I saw myself in a dream, writing to you many things. I also saw you writing to me, of many things.
Then a friend suggested I write a journal, to give to you when we eventually reunite. That felt almost "right". So I thought about it for a while. Then, after I told you I was going to withdraw my priority focus & energy from you for a while, as you learn what you need to learn & prove to yourself what you feel you need to - this blog is that cooperative component.
It also dawned on me, while writing a Facebook post about realizing how each person comes into our lives to teach us something, and offer us opportunities to ask & answer your favorite question, "What do I want?" - that I know now, what we've teaching each other in this life time.
It's a few things actually:
1. Genuinely Unconditional Love - For ourselves as much as each other.
2. We are Worthy & Adequate; Perfectly imperfect "flaws" & all.
3 We're always together & reflecting each other, even when we're not physically together.
4. Everything's gonna be alright - it all works out.
Then you sent me a message, in response to my authentic message to you, about feeling hurt by some of your recent choices & my decision to continue manifesting a future we will be proud of (that our future selves are already proud of) - you ended that message with "I hope everything works out for you".
Which, at first, hurt.
I felt you feeling like I was saying you weren't adequate.
I felt you beating up on yourself more - which I know is part of why you've been keeping yourself trapped in the other dimension you're in.
Then I felt myself feeling misunderstood.
Though then... I felt Spirit speaking to me. Showing me how my own thoughts contribute to keeping us stuck - and how, once again, we're reflecting each other.
Then I remembered seeing how, yesterday, you answered my question about if you were safe, one minute before I even asked the question - and I giggled.
Then I remembered how much you enjoy my giggle, especially in certain private situations; which made me laugh out loud to think about, and also caused me to realize that the Cabbit I know and love - whose been keeping himself trapped in another dimension for far too long - the sweet, loyal, thoughtful, intentional, brave, strong, fun, loving, resourceful, and so deliciously intelligent Man I first met 19 years ago - is once again teaching me how to stay in alignment with my true-heart, by speaking to me in a way I can only understand when I listen to my heart.
Just like you told me & our oldest son the other night - "Listen to your heart. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. It'll never lead you wrong."
Which was another moment I recognized my Cabbit was speaking to me. Showing me, how we're each learning about our powers - especially the power of choosing how we understand things, in choosing to see the best in ourselves & each other, and choosing what meanings we'll give to each thing we see, hear & feel.
Then I knew what you were telling me by saying, "I hope it all works out for you" - which you said to me once before, and I took in a cold & negative way before, and which I'm choosing to take in a positive, reassuring, and freeing way - cuz for you to say "I hope it all works out for you", could only mean one thing - after all the times I've told you I know we're going to work out (when the alignment is right), that I want & need you, that you're worthy of having everything you want - including me (which you confirmed for me is what you really want, not only by trying to apply what you learned from being with me in your current complicated dynamic with another, but in suggesting I need a partner who's a "tall order" because even you couldn't meet my standards; still not true, btw. You're meeting them now, even without really trying.), and that I'm worthy of having everything I want; including you - by you saying you hope it all works out for me - you're saying you hope it works out for US.
For us as individuals, for us as friends, for us as divine masculine/feminine, and most especially for us as a family - which is another thing I've told you that I want and am working on, cuz our kids deserve & are Worthy of that.
Which is a wonderful thing to hear & feel from you. Especially now, as I put my priority focus into our boys, my financial sustainability, and into continuing to be the irresistible, powerful, and fun Empress I've always been, but have been afraid to allow myself to feel worthy of acting as.
The Empress who knows the past is no longer relevant as anything other than more notes for the Memory Jar, and as the chapters of the Story of Us that make our story so interesting, endearing, romantic, long lasting, fun, and loving. Like many of our favorite books & movies that keep you on the edge of your seat, sometimes in sad & happy tears, sometimes filled with fear, sometimes seeming like all is lost, sometimes seeming like it could work out but there are too many mountains to cross, and yet always leading back to happily ever after moments - where Big Fishes come out with Second Hand Lions, diet cokes, and a Fender Strat - to play our favorite songs; which even sometimes feels like the universe using our own love language against us, until we finally stop trying so hard to control everything, and let Spirit take the wheel - which has always & will always lead us right back to each other.
Right back to the laughter and recognition of the wonderful absurdities of life, love, family, friendship, karma, and magick.
And you know, it's funny.
Cuz even now, I see the absurdity with in me, as I realize I was thinking this blog needed to be an everyday thing. Like it needed to be some form of holding on tighter, and of proving to you I'm still here and not going anywhere, while you go through what I know is a dark time for you.
Cuz the absurdity is, we're both learning, we've got nothing to prove.
Or at least, nothing we don't choose.
I know now, in this moment. There's no more need to prove to you I'm here. That I love you unconditionally & eternally. That there's no more need to prove to you it's going to work out, or that I understand you, or that I know you understand me ( unless you want me to, just for confirmation. Cuz we humans do sometimes need that, and are worthy of recieving it with and without asking for it).
I see there's no need to hold on so tight - cuz as the 3 Little Birds have told me again and again - Everything's Gonna Be Alright.
So rather than falling into my old pattern of trying to control things, I'm simply going to use this blog space when the moments feel right. Sometimes that will be daily. Other times it won't. I'll know the right moments when they come to me, just as I know you'll know the right moments to check it.
That'll keep the magick of mystery alive in it too, as will keeping myself open to what I might write to you! Lol
Which fills me with a knowing, that this will be an interesting thing to look back on, especially in the rocking chair days, as we reminisce about all the ways we've loved how we love each other, while we talk about moving the old tow truck off it's hill for a minute to mow underneath it, and smile at how much our grand kids enjoying the warm, fun, and magickal home we've manifested.
I look forward to that day.
I know you do too.
So until my next letter; I love you my Cabbit - be good to yourself, know that I can feel you, and pay attention to the signs, numbers, synchronisties (it's 2:22pm as I wrote that! Lol) and Music - it's not coincidental. It's Spirit/God speaking to you, showing you how to do what you told me & our son to do - heal & follow your heart. It won't lead you wrong.
Always & Forever Yours (in all ways),
~ Your Empress
P.s. our youngest son's phone just went off as I finished this, playing "Oh Yes I can", lol
