Dear Cabbit, being moved by that which you cannot control...

 When I went on my road trip, I asked one of the pipe carriers for the dance, to pray for and with me about some things I wanted; for me. Just for me this time. No agenda for others, no trying to save you, not for the kids. For me.

And when we were talking, one of the things that came up, was a quote I had seen just before, "Let me lead you to the river, so you can be reminded what it feels like to be moved by something you cannot control."

He had me say it three times, with deep breaths; setting the energy, intention and momentum.

It's a beautiful thing.

To neither be controlled nor have control; to be able to flow within any energy, and be able to allow myself to feel moved by what calls to me, rather then what feels like I "should" do it, or what I "should" avoid so as not to be branded a certain way or bullied for being myself or for not playing the codependent placation game.

Funny enough; when I first saw that quote, and then most of the day today as I've visited and applied for NICE houses and apartments - I've thought about you.

Esp who you were when I met you.

I loved that you just wanted to be you.

You were tired of trying to please everyone and getting nowhere.

You were tired of doing what everyone said you "should".

You were ready to live for yourself.

And you did.

And I admired that about you.

It's also what made me giggle so much last year, when you kept accusing me of trying to control you.

Which as I said then; not possible.

Not unless you're allowing it.

You're energy is far too strong and you are like a river or an ocean; you can control yourself and you can decide to swirl and bend and flow in different directions, though even when you try to control yourself to please others or avoid some negative consequence, you just end up damning up your flow and calling in a bunch of bad woo that makes everything unstable and fall apart.

Which is a bad thing.

It's not you doing something wrong.

I've experienced the same thing.

It's not a thing we're doing "wrong", as others would have us believe.

It's very simply that we were made for so much more then table scraps fought for every day.

We are wild horses; mare and stallion - meant to be liberated to move and flow with the land and other wild equine and land animals.

We are panthers and lions.

We are dragonflies and falcons.

We are Merlin and Mim.

We are Cabbie and LadyBunny.

We don't fit within the lines drawn for us.

We fit in the lines we draw for ourselves.

And whenever we try to force ourselves to be small and fit within others lines drawn, everything falls apart and keeps falling apart. Cuz within each of us separately, is a river - a natural element that carves pathways through the land and carries resources and holds space for infinite life.

We are connected to the oceans and streams and lakes.

We are fed by the mountains and clouds.

We shift with the moon and other planetary bodies.

We are "that which cannot be controlled", and when we embrace this and love ourselves for it, we cause everyone and everything to move around us. 

Hence why it's so important that we love ourselves and move and flow through the world in benevolent, genuine and self loving ways - so we are not shaken when others are, and so that they can see how to experience those feelings for themselves - which is the only REAL way to "save" anyone anyways. When we try to rescue or care for everyone all the time, we make them dependent on us; we who can do pretty much anything we set our minds to, and achieve over and over, higher and higher, for longer and longer.

Teaching those we love to love and carry themselves does far more for them then being their "hero" ever could or will.

The "hard" part, is simply in believing they can and will get it and be fine, esp when we recognize we're hurting ourselves and them in staying in dynamics where we are their sole providers, protectors, etc...

The next challenge is in not fearing we'll be alone, or that we'll be hated for respecting ourselves and walking away when the moment is right; remembering that we are loved where ever we go, and are never alone even when no ppl are around.

To feel better in NOT feeling "needed" then any time we've ever felt like we'd leave anyone "helpless" if we really left and put ourselves first.

A lot of the reason I didn't leave the YH or even allow you to have your exp with the QoSr, was because it felt like everyone would hate and shame me for leaving "helpless" ppl behind to do right for me and the boys.

Though I realized how silly that was/is.

Not only does it suggest a "god complex", it suggests that the ppl we care about are helpless or weak; which is rather harsh of a judgement, don't you think?

I know you don't like to be thought of as helpless, powerless, incapable or weak; nor do I. So why would anyone else like others thinking of them that way? And what kind of ppl does that make us? To feel we have the "authority" to judge others as incapable of caring for themselves, making their own decisions and living their lives however they want?

It would make us like everyone we've fought to be different from; everyone we've ever complained has hurt us; and everyone we used as "defenses" for why we hurt each other to avoid being hurt by each other in the ways they hurt us. Which is really silly, don't you think? Becoming the ppl who hurt us, just to avoid being hurt or feeling "unneeded"?

It was during my road trip, when I realized not only was I not ACTUALLY "needed" by anyone here so long as Joey had many loving conscious minds thinking about him at all times, and that I certainly didn't "need" anyone. I wanted everyone; though even then, when I thought about it - what did really want? I wanted to feel accepted by the ppl you couldn't let go of, and the ppl I though I needed to like me in order for others to feel I was a "good person" - namely my fam.

When I realized how silly that was; that no matter what origin connection there was with anyone, it was silly to try to hold onto relationships or form bonds with ppl I didn't align with.

Even with past and current versions of you; the racism, the greed, the petty behaviors, the victim consciousness, the acceptability with using the kids to manipulate other adults - I don't agree with any of that. So why was I trying to be small and placate to hold onto those dynamics? And why was I allowing myself to be knowingly manipulated by your and my fam, even after it was clear that it was never anything I did or didn't do that determined their perspectives of me?

That's when I realized how funny it was that I sent you that KFC submission of evolved energy to where I was when we met - when I was 15. 

Cuz when we met, I had decided I'd rather be honest then play stupid games just to be "liked" or "included" or supported.

I didn't "need" anyone then; which was a painful thing to feel, cuz I did need ppl before then - when I was little, and I didn't get the love and support and affirmation I needed. Instead, I got trained and conditioned to predict every move and feeling, to "take temperatures" as I've called you out on before. To be ready to mold myself into whatever would keep the peace and keep me safe.

I was already done with that at 15.

It wasn't until I got pregnant at 18, that I got pulled back in.

Cuz I felt it was better to deal with the bs and have at least a roof over my head and money in my pocket after getting screwed over by several friends when I had just made my own start in my first apartment by myself with Eamon.

I think the other part of that too, was that when I saw how you were in your shoreline apt; how you had gone back too, and tried to do the "adult" thing - as in, put yourself last and let yourself be bruised and drained, simply to not feel alone or like you were a shitty husband and father and sibling....I think something about that triggered the reflection in me...

Funny to think about how often we reflect each other.

Even now, I know that while you aren't likely reading these posts - you are very likely writing.

Processing things.

Looking at all the pieces of various puzzles and studying what you've been learning.

Deciding what you want....

And going for it.

Like I am.

I'm super excited to get to show off our new place.

We're still picking from a few options.

It's either gonna be a really nice apt or a decent and quaint little house.

Either way; I'm loving the energy of flowing in the "I love that I can do this!" and being mildly amused at the energy I sense in the distance, of QoSr and others being upset that I'm doing so well and am so deliciously supported by several large communities.

Eamon and I were talking about that earlier.

That's something I have that out of everyone we know; only you get some benefit from - and only because I extend it to you.

No one else in our old chapters, has dedicated the past 20 years to volunteering, kindness, growth, fun, and benevolence.

That's part of what makes me different.

And it's exactly the "Good Karma" that's uplifting me, you, and our boys right now.

Cuz *I* did that.

Not to get this benefit.

Not for any "agenda".

I did it because I loved it.

I did it because it gave back to ppl.

I did it because it felt good and I knew it mattered to those who had less at the time.

I did it because ppl fascinate me and because I got to have very cool exps that I wouldn't have otherwise been able to afford to do.

And I brought the boys with me; and they helped too.

As did you - when you let yourself be brave enough to join us, lol.

That's why so many ppl believe me about you.

They've met you.

They know you are good; and currently just very lost, confused and tired.

They know you'll get it together.

As do I.

And because they know I am trustworthy, super intelligent, and clearly I am neither fooled by anyone, they know that I would not "vouch" for you or use my voice in your favor, unless I had already confirmed your worthiness over and over again for myself.

Ppl trust me.

Ppl believe me.

And because they believe me and I believe in you, they believe in you too.

Just as I know you are learning to believe in you.

Anyways.

I've been able to start writing articles again, and I keep getting flashes of lots of income flowing in from my HP writing. So I'm gonna enjoy focusing on that and all the beautiful room I have for new healthy relationships in my life.

You are always in my heart.

You always have my faith and loyalty.

Esp in growing into being an actually good father to BOTH the boys and to your daughter.

I love you.

I miss you.

I send you abundant benevolent energies of fun and great experiences and stories to tell me later.

Always yours,

~Mim

Dear Cabbit, shadow storms and rainbows

Eamon and I decided the other day, that the opposite to a shadow storm is rainbows.

Feels fitting.

Also reminds me of your heartsong; "Lovers, dreamers and me".

So, I'm sitting here outside the motel room, so I can smoke and use the laptop to write and look for more opportunities., thinking about the upcycles and uplevels of what you kicked off; primarily 22 months ago, though def at least as far back as you getting the 360 storage unit - where you called back in the karmic loops with sheila, your fam, your parents, and yourself.

