Dearest Cabbit...
I almost added this as a "p.s." to the last blog.
Though this felt worthy of being it's own short but clear post.
I just wanted to send out the energy - which works much better when I write it out like this (since clearly saying it directly to your 3d self right now, wouldn't have much effect), that this Mercury Retrograde, and ALL of the karmic lessons Spirit is leading you through - is about Forgiveness.
Not so much of me.
Moreso of yourself.
It's about you learning to forgive the people you're likely never going to get apologies from, whom you really do deserve to get them from.
Your dad and mom.
Your siblings and ex's.
Your toxic friends.
Maybe even a few from me.
Regardless, once you realize the reason you're still so mad, is cuz you're mad you've never gotten recognition from them, of the ways the horrid ways they treated you - which caused you to act out of alignment w/who you are.
And just like I learned when I went through this during the last two MR's...
You're going to find that even if anything you did in response to the way another treated you, was righteous or understandable considering the hard situations they put you in, that you're more mad that you're not recieving forgiveness from them, for all the ways you acted...
And that the only way to gain the forgiveness you seek - is to forgive yourself and release the resentment, self loathing, shame, and disappointment you hold over yourself.
Which I know is going to happen.
You might not see it, but I do.
All of this is about your mother/father wounds.
Not just w/your direct biological parents, but w/all ppl who played parental parts for you growing up - including your siblings, your mom's romantic partners, and the men that came into your life when you were young, and taught you various diff things.
There's also your ex wife, who is in your life again now, clearly showing zero remorse for any of the things she's done to you, and likely still holding over your head all the things you did to her.
Creating huge dissonance for you...
Especially as the more you allow her to do that, the more you see I was right.
That you need to put up strong boundaries w/her and let her go.
As you should've done long ago, before we even got together.
When she moved away w/another man to eastern wa, made you feel you had another chance, quit your job to go be w/her, and then were turned away like you were some pathetic joke who just misunderstood what she had meant...
In fact...
I think this is exactly what Spirit is showing you...and me too...
How it's leading you into forgiving yourself...
And through that - to forgive me...
Cuz once you realize you'll have to release her for real...
And see how you get reactive and mess up your own life in attempt to maintain the toxic connection w/her, where you barely get crumbs of appreciation - if even that...
You'll come to find that my requests that you release her, were loving and not controlling.
That you did need help doing that....
And that you messed up big time, in chosing her over us...
And in allowing her back into your life even more actively when you moved in w/your gf...
That'll be an interesting day.
Feels like I'm already experiencing it happening.
The day you tell me that you've finally released your ex wife and have actively blocked the connection - not cuz anyone told you to or made you do it...
But cuz you realized it was torturing you..
And that I was right about how your interactions w/her caused you to ruin your relationships.
Feels like that day is still a bit far away.
Months maybe.
Though Spirit is always surprising me, and I know when I'm doing my healing work and listening to Spirit, that it works on you much faster than it does w/me.
Showing me, it really is that easy.
So maybe only a few weeks.
Or even a few days.
Either way, I suspect your bday tomorrow, will result in many changes.
It'll be the first one in 15 years, where you've not had me there making sure it was everything you needed and wanted...
Where you're back to how it was before we were together...
Where you might get a couple of "hbd's" from your sister and phantom ex...
Though no presents of any consequence...
No royal treatment or clear displays of appreciation and affection...
No special attention.
I'm not sure whether to think that your gf will attempt to do something nice over the phone, or attempt to copy what I used to do for you - though considering the way she's been doing things, it'll either remind you of me b/c no cheap imitation can match my genuineness, or cuz she'll not do anything close to what I would've.
I have a feeling that you'll likely be spending the evening alone...
That you'll attempt to have your toxic bbf over, and he'll say no or tell you to go see him - which you won't want to do.
That you'll check to see if your phantom ex wants to come over, and she'll say no...
That you'll check to see if your ex wife and her affair partner want to come party at your house..and they'll be too busy w/other things...or only able to carry on their affair on mondays, which is all either of them actually care about...
Or...
You'll not reach out to any of them...
And will wait to see if anyone reaches out on their own...
To invite you out or ask to come over...
And will find that none of them have much interest...
And that the only people who really cared enough to show you appreciation on your bday...
Was me, our boys, and my family...
All the rest were just some sad "hpd" notes...
Nothing more or less...
Diving you even deeper into your feelings.
About how you've mistreated all my bdays - esp the last one.
About how I used to work so hard to make your bday so great, in ways that clearly no one before me and no one after me - have any intention of doing.
I'd imagine regardless of whether or not anyone comes over, or you go to anyone else...
That being alone and separate from your real family - us, will be the loneliest feeling in the world.
It'll be hard for you to hold back from reaching out to me.
Especially as you get more and more drunk.
Realizing how much you miss the fuss I used to make about your bday...
And how you've taken me so seriously for granted...
You're going to be 42 this year...
That's a "6"...which is your ennegram type...
And the Lovers Card...
It'll also be a "15" day (6 + 27)...
Those are days we ALWAYS connect in a meaningful way...
And usually days that you reach out to me for meaningful connection...
Showing me confirmation every time, that I am your emotional support...
And that w/o me, you feel empty...lonely...and lost...
Somehow I have the feeling that your bday will have a lot to do w/you learning self forgiveness...
And that whether it happens tomorrow directly, or sometime after it....
That you're going to show me you have forgiven yourself, and thus want to forgive me.
And that you're ready to start over - a truly new beginning.
We'll see...
Either way, my dearest Cabbit...
The readings have increasingly been talking about you getting ready to confess and repair our connection...esp as I pull away and focus on manifesting the longterm vision.
Something tells me it's connected to your bday...
And you coming out of the "5" energy, and going into the "6"...
From the Heirophant - life lessons, commitments, pomp and circumstance, spirituality, groups, dogmas, arrogance, mastery, dependence, celibacy, stubbornness, pride, false masks, and leadership...
Into the Lovers - choices, relationships, connection between head and heart, duality, divine unions, business decisions, crossroads, communication, genuineness, love, and interdependence...
That somehow the energy of that change alone, will bring you out of this arrogant narcisstic energy...
Get your head and heart back into connection w/each other...
And reconnect you w/your inner being...and 5d self...
At which point, a lot of changes will likely come...
It'll be interesting to see if it's a near instant change, where you forgive yourself and end your toxic connections w/yourself and your karmics.
Or if you'll attempt some greater absurdities first...
Either way.
While there are many possible outcomes of what you'll do on your way back to us.
I can feel it in my bones, that Spirit is helping you...and has our back...
That you'll learn forgiveness of yourself and of others, in a way that will be very enlightening and empowering..
Profound in ways that'll feel hard to explain at first.
Which will lead you back into being the great dad, friend, lover, and man I know you are underneath all that pain and baggage.
See you on the other side dear Cabbit...
When you finally allow the truth to set you free...
~ Empress ~
