And it looks like crap on me too.
You know, I had
planned a rant for this post, but over the past few days, I've been
working on allowing myself to get into receptive mode enough to be able
to jump timelines again, at Spirits direction - cuz there's no
assertion, and plenty of timelines where you might actually be "happy"
in the miserable situation you're in. I definitely don't want to get in
the way of your free will, whether or not I feel good about your
choices. It's not my life to control.
Though I do know
that I love you, and that there's got to be timelines where you have
chosen of your own free will, to awaken and get into alignment w/your
inner being. Where you find joy in listening to spirit, in loving
yourself, in personal growth...and in being in union w/me...doing those
things w/me...as my walks beside who is excited to be here w/me...who
doesn't feel obligated to be w/me...or who loves me but can't show or
experience it because of repressed feelings and trauma's he's too afraid
to heal...so he can be real...and feel real...
The man I know that exists in you, that isn't just "potential"...
That is who you consciously choose to be in each moment...
A man w/strong integrity...
Who loves himself...
Who trusts himself...
Who sees himself as worthy...
Who knows he's deserving of far better than any toxic dynamics...
Or of being used or abused by anyone...
The
man who puts his kids first and holds them high above anyone else; in
healthy ways that don't spoil them and ruin their confidence or teach
them entitlement...
The man who can laugh at himself
and admit when he throws a big fit, makes a mess, has been an ass, and
that he's ready to own it, clean up, and makeup; w/o spending time
beating up on himself, or trying to get even w/others, or doing anything
other than the things that make him feel like an honroable king...
Sigh...
There are some parts of me that feel bad about even looking for 'another' you on another timeline...
Though
I know that this me that feels like a victim whose misunderstood,
underappreciated, lonely, and frustrated - that me doesn't feel good to
be...and that me deeply desires to be w/a matching you...
I've looked and found others who I could have similar things with...
I don't want them...
I don't want a different timeline you...
I want you you...
Though I've got to be open to all outcomes...
As spirit regularly reminds me...
And not feel the need to control things so much...
which...
Maybe that's what I need to do right now...
Not look to be open to other timelines either...
To simply try to relax...
Let spirit do the work it's so clearly doing on us both...
And keep my faith that somehow...
Whether it's this timeline you...
Or another timeline you...
That it'll be great...
and we'll both be happy...
Until then my Cabbit...
Please put some ice on your damn knee..
And go for a walk once in a while, eh?
p.s. I accidentally posted this on a different blog of mine, along w/two others. I actually wrote this to you yesterday...lol