It's strange, cuz I am grateful to communicate any and all parts of my story, our story, and all the histories to anyone who asks. Though they often only take in what feels important to andor triggering for them, and disregard the rest.

Which is understandably human; even as frustrating as it can be at times.

It opens my eyes to how and why you have disingenuously acted as you have, and why others act as they do. It's collective spirit sickness. Disconnection from self, spirit, ancestors, etc...

It feels like that's why c19 came in; it's name means "the crown"; which connects to both the crown chakra that connects us to the 5d and beyond, as well as to the chess, queen, kind, royalty stuff. I've heard ref to crowns and being royalty a lot - funny enough, esp from your fams end, lol

Anyways; this morning I filled in a friend from dfap, whose been paying for our room here and trying to help with things. They were asking about the ordeal with our last "roommate", who had very similar problems as you have with your current "roommates". I told them about what happened and how I suddenly came under accusation of "grooming" - which Eamon and I agree has an interesting relationship to Horse Ally energy. Either way, it's a big accusation from a very insecure person in a bipolar cycle, whose mad for the same reasons your pirates are upset - I told the truth, I stood up for myself and all kids and teens, and that challenged the shadows their false foundations of "power" were built upon, and are mad cuz I'm still exceptionally emotionally stable, regardless of what they toss onto my path.

Ironically, our former roommate, when we were fleeing from YH, revealed herself much in the same way as your and my pirates did; she asked if I wanted her to call YH and pretend to be the police - which I declined, and then later told me in front of Eamon and her kids, that if I wanted, she knew how to get gpa to hurt her to get him arrested. I told her very directly that was the last thing I wanted. It's bad enough he did hurt Eamon, along with all the other crap he and gma have done both recently and through past chapters of the story of us.

You know, the greatest irony, is that many ppl will tell you shit like that, to keep you afraid of them. So that you'll see what they'd be willing to do to other ppl, so that if you ever desire to stand up for yourself or others with them, you'll rethink and talk yourself out of it, because you'd know they'd be willing to do the same to you. Which is largely what I imagine is happening with you.

To digress, I'm holding space for abundant benevolent blessings and manifestings to roll in, while folx from dfap and other communities, do what they can to assist us. It really is quite amazing that they are helping. I never truly gave up, though I did put most of them on the backburner with the ways they have retreated and been doing the "politeness" game that I am releasing in favor of good manners, kindness, integrity and authenticity.

I'm going to keep being me and growing and upleveling.

Pulling of miracle after miracle, and showing that ppl can exist and not just survive struggle - find a way to thrive beyond it and help others WITHOUT being dishonorable, codependent or low vibe. I'm going to do it with delightful gratitude and authenticity. All the way down and up, as many times as it takes to manifest a stable foundation that can support healthy dynamics and inspire the world to be better to themselves and to kids. 

And my favorite part, is that YOU are the only one who knows and believes I'm fully capable of doing all of that and more. 

I'm grateful to you my love; had you not chosen to go back into your loops, I wouldn't have found myself again, and wouldn't have made the choices I have. I would've remained an indignant coward, and would've sat back and watched life move quickly around me. Though that's not the story, and I'm excited to see what adventures come from the story we've chosen, and just how many ppl I can inspire and create benevolent ripple effects with.

Dear Cabbit, My Memories are MINE

I've been thinking about the pirates and there nonsense.

They all demand being able to control how everyone thinks and feels; to "control the narrative" as many virgo's like to call it.

Well, here's the thing.

They can take you.

They can work to destroy my reputation.

They can take whatever they think will feel better and do whatever they want to try to limit my ability to thrive, though they can't ever take my memories.

My memories are mine to remember as I choose to remember them.

Even you cannot take my memories, perceptions, and imaginings from me.

Only I get to decide how I feel, what I think, what I do, and how I remember things.

Just the same as you and everyone else.

So by all means, make me your villain.

Let others make me their villian.

I know who I am and no longer require others to validate my perception of myself, you, our boys, them, or anyone else.

Something I know you're also learning.

Along with how to hold space for Joey to feel how he feels without fear of you being upset.

 

Dear Cabbit, New Spiralcycles

 Of course, it's 10:51pm - "7"

I still giggle cause I know that makes you think about your eggplant, while it makes me think about magick, synchroncity and the beautiful spaces between and around us.

Anyways.

I'm sitting in the apartment that we've been discussing renting, considering our next options.

The friend we're room mating with is pretty awesome in many ways; though she's got plenty of codependent tangles that I recognize from journeying with you and the pirates and potatoes. Not 100% sure on it, though it feels intuitively like she was hoping me and Eamon would move in, pay half the outrageous rent, and be available for her oldest. It's likely mostly subconscious rather then a conscious intention, and could also just be my cautious heart.

Either way, I already started reaching out to more friends a few days ago, to see what sorts of options are available for me, Eamon, and Squeak. We have a few options that aren't as nice in terms of inside conditions, though they'd be nicer small town areas and that would make me feel better about Eamon exploring when he feels courageous enough to do so.

Which I know he will soon enough.

Having to leave YH the way we did, not being able to see Joey, and feeling like you don't care enough about him to even answer if you want to see him or not...that's...well, that's a lot...esp after your fam has proved they care more about "winning" and running from their shadows, then being good to him...and then seeing that my fam ain't different...he's doing amazingly well for having gone through all he has - not just this past month; all his life. 

Anyways.

I'm excited for future months rolling in. 

Spirit says the leaps of faith taken, have altered the spiralcycles for everyone, in alignment with the ending of the 19-20 year cycles everyone was already leaving, and that the "game" has been changed by the ways I approached speaking truth and being "selfish" for once, without having any of the agenda's everyone else does.

Which is good.

If nothing else good comes of any of this; at least the cycles are altered.

New exps are far better then repeating the past over and over; forgetting that you're repeating it and then doing it over and over again. Which is like your history teacher would say, "if you don't know your history, you're bound to repeat it."

Dear Cabbit; the tale of Cabbie and his Backpack..

GoodEvening my budding Gentlemen =)

I mostly just stopped in to tell you I love you.

Just so I can enjoy the look on your face when you read blog posts like this, lol.

I had actually spent several hours writing to you yesterday. Though my ND got the better of me, so now it's another draft that I'll show you some day, lol

Until then; Cabbie's been sending me visions of you writing about the backpack...

Going through and rectifying the story of us by way of going through your memories of backpacks and back up plans, why you've lied so much and been so scared to be authentic, and about how you found yourself excited for the first time ever; to pack your backpack to come back home to us.

I've no idea what timeline those visions are from, or which one will line up with me by the time you share these feels with me; I just know that's the baseline of how fun and meaningful and deep it'll be, which means when these connections line up in the 3d, they'll be even more amazing then the baseline; cuz that's the kind of manifestors we are - it's always better then imagined with us =)

So!

Until then.

I'll be giggling relentlessly over here, about how you both keep me more firmly grounded into your lives that I do, and loving knowing that everything you're both doing without any of my help, is manifesting a most bodacious and delicious union for you and me and all our kiddos <3 =D

As always,

Unfuckwithably yours,

Lady Bunny =)

Dear Cabbit....high caliber...

 I went to put on my playlist to do some writing too, since our youngest is quad riding and I dont wanna speak my thoughts out loud around him.

The first song that came on with the shuffle, was "nobody knows it but me".

I remember when that song first started coming up.

You confirmed you'd been hearing it too.

It was when we were sharing syncs.

Just like you started doing again with that wagon.

Now it's a song called "Mercy". A newer one I love, cuz it's about a guy asking a girl why she's dressing up and doing things that make him fall in love with her even more. He's asking her to "have mercy" by taking her shot with him if she loves him; and if she's not gonna take her shot, then just get it over with and break his heart. Make it fast.

Both songs together, tell me what you're feeling; and I didn't even turn on the playlist with the intention to know that at the moment.

Feels fitting.

You're so adorable.

You confuse yourself so often; triple thinking things.

Thankfully, I'm not confused anymore, and I know I'm not confusing. I'm very clear.

Ironically, you're very clear too; that's how I know how you feel and what's really going on.

You're sort of like some of the folx spirit has me working with; who tell themselves a story that they aren't "that healed" andor that they're "confused", when really they're very healed and not at all confused. They're just anxious.

Funny; now "Sweet Home Alabama" is on, and all day today and the past few days, I've been seeing syncs to do w/reese witherspoon, who played the lead role in our fav movie by the same title as the song. I just love that. Esp the connection w/lighting and Hart of Dixie.

That's how I see you, you know?

As a man who was; not is, trouble - and mostly only cuz he knows what he wants. He just puts too high a standards in front of himself, when he misunderstoods the standards of the lady his heart gave itself too. A man who feels he has to build himself up to a certain 3d level before he'll feel 'high caliber' enough to approach his lady and feel he can confidently hold his head up proudly without any deceptions and say "I'm ready".

I remember when I told you, before you joined the circus; "be more like wade. He grew so he could be a match to the woman he loves. He didn't give up. He didn't give in. And he didn't let his naughty past hold him back."

