You told me earlier today...
In a connection I was surprised we had...
After you talked about wanting to leave a "legacy" for our kids...(yes, I include your daughter in "our"...despite our poor connection, I still consider her my step daughter)...
And how you were trying to figure out what you could build...
A business of some kind...
That would be recession proof...
Plague proof...
Pretty much everything proof...
I had to laugh at myself, and giggle at you.
As you were talking about your plans, I was thinking "be an emotionally thoughtful and stable dad"..
That's something you didn't have, and that way to many kids - especially boys, don't have...
The kind of thing that leaves a real mark - a true "legacy".
Though I've been practicing both trusting the universe and to trust you...
So as I sat there watching you chatting...as you haven't done in a while...
I reminded myself that my way isn't always the best way...and that even though in those moments I knew I was right...that I committed to believing things are unfolding beautifully...
And then...
Suddenly...
You did it...
You said you were sorry...
For the way you treated our oldest...
And then walked out of the restaurant on all of us...
And that you are working on healing your reactiveness...
Rather than what you said last time - about knowing you "need to" work on it.
A small improvement, but an improvement none the less.
Though what really stuck out to me, was when I suggested you could do a music studio charity for kids, and you said that was the dream...cuz you were the kid who always felt "left out"...
Which felt like that moment when they say "a picture speaks a thousand words"...
Except it was a few words that created a thousand visions in my mind...
And gave me some more clues...puzzle pieces...to the 'story of you'...
It also shows me that you are exactly where spirit said you would be...
Working on your father wounds...and inner child wounds...
Which are wrapped up in your mother wounds...and w/me...
Which spirit showed me how to trigger...and used to help me continue to learn to have faith...
Even though it was hard and took much courage to release you as much as I have...
And work on myself and move forward on our plan...
Continuing to steer our ship...and our adventure away from these karmic situations we're in...
Anyways...dearest Cabbit...
I'm happier to see your waking up again...
And getting back onto your healing path...
Just as I have been getting back onto mine.
I have no doubts it's largely b/c your karmic is out of state..
Allowing you to come back into your own energy...
Which was likely more apparent w/me pulling away as I did.
Then w/Spirit bringing us together for that reactive dinner, then your bday.
And hopefully this time, your karmic will stay away for the length of time she said she would.
So you can really come back into yourself more fully.
Cuz this is definitely time you need to be working on healing your parental wounds...
And loving on your inner child...
Who comes to me often...
Wishing you would open up to him...
Play w/him...
Reparent him...
Just like mine aches for me to do...
I think that's largely what we're meant to do right now.
Work on healing our inner children...
Which is where our fears of abandonment sit..
Along w/our fears of being too much...
And of not being enough...
And of making the wrong choices no matter how hard we try to make the right ones...
And being wrapped in continuous conflict and drama no matter how hard we work to keep the peace.
Along w/many other shadows coming to light in this retrograde...just as w/the last...
Somehow I think it's your inner child that also has you wrapped up w/your ex wife and her affairmate...esp considering how much her affairmate made you miserable growing up...
Teasing and mistreating you along w/your brother...
Somehow it seems like he is almost a bigger karmic to you than she is...
Though I suppose we'll see...
For now, my love...
I send you love and light...
While I work on my own inner child healing needs...
And continuing to get me and the boys on track...
"Steering" and all...
While you play "keeping up w/the Jones's" while your Brady Bunch is out of town...
Sigh...
A "long story" is right...
That's what this will be decades from now...
When we're sitting our porch thinking back on it all...
