Today I'm working on the story I told you I'm writing...the story of us...
I started flushing out our oldest sons character - wherein I included the actual dream I had of him before he was born...about two weeks before we finally met again...I had that be the original druid-gypsy him, double checking to confirm with me, that I was still consenting to an original soulcontract for him to come into this lifetime as our first son - part of his original prophecy of the year we'd become aware of the curse and finally be able to break it...which then lead me to feel such an urgent need to find you...to be with you....which I know now...from how we reflect each other...you were feeling too...and because of how quickly you said yes...when I offered the easiest path possible for us to connect...
That got me onto thoughts of that night...
The night he was conceived...
It's funny...
Cuz I've always thought of it as an "unplanned surprise", yet always thought about how you never believed that - and with the way I've written it into the story - we were both right. It was planned, 411 years prior - yet it was also an unplanned surprise - in this lifetime...
I also think about how things went that night...
It's still one of the most romantic memories in my mind...
The way we connected...
Musically...
Physically...
Spiritually...
It was only you...and me...
I can still feel you...
Next to me...
Inside me...
Part of me...
Me a part of you...
Nothing felt truer...more right...
I simeltaneously miss that night...which feels so sad...
Yet I feel with every part of my being...it's going to happen again...
Just like many of the cycles that have been reoccuring...
It's a struggle...
Not to try to hurry us along our healing paths...
To get to that...
Though I know I can't...
Not because I don't have the capability...
But because this journey...
This healing...
Learning to go with "divine timing"...
To not control things...
Not treat you like a victim...
To not feel like a victim...
To just spend more of my time getting ready...
For reconcilation...
For union..
For our purpose - to help heal others...
Once we've both learned self love...self worth...
To be the one to keep the faith...
To remain loyal...and authentic...
The teacher...the example...the truest lover..
The beacon of light always left on...
To lead you back to your heart...
Back "home"...
To me...
To your boys..
To your daughter...
To help you see you are not "bad" or undeserving, no matter how much you mess up..
To show you that you are my EQUAL - my soulmate...my flame...
That you are the highest caliper - everything I need...
You're getting there...
Even while you triple think so many things...
Spirit is working with you...just as it works with me...
You can get there faster...
If you focus on the spark within... (remember how we used to call you "Sparks" as a secret nickname? I'm just thinking of that now...how ironic...isn't it?)
On genuine kindness...to yourself first...then others...
To stand in your truth...
To know you are worthy of being forgiven every time...
To know you are worthy of making mistakes and still being able to come back...
To know you are worthy of someone like me - who can love you completely - unconditionally..
I'm thinking of the you I first met...
The you I conceived our oldest with...
The whispering musician...
Long legged guitar picking man...
The blue eyed blackbird in the dead of night...
I know I get caught up in my emotions at times too...
I've been so afraid to show those parts of me to you...
Though I know I need to...to show you how to do the same...
To show you we are both worthy and deserving of messing up and still being forgiven...and loved...
To show you how to make mistakes...give yourself permission...to hold onto faith...
How to lead yourself back onto the path...back into the light every time...
That's why I'm working so hard to work on myself...
And show you I'm really doing it...
It's not about "showing off"...
Or rubbing in my "maturity"...
It's about saying, "Hey Cabbit...this is the way..."
Just like how spirit and your soft hat wearing friend, are constantly whispering...
"This way...this way...this way..."
I know you'll see that soon...
You'll see the real me your ego triple thinks you out of believing is true...
And know I'd never want to upset you...
Make you jealous...
Or do such awful things to you that others so often do...
I'm not perfect...
I don't always get it right...
But I do take my time...
Especially lately...
To be extra thoughtful about what I say or do...
Even about what I think and write...
Who I interact with or talk to...
Everything I take into my body..
Every energy I send or withhold from you...
Which isn't always easy...especially when you're in lower vibes and letting your self doubt...addictions...compulsions...reactivity...get the better of you...
I told you I feel it ALL...
I wasn't exhaggerating...I do...
Just as I know you do to...
Even if you're not aware of it consciously yet...
Which I think you are...though you're not allowing yourself to really believe in the truth or magick of it just yet...
Though you will soon...
I know you...
You always come back to the light...
Just as I do...
And until then...
I'm thoughtful about what all I do...
In balance with not trying to control everything...
Especially reactions from you...
Cuz everything we say...think...and do...
Especially after our activation with the beginning of the separation...
Effects everything we manifest...
In each other...
And around us...
It matters...
and it manifests very quickly...
So whenever you see this...
Which I have a feeling you'll feel first...
Just work on keeping yourself grateful...
Like you've been showing me you're trying to do...
And don't be afraid to reach out...
When you need a boost...
Even if I'm in a mood myself...
I'll always be there for you...
Just like I've always been...
In the different chapters of the current year of the story of us...
And in all the prior lifetimes before this one...
Since the first...
Which every reader confirms for me...
Is the best thing to do...
Cuz just as I'm worth waiting for...
You are too...
I love you my dearest Cabbit...
Always, Forever, and Completely Yours...
~Empress...