Wow. Just accidentally clicked on a new song called "You". It's a guy singing about "I got you for the rest of my days"...that's from you too...

It's funny how signs are all around, that speak our hearts to each other.

If I didn't know this, and hadn't worked on my self esteem - I might still not understand why you've stayed so distant for so long, or why you've had to write yourself lists of reasons not to give into "temptation" with me - which is so funny, as I haven't even fully turned on the charm yet! lol

Thinking bout doing that soon though.

We'll see; I'm enjoying seeing what you're doing with your space to create whatever you want while I'm not "on". Plus, it's really fun and affirming that I don't even have to really be "trying" and you already see everything I do as so tempting and such a "pursuit" of you, that you have to write lists and fill your life with dozens of demanding distractions just to keep yourself from running back to me immediately. 

Makes me feel so naturally powerful, lol.

Wonder what will happen if I just turn the charm up a couple of notches? lol

Love always,

Your One & Only =)

Dear Cabbit...the Old Codes no longer Apply...

This has been a repeating sync lately. 

Ever since BS (bible study), lol

Which is so much fun. 

I look forward to when you get to where you can feel how much fun it is to communicate and banter with the universe in all the ways you love to banter and play with me. 

It's so funny, knowing from the moment I agreed to go with mom, that there would be something fun in it for me, just like this.

Then to know just how much the ppl who go to the same BS, have no idea. 

Zero awareness of how much MORE there is to the very stuff they say they place all their faith in.

Reminds me of another phrase that's come up much recently, "forgive them. they know not what they do."

Dear Cabbit...looking away for a season..

It's interesting to be in this time and space.

Where I can feel us near our farthest apart moments that we've ever had since the first apartment.

Long way to go from never more then one night, then never more then one week; to having gone all this time so physically and emotionally far from each other.

And to also feel and know in every part of my being, that we are closer then ever and coming into harmony very quickly.

Which is something profound to see, feel, and know.

It's also something not many can truly appreciate and understand.

Which in some ways is sad, cuz there's not anyone I want to share the exp with.

So these are the moments when I not only date myself, I am also my own best friend.

My own cheerleader.

My own counselor.

My own judge.

Allthethings.

Cuz some things are too special to share..

Including some gnowings.

Plus, sometimes, even when you want to share and you have someone who has seen the same data and seen all the magick, they still don't really believe; mostly cuz of their own shadows, though either way, wanting to share with those who can't believe you yet, just isn't worth it in comparison to actually manifesting the exps you want.

I know this is something you'll understand at some point soon.

You've actually always been the one person to believe me far more often and far more completely then anyone else.

I realized that, after facing many fears about ppl not believing me.

Now I'm in a place where I'm comfortable with ppl believing me or not, thinking I'm weird or crazy or whatnot, and just letting them think that.

Both cuz I can believe myself now, and not require anyone else to tell me they see what I see or agree with my intuition or assessments, and cuz I know who will always believe me.

You.

Which made me laugh when I realized the truth in that, and how it answers so many questions about why you've been behaving as you have, and confirms everything I already predicted; with and without updates to said predictions.

Which hasn't been needed very often, cuz for me, you're very predictable, lol

That was something that surprised GoldenRod. 

That I predicted your behavior from the moment you left, and have been accurate.

Tho that's what makes me giggle about him and others.

They all tell me all the time, how accurate I am at reading ppl, intuiting the future, and lining things up with astrological energy.

And they've all seen me help myself, and help them, and help ppl they know.

Tho none of them believe when it comes to what I tell them about themselves, or about you.

Ironically, it's hardly about "us" stuff most of the time.

It's about all the rest of you.

Tho I realized the other day, that no one will ever know you as deeply as I do, cuz know one else has ever shown you that they wanted to and you've never wanted to be that open with anyone before or after.

And most ppl are bitter about relationships they've had, where they gave up too soon and regretted it, or gave up because they believe in "broken ppl".

So they can't appreciate you as a whole human being, cuz they'll never really know you.

And they couldn't appreciate the reality of data, even if they did know you that deeply, cuz they're too bitter about old wounds of theirs.

You know what's funny tho?

I don't get triggered by that anymore.

There's nothing to "prove".

Which is an interesting energy to sit in these days.

Absence of desperation.

Absence of need for approval.

Absence for any rush away from any situations or into any.

I'm comfortable with where things are right now.

You're right on schedule for where would be right for you; not anyone else,

Learning in just the ways you are.

Coming in and out of your shell as your ready to.

Doing your thang.

Lol

When Goldenrod said something the other day about his feeling that you'd stay stuck in the same cycles you have been, likely with different partners cuz of the nature of the toxicity in relationship approach; I wanted to look at him and be like "You have no faith, and you haven't been paying attention. Everything is just how it should be. Perfectly imperfect."

Tho as you and I both agreed a long time ago; there's clearly a certain kind of exp lacking there, that makes it near impossible to understand.

Which is funny, cuz again, I know you'll understand what I mean; at whatever point you get to reading this silly blog, lol

I know you understand the magick.

I know you understand the emotions.

I know you understand the karma (mostly).

And I know you have a much greater understanding of cycles, ppl, and realities of the world, in very similar ways to how I do.

And more.

Ironically, it's knowing that you actually do understand; that you were already enlightened when we moved into the apartment, and that that sort of understanding never goes away.

It stays.

Even when we go through hellish dark knights of the soul.

It stays.

That knowing.

That's what tells me to just trust.

More in Spirits plan and Divine Timing then anything else.

Though also in myself

And in you.

I know you're up to something..

And I know that even if I'm wrong about that, you've manifested all of the perfect ingredients in your life, to cause you to completely turn over the tables in your life, and stand in the energy of freedom very very soon.

Anyways.

I pray you're driving safely out on those roads.

And listening to your Intuition every mile.

Love you...always..

LadyBunny

Dear Cabbit....tears that sting..

Today I'm thinking of many things..

One of them..

Was a beautiful vision..

Of you coming to me..

Tearfully asking if you can take me on a Real date...and saying you're sorry you took all the opps to do so before, for granted..

And when we get to wherever you choose..

There's a juke box..

And you put on EC's "You look wonderful tonight"..

And you ask me to dance..

And as we dance..

You sing the song...

For me..

It feels like one of those dreams..

Where everything felt so real..

That when you wake up..

You don't want to leave it..

You want to go back to it..

Cuz it's so perfect..

😔

Dear Cabbit...karaoke with boys..

I find myself in an interesting moment.

Me and our boys are out for KO at the bar you found for us before you left..

One of my brothers showed up, as did some guys who've been flirting with me when I come here on my own.

And they are all having a GREAT time with the boys.

They all have kids of their own

Who don't get to come out with them.

Same reason you can't come out..

"Drama" n such..

It's strange to be seeing our boys have so much fun with other men..

To be getting the attention and appreciate they really want from you..

Will always want from you..

Tho what do they do..

What do I do...for them..

When you aren't here?

When you haven't been here..

When you let drama be your priority..

And pridefulness by your guide..

I'm praying for you now..

As I navigate new waters..

Having faith you're doing the same..

Cuz I know the tasks set before you..

Are not ones you've chosen before..

Dear Cabbit... you've become a pirate...

I keep hearing that line from Hook..

Where granny Wendy looks at grown up Peter after his son describes his adult life..

And she looks at him with genuine shock..

And said, "Peter... You've become a pirate.."

And then the music from when tink gets him to Neverland, and drops him off with the pirates to try to rescue his kids..

That almost tribal music, that tells you to watch where you go and what you say..

Cuz ancient magicks are afoot..

As are ruthless pirates..

Then there's the scene where the mom, before the kids were taken, throws Peters cell phone out the window and tells him "you're missing it", and describes how he's missing his kids lives..

And he STILL takes her and them for granted..

Until Hook nabs his kids..

And challenges him to the greatest challenge ever;

Which wasn't actually rescuing his kids.

It was Finding Himself.

Reconnecting with his inner child.

Looking at and finally releasing his childhood wounds.

Facing his childhood fears and his adult fears.

And being willing to do anything to save his kids; including trusting a crazy fairy and a bunch of kids, lol

There's so much about this journey

When we have to do that.

Take leaps of faith without having all the data or knowing how long it'll take or what ppl will think;

And just trust that when we take actions that align with our hearts, that we know will make us feel good about who we are inside, and what we feel we stand for.

I know that's much of what your guides are teaching you now.

I can tell by how the "you've become a pirate" line keeps coming up, though with your name in there, instead of Pan's.

I feel the energy of "miraculous change".

Increasingly over the past few days.

And can hear the "got to learn how to fight, remember how to fly, and crow."

Feels like the energy of you learning to find happy grateful thots that help you stand up for yourself and get you free.

And learn to fly.

Without alcohol or anything else.

Feels like you might be getting back into your music again too..

Picking up your guitars..

And reconnecting with yourself...

You know, the funny thing about that.

Is that if you were playing regular music and I was allowed to witness that; I'd feel far safer about the situation you're in.

Tho I know just like some other bits of your soul, being over there so long has rendered you energetically impotent.

A feeling I recall.

