Dear Cabbit...
I just had the most amazing vision...it was of the night we met...the actual night...which was the night you got the Monte...the night you got super drunk... parked at your old freeway thinking spot.. and the fire dept came to wake you...
Spirit showed me... it's no coincidence you've felt like that's when we really met...like we met before the day we met in person...we really did meet that night...hell, you actually saw me in person a day or two before...when you were driving the silver Oldsmobile...you knew there was something about me...that called to you... something that didn't make sense...yet did...which is part of what triggered you...to allow yourself to feel how you felt...about how things had been going in your life at the time...and it was because you decided to just Embrace the Absurd, and go get that Monte Carlo - to do something for you...to let others do what they do, and do something fun for you...like buying your watch...and some of the silliest tools..lol
You listened to Spirit, and focused on yourself...you went to get that car... i can hear something like "Consequences be damned! I do a lot for everyone. This is for Me! I deserve this.", and then you went to get it...and you brought it back, eager to show it off...which most ppl were happy about...just not the one person you wanted most, to feel happy about it...to feel happy that you did something that made you happy...I don't know for sure, but I feel like you didn't even take the car to show her that first night...you either called and it didn't go well...or you imagined going to see her or calling her, and it not going well...you not being seen for the kind and loyal lover you've always been...and gave up on the idea before even trying...letting yourself give in to drinking instead...
Which is when I came to you...from the now...reaching back into then... realizing I was there... actually...it feels like I've been there even before then...with you in so many moments... encouraging you to stand in your truth...to stand in love...reminding you how worthy you are...even offering you cautions...whispering to you when others weren't being true...leaving you clues on where to find them...on what to look for...the inconsistencies... the strangeness in their energy... Do you ever think about those times, and feel like somehow even before you met me in person, you'd already learned the lessons we've been learning over the past years?
I don't have concrete proof of this...though I like the romantic notion of such an absurdly wonderful thing actually having happened...
Anyways...in the vision of you...in the Monte...thinking about how much you hated the way things had been going... About how much you wished for life to have more meaning then it did then... As you were finishing off your last drink...
