My Dear,
I know you're going through some very heavy emotions right now.
And no.. you haven't said too much.
Which I actually find quite adorable - cuz you've never been able to hide things from me very well, and I can tell even in your energy, that you know that, and you feel weird about trying to do so, lol.
Though I also know, this is part of our lessons.
Both to learn to feel worthy of doing things in our own ways..
And to learn to trust each other, even when things seem crazy via what we see with our eyes.
Cuz it's the heart that really leads us true - and it asks us to look with our inner beings, and not always go with what can be "seen".
Also, I know what you're going through, cuz..
1. I know you...
2. That's the gift spirit has given me, to help lead us through this - by working on myself; leading by example...Which is ironic, cuz in this moment, I'm realizing that I one time talked with the Golden Doctor (like the nickname? lol) about what could cause someone as sweet and good as you, to not know how to understand and accept the love, authenticity, and kindess I've been freely giving to you - and how to make healthier choices; standing in your truth, being the dad you needed, and seeing how easy things are with me when you are easy with yourself - and he told me that much of it comes down to "modeling"...that if we haven't had anyone significant in our lives, who has been a positive example of how to do things in a healing, loving, and kind way - that if all we've ever known is toxicity - then we most often get stuck in those cycles too. Until we either hit a point where we wake up on our own, despite still being surrounded by toxicity - which is what I did, and what you're now doing; OR we have someone who shows us the way - which has always been me for you, lol.
Ironically, you've been that for me too. Just in different ways.
Though we both heal and teach and reach into each other in ways no one else can.
and 3... We're reflecting each other...I know what I go through, you do to, and what you go through, I do to - except for there's a difference; I'm aware of this, and so I'm offered the opportunity in each moment, to decide HOW I want to go through each thing...
To be mindful of how I walk into and out of each energy...
To CHOOSE who I want to be...who I am in each moment...
Like when you disappeared...I could've chosen many paths...
I've had plenty of people tell me, they would've been mad.
Or they would've done so many things to make you see what you're missing...
Or to try to make you feel hurt...or jealous...or nervous...
Those who've told me to do a great many things, that tbh, when they mentioned any one of them, they reminded of things that have been done to you by others.
They also helped me to stop and think - who do I want to be?
And it came back to who I've always been - a Lover, a Teacher, an Empress.
And in those moments, I chose to rise above.
To look for the good, the lessons, the fun.
To look at you and appreciate what you're going through.
To see that you are going through what I went through with you - which is hard af.
Especially as you are now learning how hard it is to be the person giving everything and then some...to then to be exhausted by that...to feel like you have to look super deep to find more and more to give...to someone we pity...someone who seems like they're not capable of giving the kind of love we give to them...then to find ourselves being pushed beyond...pushed deeper than we've ever been pushed...to the point to where our survival...our happiness...the well being of our families..and even of the person we've been trying so hard to be 'enough' for...that we actually start to stand up for ourselves - to reach beyond the codependent trauma's stuck within us...to where we find an inner strength we didn't know we actually had...and then we start to see...we see through all they've been doing...all we've been doing...and we see..that we're holding them back from healing, by trying to rescue/save them...that we're stopping ourselves from doing the same thing too...preventing ourselves from healing...from growing...from working on ourselves...cuz we're giving too much of ourselves from others...
It's tough af...especially the way you've manifested your portion of our lessons...which I know are physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially difficult...and very scary...it takes a lot to not rush in...tbh...though I know I must be patient...keep the faith...know that you are protected...even when it doesn't seem like it...and that any time your angels aren't able to reach you or protect you directly, they will reach out to me - as they have done and continue to do...cuz they want us to be together too..
Though it's a set of lessons worth learning, cuz it teaches you to learn to love yourself, stand up for yourself, and learn that you ARE Worthy.
Which is what I realized within a few weeks after you left...
Was the lesson that has tripped us both up so much...
It's what led us to both hold back just a little too much...on full commitments..
It's what led you to hold onto...and refuse to heal from your past..
It's what led me to think and talk about exploring other dynamics...
It's what led us onto the path that we're on...
Which we had to venture out onto - to learn SELF LOVE - the one gift we really weren't giving ourselves, with both of us blaming each other and others, for taking up too much of our time to make time for ourselves...
Anyways. I'm not gonna make this post super long.
I've got things to do, people to see, and places to be before we meet; both later today, and later down the path of the "story of us" - as I work on getting "me" together...to be the Empress whose fully ready for her Emperor...
Which is what you are doing to - even if you don't fully know it yet.
I know your inner being does - and he's guiding you.
Leading you to your "truth" to stand in.
As my inner being leads me to standing in mine - as I have been.
Either way, my dearest Cabbit...I want you to know...that I do see you...I know you...I recognize you..
I'm here for you.
Not with any ulterior motives.
I'm not under pressure, or in any rush - as I've been telling you.
Which I know you're coming to realize...
Especially as you've begun retreating into your space...
Recognizing that what you though you were signing up for...is not what has manifested..
Finally seeing what I've been trying to tell you...
What spirit's been telling you...
That this relationship you're in, was only meant to be a short set of lessons...
And now those lessons are coming to an end...
And it's time to move to the next step..
To level up.
To say, "ENOUGH!"
To get those stilletto's and g-strings...for your bachelor pad...
As you watch me...and think...and start to dream..
As you see how much simpler it is...how not scary it is...
To be on your own...and you start to listen to the spirit of your grandfather...the one who played my guitar so long ago...telling you it's time to be 'your own man'...
And realize how silly you've been...to fear such a thing...as being "single"..
Especially considering the position you're in...
No one deserves that...
Least of all you...
Either way...my Cabbit...
I know reality is setting in...
You're both beginning to realize whats true and whats not...
You're both feeling that what you thought you could have via cutting corners and using each other...
Is not what's manifested...and it's time to be free...
So just know...
It's okay to cut your loses.
It's okay to let her keep it all.
Or to divide things up before you each go your own ways.
It's also okay to come back to my place.
I wish it were a house of my own. Though that's down the road a little bit still.
Either way...there's room for you here.
I'd even learn to sleep upstairs...and let you have the RV to yourself if you wanted it...as your very own bachelor pad...
Unless of course, you decide to keep your house.
Which I hope you do.
I hope you stand up for you.
You've earned that house and ALL the space in it.
EVERY SINGLE BIT OF IT.
Not just the garage or some small corner.
ALL of it.
Remember that.
Whether you decide to keep it.
Or come back.
Or go somewhere new.
You deserve it ALL.
You do.