It's no fun.

Tho there's silver linings.

Like sustainable growth.

And spontaneous growth.

All of which will likely be in you doing more things that I asked you to do.

Wherein when you'll fall in love with me again and again.

Esp as you start to feel better about yourself.

Which is when the fogs will really start to lift.

And then understanding will come across your beautiful mind.

And then you'll come find me and the boys.

And we will all rejoice 🥰🕊️🕊️

Dear Cabbit....Day 4

Old karmic cycles, loops, contracts, and binds are releasing as I write this.

Been feeling it.

Been going with it.

And considering you reached back out

And our convo flow is much easier

And that you don't appear to be running or chasing anyone..

It feels like you're releasing too.

It feels like the big one for you, was your long time fear of us repeating what happened with your parents.

Spirit tells me you already see, that was never going to happen with us the way it happened with them, and that the only reason it's gotten this close, is cuz you needed to manifest a big wake up call.

Which you've done.

And now you're unraveling entanglements.

And dreaming of being able to pass the "peace of mind and heart" test, so you can feel like you feel it in you and bring it with you when you come.

Dear Cabbit...the cut off...

You know.

It's interesting how you and the two close friends I've released this past year, all had it in your minds that the best way to deal with ppl who hurt you, is to completely cut them out of your life and go cold turkey on communications and all other things.

Your sisters agree too.

It seems to be a common thot.

And with complete irony, when any of you are then the one completely cut out and cut off coldly; you all hate it.

You all seek to justify why it was acceptable when you say for me to do that to others; or with you, when you do it to me.

Then when the shoe is on the other foot, I'm a delusional asshole who abandoned you in your times of need after 'all' you did for me.

Strange fruit, eh?

Dear Cabbit... I've defended your honor...time after time...

I was just thinking about it..

I've completely disconnected from anyone who ever tried to use our connection to get me to do something for them, or who tried to suggest I shouldn't believe in you.

Several have said you're broken and either always will be, or that it's such a long shot that you'll choose to heal, even though you can, that it'll take too long and I'd be wasting my time to believe in you.

Actually, several of those same ppl, seemed to be jealous that my heart is so clearly with you always, and how I can manage to heal and uplevel and grow, even with what you've been doing and how you've been acting in the 3d.

Like they get jealous cuz they don't feel anyone has ever loved them like I love you, and can see that they don't feel self loving enough to love others the way I love you either.

A few, who walked with me on this journey, even got to see; you aren't the only one I see so much light in that I see them as worthy of my admiration, forgiveness, and attention.

I have given you far more in the past.

And even now, as I chose myself and distance from you - even that is giving you more then I've ever wanted to give to another human being.

Though that isn't too say there aren't others out there who will earn such loyalty from me.

I know I have room for it.

And that I can walk with that in good ways.

Anyways.

Thot it'd be fun to document for later thot andor convos.

Whether just for me, or as I'd hoped; for us.

Dear Cabbit... trust fall...

Today I ended the very close and deep friendship I had going since shortly after our missions started.

Feels like another good choice for me.

And also like a choice you're reflecting.

I think you were ready to release your karmic connections before I was this time.

We just both needed a little belly fire, so to speak..

Anyways..

I'm both excited and a lil anxious about the season ahead.

I know you've got work to do in getting fully untangled from where you've been.

And I've got to learn to loosen up and just have some fun and not worry about the outcomes.

Which I know you're learning too.

You just had some deeper healing work.

That's ok.

Just shows how amazing you already were, that you're journey has been deeper than many others...

Either way..

I go forward, only trusting my heart..

That whatever happens next..

Especially after my last challenge to you, to either release me fully or step back into the light and doing right..

Might be quiet for a while..

Might not..

Idk..

Tho I'm embracing the fun of many joyfully amazing pleasant surprises ahead; from you and all others.

Still..

I feel squishy..

I miss you..

I'm sure you know..

By now you ought too...lol

Anyways..

You're always in my prayers..

And I'm always believing in you.

I know you'll do the right things when you're ready too..

And that that's always sooner then I expect and better then I imagined ❤️

Dear Cabbit...u said magick words...

"I don't need them"

"There's a difference between want and need"

And "happiness doesn't come from money".

This is when the plot gets good.

I'm really pleased u picked me 2 get 2 b the 1 to say "aww, but u is so much stronger now!"

And 2 b a safe place 4 u 2 come when the rest of the world is chaos.

Also, somehow I just know..

Ur bday is going 2 b soooo awesome...

N I bet it'll have somethin 2 do w/notes 4 me..

Past & present.

If not, it's still fun to imagine it, lol

Dear Cabbit...high caliber patience..

Wait..

Go..

Wait..

Stay..

Wait..

Go...

Wait...

Come here..

Wait..

Go away..

Wait..

Leave me be..

Wait..

Please don't go..

Wait..

This has been ur Cabbit trail pattern..

For quiet some time my love..

5:55

It's def helped me gain a divine level of patience and fortitude..

You're lucky your worth it...lol

Dear Cabbit...the most important ingredient in home made french toast...

It's music.

The song you sing to yourself while you make it.

Whether the radio is on or not.

🥰🥰🥰

Dear Cabbit...*hugs*

I miss you.

I know you miss me.

I still think of you lots, an pray for your happiness and good health often.

Tonight I'm cuddled up with lil lion and lady bunny, gettin ready fall asleep so we can get our oldest up in the mornin to get to go for some breakfast with you..

I'm proud of you for sayin yes to that.

And havin faith it's gonna be great for you both, and that if there are any squishies for anyone including me, they'll be minimal.

Also, I'm def getting into quittin smoke soon.

That tweet song you sent months ago; still true. 

Smokin smokin.

Thinkin of you...

*Sigh*

Idk that I can prevent the thinking of you.

Though it feels like I can at least find something healthier to put in my mouth while I think of you 😉

We'll see, I spose.

Dear Cabbit...love notes before a dance..

I'm amused at my own creativity this morning.

My calendar alerted me that today is the day to start "writing love letters" to you, in preparation to go to the WC dance, so that you would have love letters to read while we were gone. 

I've decided I'm going to write some to you now, similar to this blog.

And do it as if you've been away at a dance yourself, and I've been the one at home keeping things goin.

And I'm gonna write some to myself to.

Not sure how many, but it feels fun.

And that way I can tell you about writing love letters to myself for before a dance, and tease you with my self love, lololol

Oh my.

Just had a fun vision...

Of me loving myself being like me workin on biz and getting healthy and getting house and going out for music fun, and then telling you about it.

I genuinely didn't figure you'd get as jealous about me doing well with that stuff, as you have...

I knew you'd find it attractive.

I thought about all the stories you'd tell about what you feel in love with with each karmic visitor...

And what you didn't like..

And the same about me...

You feel in love w/Feminine's who were independent, passionate, and bold.

And Feminine's who were sweet, adorable, and silly.

You want someone you feel 'like a man' with, though without trapping you into boxes of what masculinity means..

You want someone who accepted that you have many fiery aries placements and are going to have your 'moments' of bratty pechulants...lol

You want feminine who is in kitchen not cuz that's where they 'belong', but cuz that's where they love to be.

You like Feminine's who pay attention to you, and Intuit just the right way to ask you what you want...and then they remember what you wanted, so they can remind you when you forget your own heart...

You like Feminine's who are rough and tumble and can hang with the guys, yet who is never 'manlier' then you, and who exudes deeply feminine energy -- the kind of Feminine who others look at and say "what a woman!"

And what you need us a feminine who knows you'll mess up from time to time; and some of those times will be big times, and that she'll have to find ways to love herself and you, until you come back to where you always do - your heart; where you love like no other and carry planets with big oceans across great desserts just to prove to yourself that you can...

And you need a feminine who knows when you need to do things alone, and can give you space without ever giving you the idea that she's not thinking of you always.

One who can be your dance partner in any dance you pick up.

Be your prefect counterbalance in any theater character you pick up and act out..

A feminine who isn't afraid to speak up and put you in your place, in those times when your better nature gets away from you; without holding onto whatever it was that manifested such contrast.

A feminine who doesn't like fighting for fightings sake, and knows how to guide you both to mutually beneficial resolutions, without forgetting that with so much warrior energy in you; sometimes you just need a fight.

That it's not about less love or anything actually being wrong.

A feminine who falls in love with such a human 'flaw', and calls it a "perfect imperfection", as she lovingly flows with your energy until it's not fun or healing anymore - then reels you both back in from the shadows, so neither of you ever dips so far in as to not be able to come back.

Much like a good Domme leading her sub in and out of space.

You need a feminine who doesn't let you get away with minimal reciprocation.

Who reminds you how good you feel when you are in your masculine lover energy.

A feminine who knows how to say "do it like this", while showing you that you doin everythin right already.

A feminine who always puts herself first without ever putting you last, and requires you do the same.

A feminine who is good Mama.

Not just cuz your kids are you heart, but cuz you need that nurturing mama energy so so so much.

Though without the "mom" energy.

So it never gets to be "you're not my mother", or "omg! I've married my mother!" energy, lol

Your feminine must naturally know how to toe that line.

