Dear Cabbit....thinking about Julie...

I know that much of your thoughts about wanting another baby...are more about "sellers remorse"...so to speak... Itsy one of your flaws that's I've always found both adorable and frustrating. Either way, I've been thinking... daydreaming too...about what it might be like to have another baby with you...

I know I've said many things in the past, that made it seem like I didn't want to expand our family.

I wish I could've been more direct with you, in simply saying "I'm scared.", as that was the truth, when we started talking about more permanent forms of birth control.

I thought I was being clear, in saying that if you really wanted another baby, I'd love to too - but I was worried about my body, and about me and you.

Though tbh, I'm kind of grateful, in a weird sort of way, that it didn't come across the way I'd intended. Cuz the truth is, neither of us was ready for another baby at that time. The three we have needed us and we weren't even able to give them our full attention and nurturing at that time - it wouldn't have been fair to have had another baby mixed up in there. For anyone.