.
And once we're both in that place of trueheart alignment, that's when we'll find each other - just like we always have before.
When we didn't care what anyone else would think...
When we were focused on fun and love and inspiration...
When we were feeling Free....
That's when I've found you, and you've found me...
And it's how we'll find each other again..
And again...
And again...lol
Reminds me of the line from that show our oldest boy and I love to watch "Once" - where the characters that play Snow White & Prince Charming, always tell each other "I will always find you."
Which I've always loved, because it's always true of me and you.
And really... considering how the cycles are repeating themselves now - doing the 360 you called in when you got that first storage in Edmonds - it's hard to miss, if you're looking. This is where we were when you'd be trying to work things out with ex wife - thinking about me constantly...trying to push me out of your mind...feeling like you had to prove your loyalty to the disloyal...knowing your heart...your soul...felt like "home" with me...but wanting to feel like you were doing what society would say was right...
All the while...I would be doing the same thing...trying to leave you be...trying not to spend every minute thinking about you...trying not to hunt down everyone who hurt you...to tell you how I really felt...trying to just melt myself into some distraction strong enough to take up my time...until we found each other again...
There are many differences between this time, and how things went back then. Including that I'm much less afraid to be fully authentic, and we have ways to stay connected that we didn't back then.
More than that though - with almost 20 years of finding each other, being with each other, and surviving thick and thin - we now have a strong foundation, for a powerful new beginning.
I can't wait.
Well, I can, actually.
As I'm proving right now, lol.
With the irony being, that since you've not been lately reading this blog, you only know that intuitively - as I've not been putting such "oomph" into reminding you in person lately.
Cuz I want you to feel like you can do this healing and growing in your own way, in your own time, and at your own pace.
I want you to learn to develop grace, and humility, and self love, and faith - without me constantly propping you up in the 3d.
I'm still there in the 5d (I'll explain another time) - as like I said, I'll never abandon you - EVER.
Though the only way we'll truly be able to come back together in the healthy, passionate, fun, and epically romantic way we both crave and love - is trust.
In ourselves first - something we've both had a hard time learning.
Then in each other - which naturally flows when we trust ourselves.
Which I'm excited for.
I already see it Manifesting.
And rewriting the old stories.
Showing us both the kind of contrast needed, to lead us to ourselves - and back to each other - to 'let it go naturally' and 'let it grow naturally' - as we playfully joked about recently, lol.
Either way, almost all the readings keep showing us as Foxes...and Swans...and other creatures who mate for life...which feels so right...
Anyways... I'm gonna write one more thing to you in a separate post...then I'm gonna go work on some writing...and cleaning...and dreaming of the many naughty and nice things we're gonna do in the future...cuz it's motivating, lol
So until we talk next...
Forever, Always, and Completely Yours,
~ Empress
P.s.
Here's a few great songs that came on:
Why I love you
https://youtu.be/bkfmgg-389o
I choose you (forever and always)
https://youtu.be/czdqucYrqhM