And must enjoy it.

Find it endearing; all your 'lil' sides.

And all the places lil you tangles up w/Big you.

Where the Papa in you lives.

She must honor that side of you too.

She must always honor who you've been and who you are, while always making room for who you will be - cuz you the type of creature who never stops growing.

She needs to also remember how often you forget that about you.

Which will help her stop and give you all the hugs you don't always know you need in moments when you believe you are other then you.

You need a feminine who remembers how often you feel lost, and who can see you're never really lost; you're just wandering - so she can remind you, and be like a trusted flash light in the dark.

The kind of companion who turns any 'trouble' into an adventure - a quest!

You need a feminine who cares about herself.

Her body, mind, and Spirit.

Not just cuz you find her self care very sexy; also cuz you become who you love, and when you love someone who doesn't love themselves - you stop loving yourself so much...

And often blame yourself for their sad states too...

You need a feminine who hears your heart and doesn't mind that you do most everything like a crab does...sideways and zigzags....lol

Someone who sees that you sometimes go very fast and other times go very slow.

Other times you completely jump dimensions to decades old or new timelines - to do healing you need to do.

You need a feminine who enjoys allthethings! Lol

Who is allthethings! Lol

And there's nothing wrong with that.

Cuz this Divine Feminine loves knowing there will always be growth and variety with her Divine Masculine, who is so spoiled there will never be lack of challenge to achieve with him, lolol

*Sigh*

I know you're not far.

It's just as clear in the stars as it is in your eyes when I see you.

I look forward to sitting at our Sunday table in our farm house, drinking coffee and oj, telling tall tales about "dance of coming together", and all the things we learned and chose to become, that lead us to such beautiful moments.

Where we can let the kids sleep in, before having some kind of "churching" with them.

Likely quads, music, and gardening, lol

Always yours you silly goof,

Madame Goddess Lady Bunny Rose 😜

Dear Cabbit...if boys stay...

Song: "Smile" by NKC

Been thinkin bout your joke.

Bout our oldest likely living in my basement as he gets older.

I know most of that is from your resentment about the visitors oldest boy; who is now adult, and currently has no intention to work or get license or enjoy freedoms that come with adultin...

And also cuz of how long I've relied on my parents...

I think it's more about the situationshit over there though..

I see visions of you 'getting it'...

Putting together breadcrumbs and eggs..

Seeing the distraction chickens and purple ducks...

Seeing what I saw from early on..

That you saw too..

That you were determined to change the reality of, in some way that didn't equal any "told ya so's"...

I was listening to a reading from one of the few I still listen to when they post.

I was genuinely not expecting her to say she was channeling a DM who left to prove a point, and when he found himself in the very mess that his DF had been upset about...he stayed away cuz of his pride...cuz he didn't want to be told "told ya so"....and then his loving DF tried to warn him with her Intuitive powers...

Which she did again and again..

And then she stopped...

Cuz although he heard her...

It only poked at his pride more...

Cuz every time she spoke the future..

It manifested..

Almost exactly as she said it would..

And each time that happened..

Her DM would get mad at her for being right...

Until he wasn't mad at her anymore..

And instead...

Was sad...

Cuz he finally saw..

Over time..

That she hadn't been telling him to try to gain favor or take advantage like everyone else...

She just loves him...

And genuinely wanted to help him avoid the very pain that kept him from going all the way with her....no matter how much he wanted to...

And seeing that, he then still held back..

Because he FELT the weight of what he'd really done..

Of who he'd let himself become...

All just to avoid reliving one moment in time...

When he tried to be loyal to a karmic ex wife who rejected him badly when he did...

I remember those days...

I'm not sure if you do yet..

Maybe that's why I'm thinking of them..

The days after she told you "told you so"...

I was there...

Holding you...

Listening to you...

I know the story so well..

Cuz I was in it..

I was there...

As the one helping you heal..

You had options then too...

And you tried them too...

Drinking and drugs...

Friends and family..

And then you remembered me..

That was in your lynden apartment..

Probably several months after it happened..

After you'd started coming to your sisters to see our first born and feel things out with me..

I remember you trying to be kinky, and then going to a sad place...

Which is where you were most of the time back then...

It's funny to say...

But you're really really beautiful when you're sad, lol

Like, not depressed or actively hurting.

Idk how to describe it.

Esp as, I don't like seeing you sad.

No matter how beautiful.

And that rubs up against the part of me that sees the deep beauty in your sad squishy energy....lol

Either way..

I remember...

It reminds me of what you said for a while, about how you missed the me who used to listen to you...

And you loved that...

Cuz no one else seemed to really listen to you..

Feels like my listening was like your hugs..

One in a million...

Cuz you can talk to a million ppl; some of whom might even be quiet and just let you talk....though there's something about that one person...who listens in ways no one else does...whether they're quiet or not...

I'm gonna send that to you in a bit I think..

I'm doing my best not to send you a bunch of texts right now, cuz you said you were up all night before taking our youngest to school today, and really needed a nap so you could come back later and play with our boys as you've so wonderfully been doing for coming on 4 weeks 🥰

Though it feels like that one is just right to send in this in-between...

As I think about your energy when you showed up today..

It felt like the song "smile" that for whatever reason I've been listening to on repeat.

Just hit it again, and I know I've heard played it at least 20 times.

It's not a very long song, lol

I see your eyes..

Deep and blue...

And the way you sat...

A little leaned forward at the shoulders..

Like you finally put down a great weight you've been carrying for very long time..

The vision I get..

The feeling too...

Is when I had final fight with DP, and he told me I should just run off to you, cuz he knew you were who I really loved all along anyways..

Which now that I think about it, your sisters friend AS, did to me when she blew up our friendship in a spinout, lol

Not the exact same way, but all same energy.

It's like ppl see how I love you, and they get envious of it...

And they want me to love them that way..

Thinking that you're all just bad behavior and snark, and that I just love that sort of thing, which means I should be able to love them no matter what and just give of myself to them endlessly, cuz that's what they think happens with you...

When the reality is that even with the bad you have done, you've not ever done the things to me that they have...

And I'm not promiscuous; either in energy or in 3d.

I know I have come off that way; part of which was intentional cuz I thought that was the only way I'd get affection.

Though the rest was simply cuz ppl saw my codependent side, and like...translated that into meaning I was just a giver who'd give to anyone who gave me "more" then they thought you were giving me.

They never seemed to realize, my love for you was never based on what you did for me or gave to me.

Heck, you couldn't do or give me anything when we met - in 3d.

You had no money.

I brought money, smokes, adventures, fun, and understanding.

That doesn't mean you brought nothing though.

You brought me you.

And that meant more to me then anything you could've given me.

You were present.

You wanted to hear about my family and friends and thoughts about things.

You wanted to sit with me..

You wanted to lick me...lol

And you wanted to tell everyone about it!

You trusted me...

You liked my cheesy romantics..

You loved the way I loved you..

You tested to see if it was genuine..

And then you cared..

About my future..

And my innocence...

That touched every part of my heart..

In ways no one else yet has...

My friend RL has gotten close.

And I really needed that during this time.

For someone to get close.

Because they wanted to.

And because I let them.

Like I let you...

I feel the way you felt...

When you asked me about if I could get our youngest after school..

It felt close to energy of when you left..

With just a few texts..

"You got the boys?"

And when I said yes and asked how long you'd be gone..

And all you said was "I just need space from you"...

Feels like there might be another moment similar to that coming...

A few actually..

Though it won't be you asking me to do all for boys and myself while you find "space"..

It'll be more like you saying you need space from visitor to visitor...

And with me, will say something similar to when you asked if I could forgive you for taking space...

And begged me to keep thinking good things about you...

Which I never stopped doing...

I listened to you...

I always listen to you..

When it's really you...

The you who already told me you felt stuck and trapped...

The you who told me he was afraid of "I told you so"...

The you who told my friend that our relationship is "surreal", and thanked her for her kindness in reaching out to you, when she didn't have to..

Showing me you now feel how much I care about you when you left...and how neither visitor or supposed friends of yours, is doin anything to make sure you not gonna hurt yourself either accidentally or on purpose..

That no one asking how you feelin..

No one fighting with you to come back..

No one askin you to come home..

No one saying you are they home..

Only me...

I'm the only one who asked you to..

The only one who cared enough to look out for you..

It feels like at that time, you knew it was genuine care but were filled with piss and vinegar, so in your ego you got mad and thought I was spying and digging and hurting someone who didn't deserve it, and just trying to mess with you head like others had.

And now you're seein...

Like you started to when she took your side of the bed...

And when no one wanted take off your shoes..

And when she no do French toast breakfasts..

Either at BI or at home..

Like you started see more...on vday last year..

And your bday..

And 4th of July..

And Thanksgiving..

And Xmas..

And new years...

And probably your mamas bday this year..

And vday this year...

And Mama's Day this year..

And in all the stuff goin on with your mama..

It feels like you really seeing all I did...

In the absence of it...

Which makes it stick out like lightning...

Cuz you going through same stuff with visitor as did with karmic ex...

