It's outright absurd how this mercury retrograde is becoming a near complete repeat of the last one.
W/a few differences...
Instead of you dumping the connection, now it's me.
Instead of you running towards new relationships, now I'm opening myself to them.
You're again super reactive - over me asking for simple respect and that you protect the kids.
You're again trying to take the only vehicle I have, which is again not running.
And of course, as I ask for healing and get refocused on manifesting our home...
Somehow my family get's dragged into things.
Thankfully this time it wasn't my mom, who understands why I'm requiring you talk to me about what is and is not acceptable around the kids, after you already drove drunk w/them once and then made it clear you intended to do so again.
And especially after you accused me of wanting to "control" you, by requiring that you agree not to drive drunk w/them again, and to spend sober time having fun w/them at least as much as you do drunk.
Which is more generous than any of my family, my friends, or even Goldenrod thinks I should be flexible about.
Even worse, this time, the fight w/my family wasn't just because of you in proxy - as last time is was because you ghosted us and I was super emotional, asked for healing of my root chakra and then got it in the form of my family picking a fight w/our youngest.
That created a whole huge fight, mostly w/my aunt.
Which then drug Gma into it, cuz I'm always supposed to be the one to give in, cuz I'm more mature than anyone else.
And it's supposed to be the "polite" thing to do.
Keep your feelings to yourself.
Never speak out.
Always let others win.
Have no boundaries.
If you do have boundaries, break them if they offend anyone else.
Never make a fuss.
Never allow a fuss to be made.
Be the first to put out any emotional fires.
Even if you didn't start them, and were the unjured party.
This time, it was because my aunt decided to do a kindness and send you a happy fathers day msg.
Which really, was a boundary violation on it's own, as I was clear in what I told her and Gma about how you've been behaving.
You decided to take advantage of that.
To ask her if she could take the boys to lunch w/you at Buzz Inn.
Of course, appearing like you're doing nothing wrong.
Even though you are, and you know it.
Cuz I told you very clearly, that we need to discuss what's appropriate and what isn't around the kids.
You refused and again accused me of trying to control you.
Then decided to go around me.
Which you knew, would either mean letting you get around my simple mature stipulation that we talk before you take the kids again, and that you agree to be healthy around them.
Or it would require I fight w/my aunt, who you knew you could play like an emotional fiddle.
Just like you did that night at the thinkin spot.
Unfortunately, even though I did so good.
I talked to the boys and got their take and their desires.
And I talked to a few friends before I said anything.
And put together a very impersonal and very clear message to you, that if you want to have visitation w/our boys, then the perimeters and stipulations of visitation must be discussed.
Especially because, at this point, it's not just your drinking that is a problem, is that you try to gaslight the boys; telling them their feelings aren't important or are wrong.
Trying to suggest to them that "life" just isn't fair and that they have not have feelings because you got yourself into a mess and are too much of a coward to grow your situation into one that's not only healthiest for them, but healthiest for all the kids there.
Which is really what you two should both be thinking about.
Unfortunately, there's very little I can do about what you two choose to do w/her kids.
Other than pray for them.
Which I do often.
What I can do though, is protect our boys.
From you and anyone else who finds it acceptable to risk their lives and their emotional personhood.
Which is exactly what I did today.
Though of course, because my aunt had already said yes to you, which I know she knew was wrong.
Though she did so anyways, as for some reason, she thinks I'm being hard on you.
And since I don't often 'need' her, you asking her to bring the boys to you, makes her feel needed.
What's funny is, I didn't tell her she couldn't bring the boys to you.
I only asked her to wait until you and I had talked.
Cuz it's not acceptable for you to try to go around me.
Then she got mad, refusing to either understand why I was asking her to wait.
And tried to get Joey to go w/her and go around me.
All because she didn't want to upset you.
Which is what you do to everyone.
You get them to feel like life is so horrible to you.
Which of course, is much more important to her than the boys safety or well being, or what her own niece is being put through.
Which then caused her to complain to me that I was making her break her promise to you.
When she didn't check w/me at all about it, even though she knows what you've been doing.
That turned into her coming at me again and again, trying to get me to feel as upset as she did.
Just like you used to do - and clearly are doing, by attempting to go through her.
Thankfully, I did one very smart thing, and called a friend who stayed on the phone w/me the whole time as my aunt picked and picked, pushing for reaction, calling me names and then getting mad that I returned the favor.
Then being offended that I told her she's not allowed to take the kids out w/o my express permission, b/c she was so brazen as to attempt to take Joey despite me asking she do one simple thing - wait.
