My Dearest Cabbit...
My aunt came up to me today, to ask me for some "advice".
Then she told me about taking our youngest up to see you at work yesterday, and said that when she saw you come out, she thought you looked awful.
Gma said so too.
They said it wasn't just all the excess of weight you've put on, it's that you look like you've aged about 20 years.
Your beard has gone mostly gray.
Your eyes have bags under them for miles.
Your face is red for drinking too much.
And you don't smile much anymore.
Your sister and her friend inferred about the same thing when I talked to them after they went to your house to bring your mom over.
They said the energy there felt awful too, and that although the boys were "okay", they seemed really uncomfortable there, especially with neither you nor your gf doing anything to set them up to feel as comfortable as you've both done for her kids...
Your sister checked too.
All her kids favorite foods and sauces.
All their favorite games and comfort items.
None of the same for our boys.
And our oldest said he noticed that whenever you try to hang out with him,
either your Queen of Swords or her oldest boy come right over and take your attention one way or another...which they don't seem to do with our youngest...
He also said your QoS said some strangely passive aggressive things to him...
And I'm pretty sure from what she said, that your investment in those air mattresses was ruined by her training her sons dog that she forced you to accept, to get up on our kids beds...
Which seems strange from the image you want me to believe about her, but completely on target from what I've seen and what your family tells me about her.
Either way, it's clear that the people who really care about you are noticing how miserable you are.
The advice my aunt asked for, was whether or not she should go up and tell you that you look awful, that she cares, and that she wants to know what she can do to help.
I told her to go for it.
I know you care about what my family thinks about you.
My hope is that if they are feeling called to say something to you, that maybe it'll make a bigger difference to you than it does when I say something.
If it doesn't, I hope going to see your dad before he dies of alcoholism, will help you kick your own butt into gear and get back to being the you that we all recognize and miss...
And maybe...
Just maybe...
That you'll take back your castle
and kick out the circus in it.
You don't need them.
You don't need anyone.
And even if you did,
they don't provide you with any of the support you need.
Not emotionally
Not financially
Not physically
Not intimately
None of it.
I want to ask you a million times a day, why you feel like punishing yourself by allowing them to stay
Though I know words don't work with you right now...
I've been hoping my distance from you would bring enough contrast for you to come around...
Though with what my aunt said about how you look, plus your message the other day, I'm tentatively willing to resume chatting more as I did before...
Though I can't deny how cautious I feel about getting a raw deal from you again.
Cuz so far, you've been a crappier friend then you've were a boyfriend.
Uhg.
Rabble.
My dearest Cabbit.
The karma is closing in.
I can feel it, smell it, and see it.
I think you flying out to see your dad is part of it...
Especially considering how much of our relationship has been blocked because of your unhealed mother/father wounds...
Boy...
What I would give to go with you...
Either way.
This'll be an interesting turn of events.
Especially as the moons start to get full and eclipse...
Along with the sun, in your sun sign...
Now is the time to open up my Cabbit...
Stand on your own two feet...
Roar like the crabby lion you are...
And be real about how you feel...