And somewhat with me..

And she not care to care for you...

Just as karmic ex wife didn't...

As no one is..

Except me..

Or at least, that feels like how you feelin about it...

I can see others caring about you..

Finding ways to show you...

They just doin it in ways you do it..

Ambiguous..

Mixed signals..

Though it's clear to me..

Though it feels like Spirit needed you to not see what they doin for a while..

To see yourself..

And see me..

To feel the contrast of someone who has always cared...

Like the card RL pulled for me..

That talked about the Man who realized the woman he loved and had pushed away, had been hurting herself to help him all along and he didn't see it...

It feels like that...

Like you feeling all I've done..

All that you tried convince yourself was just a trick of some kind...

And your now seeing...

I trusted my intuition..

And followed my heart...

And because I did...

You're now set up to see it..

How I've always been there...

How I always do the right thing even when it's hard..

Well...most of the time anyways 😝

It feels like you also seeing..

I helped you see what you needed to see..

And go through what you needed to..

To help you heal the things that have been holding you back since before us...

And be in a place now..

Where you can be sad..

And it won't eat you..

Not like before...

Esp as..

I keep seeing flashes of you sayin she's hardly ever home...

Always takin her kids out..

Which is a funny reflection of what my mom has been saying about me, huh?

I didn't even think of that as a sign until now.

Though it is.

And it's another moment that shows you what I said; about visitor being 'old me'.

Cuz you do see the pics every day of how much I am at yellow house with boys.

And you know I'm not out fucking around in ways visitor is.

I'm genuinely working; either on biz or on dd.

You know me.

And you see reflection now.

I bet you seein about her, what I noticed about the karmics I called in when I was hurt by you keeping options and emotionally cheating..

That they were all like you..

And that I didn't want any of them..

I wanted you back..

The real you...

Feels like you seeing that about what you did and who you picked...

And going through what I did when I released them, and showed you..

Hmm...

My mind travels back to what I started this blog about..

With your joke from last week, about our oldest living in basement as adult...

I know most of that is from pain of feeling like you tried everything to make things work with visitor and her kids..

When you now seeing that her oldest didn't work or help, mostly cuz she communicated to him that it was okay to just ignore you and use you..

Like you feared I told our kids to do...

More karma that I didn't think about into just now...

Feels like energy of when we had the "not a date lunch date" at BI, and you told me you knew they were just using you.

Either way, when I think about our boys maybe living with us or just me, as adults; I don't see that as a bad thing.

I want to see them get out and enjoy life and adulting and all the things.

Though if they were doing all that and still living with us or me, what's wrong with that?

Life could be worse then getting to spend it with your kids and the adventures they get into, you know?

Though something tells me, esp with all the time you've talked about how you know our kids aren't afraid to work..

And him talking about wanting a job.

And telling you he doesn't want big gifts if it doesn't come with your love.

And me telling you about all he does.

And all the focus all year on how he loves you and misses you and wants you love...

That's such a contrast to all visitors kids just wanting your money and stuff, eh?

Morning thoughts..

Hmm...

Dear Cabbit... careful...Cabbie falls in love easily...

There are so many energies rn...

The convos about polyam..

And the song by H.R.

And the doodles..

And the "she took my side of the bed"..

And "I don't want it to fade like it did with my parents..."

And "careful...Cabbie falls in love easily.."

It feels like..

Lots of feels..

Papa feels..

Dear Cabbit....the beginning...

It's funny..

The memories that float in between the visions and gnowings and thoughts..

More and more lately..

I find myself lost in memories of when we met..

That first glance and smirk..

First joke and bluff calling..

First kiss..

First intimate touch..

The first house I put you up in, lol.

That leads me into thoughts of all the other "firsts" we've shared...

And all the days we turned from sad days, to happy ones..

All the new memories we've made in old places..

And how everything that's happening now..

Is going to enhance all of that..

When the time is divine...of course...lol

Dear Cabbit....how could you think I'd be...

Listening to a song called "Friend" by Gracie Adams.

The song feels like it's about a woman who really really loved (or loves) someone who hurt her deeply and then ran away.

Then that ex wants to be "friends".

The song came into the radio about the time you sent me that text saying you "finally" knew what you wanted, and that you most def wanted to be "warm friends", and most certainly didn't want to be "enemies".

Which was sent right after your response to me asking if you'd FINALLY be happy if I just gave you the kids and left the state. If that will be far enough away for you to stop thinking I was trying to control you.

Funny.

Just realized in this moment, that is energy we just went through again; in an evolved way...

An "uplevel recycle".

Actually, it feels it the 3rd time.

The first time, I was "trying to control" you by asking you to see the kids and to be forward with what went on at your house when the boys were there...

Then it was me being "controlling" by allowing ppl to tell me about your visitors, and then warning you of what I found; cuz it wasn't good, and you confirmed that when you later told me you wished you would've listened to me (a wish that's going to keep coming until you actually do listen, lol).

The next time was when I told you that you had to be kind to the kids, feed them regularly, and have healthy boundaries around them that all other adults around them have to have too.

This the was you accusing me of being controlling for allowing our youngest to say he wanted you to say sorry to our oldest in order for you to come over and see him, and requiring that you communicate with me about parental stuff and don't attempt that bs "divide and conquer" stuff.

Which, thankfully, won't ever happen anyways, cuz of how close the boys and I are.

Thankyou Spirit for that.

Actually, thankyou to you and all visitors too.

That's real and it's permanent.

Unfuckwithable.

Anyways...

The song...

"friend"...

I used to turn it off when it would come on.

I don't anymore.

I think about it's many meanings that it's had for me throughout the year.

The biggest two that come up: 

1. How could you think you could just stay friends with me, when you picked someone to cohabitat with, who is volcano level insecure and from the ilk of women you said you can't stand, cuz they castrate you and take away all your freedom.

The very women that traumatized you so much that you punished *me* for it, and still do - going on our 20th year 😞

2. How could you think you could just stay friends with me; you feel in love with me because I was your lover AND best friend. 

And hell, there were plenty of times throughout this year, that I did play along with your pretendings, and was being perfectly respectful and social and such, and YOU turned it into a festival of your squishes about us.

That was with us being ONLY friends.

And that was YOU falling in love with me over and over.

You couldn't be "just friends" with me if your life depended on it, and even moreso; everyone can see that, which just heightens number 1, lol

Pffffft.

Just be my friend and not fall in love with me.

Not remember how good you had it.

How I spoiled you.

How much fun we had...

Still do have..

When you're not letting yourself be controlled by everyone but you...

3. How could you think I wouldn't fight for you for forever?

Yes. I could be just friends. 

I know I've proven that. 

Though you know me VERY well.

You know I'm epically romantic.

You know I love you unconditionally.

You know I'm sassy, tenacious, Intuitive, extremely intelligent, and I'm not intimidated by much.

So even if you didn't know that when I want something, I get it...you would know all the rest, and it would a "duh" moment when you'd realize now, what you were surprised by all this time...

That I fought for you.

And I fought fair and respectfully.

Hell, can you imagine if I'd fought dirty? 😂

I know so much, and I didn't even try to romance you once, lol

I did get close with last year's Valentine's gift.

Though that was so low key for me, and you are the person who knows that best, lol.

In fact.

I bet you were surprised by that.

That I didn't spend more time trying to romance you, and really throwing myself into it like I used to...

Funny thing is, even with what I did do that could be qualified as "making moves", I genuinely did just spend most of the year learning.

About myself.

About you.

About your visitors.

About my friends and clients.

Our families and stuff.

That wasn't what I set out to do.

It just kind of became what I did do, in my efforts to continue "releasing control", and releasing attachment traumas.

When you cease controlling very few things or ppl around you; including yourself, you mostly just observe things.

Almost makes me feel like Maverick, when he told the table to get real, and recognize he was learning everyone's tells for the first hour he promised to "lose".

Except the cool part, is that I didn't really realize I was doing that, and certainly didn't have any intention of being able to use any of the data except for writing future "based on true stories" kind of romcom fiction, lol

And now I find myself a "cycle keeper" of sorts.

Which has helped a lot of ppl actually.

Go figure.

Funny huh?

I still giggle at how many times you thought I was genuinely trying to interfere.

Most of the time, I was just squishy.

Caught up in emoceans about us, and about the horrifying situation you got yourself into.

The rest of the time, I was just learning to practice healthier boundaries, which crashed right up against your entitled ego and bratty nature.

Which, I'm really glad about actually.

After having to get to a place of such unfuckwithable self trust and faith in you, and what little time dipping I did into the dating world, I'll never have another huge problem setting a boundary with a lover - least of all you, and least of all when it comes to anything about the kids.

Funny.

That makes #4. "How could you think we could just be friends", when you know I value honor, integrity, honesty, kindness, and reference for all living creatures?

With who you picked to be "closest" to you - both in terms of partners and friends..

I mean, even those of them that aren't cheating you out of things andor cheating on their spouses, are certainly not interested in "doing the right thing even when no one is looking, just because it's the right thing to do".