Then she decide that must mean she needed to ask me for permission for every stupid little thing.
Though after talking to my friend who heard every time she came to pick at me, I decide to embrace the absurd and say "Yes. Ask me about everything. Especially after you just tried to take the boys after I asked you to wait."
Guess she didn't like the consequences of losing that trust.
Though I realized after she came out to ask for every little thing, I realized that it's just more work on her. Which while I know that's stupid and not needed, it's only her who is making more work for herself.
Which is the same thing it's going to be for you.
You can try to find every way to go around growing up, though it's just going to create more work and absurdity for you.
Especially as, I'm done giving you chances while you're stuck in this narcisstic energy.
You only use it to get yourself more stuck, and end up hurting us.
So now I am filing child support and going to push for either supervised visitation if the courts will provide it via an unbiased party - or for full custody and full child support.
So there's never again any risk to our boys getting hurt.
Either by you drunk driving them.
Or gaslighting them.
Or your gf looking for any little thing she can do to make you mad at them.
And thankfully, the amount you'll have to pay in child support, will be enough to get me and the boys out of this house.
Which will also mean you'll not be able to use my family to get around growing up and doing right by your boys.
In fact, looking at the places where I'll be able to afford rent, it looks like you'll not be able to use your friends or family either.
Unfortunately, it's going to really test your resolve to see your boys too.
As the places I can afford, will most likely either be in kitsap county or whatcom.
At least an hour from where you are now.
Though considering I've got little to know support from you that I can trust.
And that since you threw your tantrums and put the boys at risk, I cannot go to work for the summer and get us ahead that way.
I'm left w/very few options for doing right by our boys.
Then to get as much child support as I can, and likely some other assistance, and then to move where I can afford to pay rent, feed them, and get them to school when the fall comes.
In the meantime, I know damn well, that you're feeling very similarly to my aunt.
Out of control, and grasping at anything and anyone you can blame for why things aren't going your way, and why it's your own fault they aren't.
Which tells me that this is the right direction to go.
Not just cuz it's healthiest for me and the boys, but because it's best for you too.
To remove myself and do as a friend said, go "radio silence" other than required communication about the boys - which removes me from your field of blame.
It removes the kids from it too.
So that anything going on w/you that you don't like; which I suspect is what's really driving you into such insane behavior, cannot possibly be blamed on us.
And since spirit is moving your Karmic's sister out of the picture, you won't have her or her son to blame either.
You'll be forced to see that it is only you two who are creating your misery.
Which is only going to increase the more you refuse to listen to spirit.
I wish you would listen.
As angry as I am at you for being the narcissistic dick you've been, I still wish the best for you and don't like seeing you living in literal hell.
Though it's clear that me being there for you, covering for you, and giving you more chances to get your act together - do nothing but give you more excuses for not healing and not becoming the good man I know you are inside.
Though I'll say here, what I told Gma.
I'm sure you'll come around.
I'm just not sure when.
Or whether or not it'll be too late between you and your boys.
Cuz a lot of damage can be done to kids who have a parent who doesn't prioritize them and their needs.
Especially by a parent who choose drinking and another family over them.
Idk if you'll come around before it's too late.
Especially as idk what our boys limit is.
Especially w/me no longer covering for why you're doing what you're doing.
Which, no matter which way I phrase it, or how I try to help them have faith that you'll come around eventually, I can see that they are just as tired of waiting for you to grow up as I am.
They're hearts are tired.
Which breaks my heart.
And is part of why I'd rather fight to keep them away until you agree to put their needs above your own, rather than fill them w/hope over and over, that if they and I just try one more time....or one more thing...or just be a little more flexible...that you'll come around sooner.
Especially as, by doing that, I'm effectively teaching them the same trauma my family taught me - to fight to respected and treated as worthy by someone who has very little if any empathy for me/us, and who will just take and take and take....
Not to mention.
When it comes to "trying one more thing".
If there is any small amount of hope for "us" in the future, me finally fully pulling away, is the only thing I haven't tried or allowed to happen.
As I was too afraid you'd feel abandoned and then so would I.
And so would the boys as a consequence.
Though at this point, you've already abandoned all of us multiple times.
And show zero value or appreciation for us in your life.
Leaving the only option to be to listen to spirit and pull way back.
Let you sit in the energy of that and decide for yourself if that's really what you want.
If it is, then time will help me and the boys be much better off w/o the chaos you bring into our lives.
If it isn't, and having us in your life means more to you than just avoiding social disgrace, then you'll have to get off your duff and make it up to ALL of us.
Only time will tell what you'll choose at this time Cabbit.
I hope you choose wisely.