Hell, even your bosses don't seem to care about having some genuine honor and empathy.

How could you think that would've ever worked?

You know all your "options" would laugh off any effort just to get them to be "kind", let alone any of the rest, and you knew I would grow in my self love and get even more into "high caliber" energies.

Even if you and I could be just friends without constantly falling in love with each other, there's no way that wouldn't pull you apart at the seams - as it seems to have done.

*Sigh*

Interesting to see where things sit.

Dear Cabbit.....weird because it's...

That's the energy of things right now.

The "thread" as we've been calling them.

Things that are "weird" because they are "real", and things that are "weird" because they "aren't real".

I was talking with one of my favorite 6 type friends who speaks much in a similar language and energy as you, when you're just being yourself.

She and I were making a 'notable note' (another term becoming normal, lol) about how...once you can tell that something is weird because it isnt real...then you can tell when something is weird because it is real...and then that makes the things that are weird because they aren't real, stand out even more then before.

It gives the "isn't real" stuff a "sticky edge".

And the "is real" stuff a soft feather glow..

They often run together too.

Which makes it useful to be able to discern the truth of things...

Like when someone shares half truths.

Which sometimes we do because we think we have to, cuz it feels like the only action the receiver will accept from the speaker.

Other times because we're scared to really be "seen" for who we really are; esp in moments our "flaws" might come on display...

It was an interesting conversation to have.

Looking forward to when you get to meet her and hang out with all of us.

I know in so many ways, it'll heal your feminine wounds so so much.

Dear Cabbit....freedom rising...

It's funny...

So many of the things that happened when you first left, that scared me deeply...

Are now many of the things I find feel most exciting...

Most esp these strange moments of silence...

Esp when nearly EVERYONE is silent...

It's like I've found a piece of the "no time" place...where everyone's going through sped up healings...

And when rendezvous start happening again...

It'll be glorious...lol

Dear Cabbit...happy anniversary...

It's 10:42

On "5/5/5"; 5/5/2021

Our 15th anniversary.

I find no coincidence in that the day equals 15, and the anniversary number is 15.

There's lots of Heirophant, Devil & Lovers energy in all of it.

I know part of it is you feeling all the feels of not having anyone keep track of or put any effort into celebrating your special days with you...

And something to do with how I handled your request for help when you found Dusty...

It also has to do with all the "truth energy" and accountability going around with everyone.

Idk.

It's still early.

I'm gonna enjoy this day no matter what, including by celebrating our love.

So it'll be interesting to see what bonuses you bring to that, either today between the two of us; or that you'll tell me about later when it is revealed what karma got worked out today that lead you back to your heart...

Dear Cabbit....follow the music...

 I'm not sure how to describe what I feel...sense...or see...

Something about...

Lead the way...with music...

Though not exactly the same way as before...

It also feels like a mix of the energy of "make him jealous"..

But evolved...

Envy...though the positive side of it...

Like...if you could see me...rising up for music...

And still carrying my tarotstrology biz...and the kids...

Then maybe you would see that you can do so much more...

There's also a ton of jokes about manifesting some of your favorite musicians to sing with...

Which feels like in your kinky mind, it would translate to "be with"...

So silly...

Funny enough...

Whether just to create award winning albums...or more...

It feels like its almost not enough of a challenge...

Not after you...lol

We'll see...I spose...

Dear Cabbit....enjoying spaces in between..

Some weeks ago

I set an intention to find a faithful way to enjoy the spaces in between..

In between getting to chat with my friends..

In between having this I want...

In between manifestings...

Between us talking openly...

Between us getting to play...

Between us getting to be together..

And by George! I think I'm starting to get it.

Cuz I just realized I've come to enjoy the quiet times between friends chatting, and also...

I am really enjoying the visions of you not feeling pressured to respond to me.

Just loving and adoring that I like to message you.

Knowin I'm happy to text you when I do, cuz I want to, not cuz I expect anything from you.

Feeling the love from that.

That's cool 🥰

Dear Cabbit...from war to tour..

Somewhat recently, I told my best galpal that Spirit had helped me see it's time to start releasing the energy of all karmics.

Which is when I first decided to start thinking of you as simple "away at war", and as myself as a loyal, blessed, and confident walksbeside caring for the family while you go through your "wars".

Thinking of it this way became super funny when our youngest prince thought to stop that fight at the park the other day, and said he saw the other kids were "war starting", lol

Spirit loves to both make fun of me and show me how much fun can be had with manifestings like these, and I luff that, lol

Anyways.

It was that energy that lead me towards getting away from using the term "karmic" or anything that gives any significant permanent placement of their energy in our story.

Which was inspired by something happening with my friends after that dreamtime being came to visit them in the 3d, that I helped confirm for them, was not a being or creature they could trust, and helped be the 'inevitable hero' that my birthdayology day says I am, lol

Anyways.

That's how I got towards referring to all temporary teachers in the story of us, as "visitors".

Cuz that's all they are.

Visitors.

They do have an influence on the story.

Though it's temporary.

Short-term.

And in the scheme of things, the only part of their presence in our story that's consequential, is that they came to help show us how much we love ourselves, each other, our kids, and being sources of good and light in the world 🥰🥰🥰

I'm definitely grateful to all the visitors who've already come and gone, those currently exiting, and those who will come and go in the future.

Whenever I look at the story of us, it's the contrast they bring to us, that seems to add the rocket fuel to our magnetic reunions.

Funny.

In many ways.

I almost find myself looking forward to any future moments when any visitors might attempt to come tempt you again.

Cuz I know this time around, you're far more aware of how they always bring us closer, and I look forward to moments when you and I get to look into each other's eyes full of consciousness, and giggle about anyone "checking in", or trying to create emotional strings to lure you in with.

Esp after these past 19.5 years.

This past year adding much not emphasis.

Not spouses.

Not exes.

Not flirty workplace cougars.

Not mean friends.

Not devils nor demons nor distance.

Nothing drives us apart.

Not even conflict.

It all brings us closer and closer, lol

Anyways..

I was thinking last night..

About how you used to always say you were afraid to pursue your dream to be a famous musician.

And how a part of your fear is that I wouldn't be happy or still love you if you were away on tour - most esp if you joined in on the lifestyle it appears rockstars live when on tour..

Funny thing is, I knew your fears were more about whether or not ppl would really love you as a musician, and about WANTING to get to be the wild bachelor who could freely do all he wanted; without having to share me with anyone else while you were away, when I'd show you that me and the boys could go with you and add to the fun.

With emphasis on when GoldenRod said he could totally see us as a gypsy carvan/partridge fam type family, lol

So, those thoughts came to me, cuz after seeing all my adorable choices of the past year; in addition to my choices 18 years before then, I laughed and thought "I sooooo def pass the musicians wife test".

I've got ever had quality and perfect temperment for it.

Most esp cuz I wouldn't be sitting around brooding or becoming some groupie.

I'd be out Manifesting my own delightful successes in various ways.

Ways that most def would keep you captivated, as they already do.

And I have so much self worth, self respect, open mindedness, and faith in myself, in you, and in Us, that no temperary flings would bother me.

Cuz they are just that; temporary.

And whether we have conflict over it or not, it'll bring us closer together.

Heck, clearly, even if they try to use powerful spells, legalities and crazymaking; they still can't break our natural divine connection.

And mostly; cuz neither of us want it broken 🥰🥰🥰

Anyways.

After thinking about the delightfulness of all that, and what I know are going to be fun conversations about all this..

I decided to change my thought thread, from thinking of you as away fighting your wars (which was fitting and you were doing), as now thinking of you as simple away "on tour".

And I'm delighted about how that will help you.

I know you've already started very much reconnecting with your music...

I'm not sure if you've locked yourself in your thrown room and MADE time to play guitar and work on your music..

Though I have a sense you will start now..

Esp as..

When I'm imagining myself as the beautiful walksbeside and wife of you as a famous touring musician..

I'm seeing visions of you taking your music very seriously at first..

Seriously enough that you protect it..

You work on it in private space.

You don't share it with visitors, and make conscious effort to smudge the space you play in in some way, so visitor energy doesn't effect your vibration or music..

You share your music with only me for a time..

Knowing I'm deeply trustworthy of hearing it and never adding icky energy to it.

You know I'll always be honest about how it sounds, without being judgey or unkind.

You like our interactions.

And you love when I play with you during production...

Trusting that anything you can't hear, I can.

I envision you daydreaming and fantasizing about letting yourself play passionately, and becoming a famous musician..

You seeing yourself as just as and moreso famous then I...

Which isn't a giant climb, but I do set the bar fairly high, and you know I'll always be the type to naturally climb higher and higher, just by being myself delightfully.

Which means you must be passionately in love with yourself and your music..

So you too, can delight others and feel supported in delighting them just by being who you choose to be naturally in each moment, and knowing that makes their enjoyment of your music even more profound for you and for them... 🥰

I'm imagining you delighting in impressing me.

Through which you always find yourself impressing yourself - which is the real fun in that sort of game.

Cuz with almost anyone else you know so far, the only way to impress them, is to be who you are not.

Whereas the only way to impress me, is to be more and more yourself.

To be real af.

The realest of the realest.

Which means you have to choose yourself in the healthiest ways, and by extension of that, means you didn't take, fake, or make up who you are, what you want, and what your made of.

Which means YOU achieved successes being YOU.

It feels sooooo good when we've achieved successes being ourselves, and then get to see and feel how deeeeply loved we are for that.

It melts away all the transactional love we used to try to hold onto like our lives depended on it.

And shows us how much more delicious it feels to fill our own cups and be loved for it.

How much better it feels to share not just because our cups are always overflowing, but because we're giving to those who also always have more then enough; which means they never have any "need" to require or demand we keep giving to them.

Mmmm.

Deeeelicious thoughts.

Yours always, 

~ Lady Rose 🥰

Dear Cabbit...2:22

What an interesting day!

There's a collective energy of hyperaccountability, self judgment being projected onto others for things that don't really matter, self deceptions, ppl who make up reasons to be upset over issues that are non-issues, ppl publically outing ppl they're fighting with, grumpy pooping, resets, starting over, throat chakra healing, standing up for ourselves, nostalgia, releasing codependency, and no longer feeling hurt over other ppl having hurt feelings who are being impossible to please.

Also, the mattress thread is very interesting too..

Esp with those pics you sent me..

Looking forward to finding out what sort of absurdites you're creating andor releasing, lol

Dear Cabbit....emails...

Emailing you is such an interesting experience.

Esp when I don't have to.

Though that's part of what makes it kind of fun.

There are so many ways I could communicate with you.

If I wanted to, we both know I could make my presence known in very big ways that no one could really speak against.

And really, nothing I do is ever going to be anything near as toxic or dramatic as what the visitors have done in the past.

Which is oddly comforting, lol

Cuz they and your siblings visitors and the story of you all, has been filled with such drama and unrighteousness that even if I got as dramatic as the visitors, it would just be "expected".

As like, a "normal" and understandable response to your own choices.

Though I'm sure you're noticing what most everyone else is; I'm not like that.

I have it in me.

Should I ever truly need it.

Though that day likely won't ever arrive.

It's much more fun to find high vibe ways to shift timelines and heal the origins of the drama then to play the old boring games you and everyone else are used to and expect.

It's also much more fun to mind my own business and glow up, knowing that drives you wild in all the best ways, lol

I told you you didn't have to worry about me coming to you, cuz YOU will be coming to ME.

😆😆😆

I digress though..

As the sweetness of finding reasons to send you emails, reminds me of the emails I used to send you way back when..

When it was the only way to contact you..

Not that it helped much, considering you could only really connect at the library and at your brothers.

You remember that?

Going to the library to check your email? 😂

Wish I still had access to the tw86 email.

I'm amazed I even remember the name of it.

Either way.

It will be sweet when you send me screenshots of what I used to write to you..

And when you give me access to your email again.

I'm sure I didn't put anything 'too brave' in there outside of the one email where I confessed about that truth or dare game gone wrong.

And really, how adorable am I that my heart broke itself thinking that was such a huge deal when we were only fwbs? Lol

Anyways.

I'm enjoying the sweetness of what simple unassuming emails I can send from time to time.

Where I know you'll always have them to look back on, no matter what phone you have or what goes on with the clouds.

Fun to think about what that'll look like 20 years from now, lol

Dear Cabbit..."home"..

My spidey senses keep bringing to me, squishes about the day I changed our fb nicknames to "home", and the day I changed it away from that...

It feels like you're thinking about unblocking, unmuting, and undoing all blocks towards me soon...

That'll be interesting..

Dear Cabbit...how's it working out doing it all alone?

I'm listening to a reading, and the reader said the question in the title is something you're asking yourself, and I laughed cuz I could soooo see that.

Esp after how often I used to ask you similar things, lol.

Reminds of the times you'd say you'd just "do it".

Just magickally change with no in between process.

Which we tried, and when it didn't work, I called you out on "if that worked, we wouldn't be having these convos over and over."

I bet that's going through your mind lately.

How delicious, lol

Dear Cabbit... deliciousness...

I'm loving the deliciousness of this weekend's interactions, lol

If only you knew what I was out doing, lol

In any case, when my friend said she wanted to send you a message, I told her that was totally cool with me.

Esp as, she's so great at not feeling hurt by any lack of interaction, and she wasn't doing anything 'for me'.

She was messaging you cuz she loves you and how she knows you through me.

She already feels like you're friends, and I love that so much.

I deeply look forward to when you two get to meet.

And I luuuuuuff that you mentioned that twice in your msg to her.

She loves it too.

Also, funny enough, I had no idea what she decided to message you until today (the next afternoon), and when I sent you my message; that divinely came to me not long after you sent her your response, and because I've not got much memory space on my phone, I didn't see your response to my email until this afternoon, and was so delighted cuz I didn't have expectation of a response or anything.

I just gnew it was right to send you that and didn't fear any potential negative responses.

Just trusted that old intuition, which it seems like you're learning to do too 🥰

I'm very proud of you.

I can just feel all the juicy growth going on with you, and I love it.

I look forward to when I can gush and swoon all over you with my friends.

They're all excited for you and for that coming day too ☺️😎🥰

Dear Cabbit...like virgin...lol

I do look forward to getting to tell you why you have that song stuck in your head...lol

It started for you on a day that my gal friends and I were talking about the second and far more important "sacred virginity", and how this seperation has me feeling very virginal, and how that so much fits in with how I wanted to feel when we handfasted..

I know you're picking up on that, and I know that while you have some ego fears about me possibly having shared myself with others, the truth is that I haven't.

And I know you know that.

You'd feel it if I had.

And I know you're deliciously kinky mind is imagining what it would be like to be together for the "first time" after so long, esp with the truths you've learned about me and about yourself in all this time.

Most esp that I love you; genuinely.

That I chose you because I want to, not because I have to.

And you LOVE that.

It feels like nothing else you've experienced.

I know this in my heart.

And I know that when you think about that song, you think about me..

And you see that it's connected to me..

And you think about 'what if...' I've remained chaste...

And what that might feeeeel like..

It's gonna be delicious..

Electric...

Majestic...

Magick..

Absolutely 😊

Dear Cabbit...funny syncs..

Wow.

I think since deciding to watch far fewer readings, not acknowledge so many signs, and to fill my time with activities I enjoy...

That's when the syncs come in and make me laugh..

At both of us and all things.

Most esp as I know you're having the same thing happen to you.

Our consciousness loves to laugh in certain special ways we only usually feel in the 3d when together...

Until now..

As our 5d selves start to tease each other..

Anyways..

Today I got on to check my yt, and saw that most of the readers I trust are saying that you're preparing your words, that you regret what you've said and done, and that you see me as some sort of deity or something.

Feels like the return of the "High Caliber" conversations, lol

"You've got a friend in me", just came on the radio. 

I've been seeing many toy story references lately..

Most esp connecting to that song.

I can only assume that you're either feeling like you're missing me as your friend...or you're hoping I'll still hold a little faith in you...to stay my friend...to gnow what's going on intuitively..

"You just call out my name.."

Funny enough, my Spirit will always run right to you...

When you call or text, I still get butterflies.

Still get excited, even if I'm afraid of or aware that we might fight.

Anyways.

I'm gonna finish preparing to go to PO.

Visiting some friends for the day.

Been a long time since I've gone away from the neighborhood for more then a few hours. 

It'll be nice to spend the day away.

Then I can hopefully come back and be far more productive around the house.

That's what I'm working on again.

I did lil bits last year, to get my "wifey" game improved.

Cleaning, cooking, hygiene, and image.

Getting clothes that look nice, feel comfy, and show off my feminine energy.

Smelling really noice.

Getting to house chores before anyone asks me to.

I'm working to getting that stuff on point this year.

Esp as, when I set forth to fulfill your request to "give up", I knew that there would be some space between us for a bit and that it would be a very big test of my commitment, and that it would again be time to focus on myself..

Something I'm far better at doing these days, thankfully.

Thanks to last year, actually, lol.

("Best of my heart" by Eagles just came on)

Plus, these are some of the areas I've generally agreed with you that I have been to improve.

Not just because you need that in a partner; mostly because I like being able to do those things and feeling like the ppl I live with appreciate my flow and contributions.

Just had to work through some traumas first, more from childhood, that made it harder for me to recieve that feedback and even harder when my own procrastination led to your frustration.

Didn't realize that until a few weeks ago.

Brain thunder, lol

Anyways..

I love you...

You're in my prayers..

Esp as I know there are many towers that have crashed and are crashing around you all at one time...

If only you weren't such a stubborn old goat sometimes, lol

I know Spirit has shown you infinite times, how to get unstuck and have harmonious relations and experiences with everyone.

How to face your karma; in many different ways.

Though you're almost as stubborn as I am.

Which is why I get it.

So instead of being scared for you or worried; as I was the first time around, I've decided to be amused and faithful.

Cuz I know you've got this.

That you're chosing yourself.

Having faith in yourself.

And likewise, having faith in me.