Yesterday I went to the hb edu class I told you about. It went well. I almost want to say better than I expected but I went into it from a place of assuming that I would learn about things I didn't know about. And knowing that even if it didn't turn out perfectly, that I would get some other piece of the puzzle I didn't already have.
And I also knew that it was clearly the gatekeeping process, in order to get more information about any other programs that might do what we need. So even if it didn't provide anything other than the certificate saying I took the class, which would give me access to other resources, then it was worth going to.
And I figured going in person would yield more potential good results than doing the zoom version. I think I was right.
Meeting Mr F and Mrs K, definitely helped. Not just because they know which programs will likely assist us, but because they seem to actually want to help people in similar situations. And one of the programs they were happy to talk about apparently loves to help neurospicy families. And if we qualify for it they will give a significant amount in down payment assistance. Which is apparently "stackable" with other programs. So if we can stack enough programs together, we might be able to create the scaffolding that makes a mortgage affordable enough that I can afford it on my income alone. Which would be preferable, because as much as I know E would want to help with the mortgage, and as much as I am concerned that he wouldn't necessarily be able to be on his own for a while longer, I don't want to pin him down in it if it can be avoided. Let him keep his freedom as long as possible. You know?
But if that's not possible and he needs to be on it he's already agreed to it. But I'd still like to keep it as something I can do on my own. At least financially speaking.
And if that cannot happen then at least I want it to be something that he can have long term, and build on as well. Much like you and I imagined not long ago..
I remember being in the class and being asked what I want.. immediately all these details popped into my mind.. everything we wanted.. including your urinal in a garage with a loft above it.. but I decided to keep it simple. A single story ranch style three bedroom with two plus acres. Because I figure if it has the room we can build the garage with the loft and put a urinal in it.. lol
I told her if not that then a plex where we can rent out the other side of. Because I know that would then qualify us for a higher loan amount, without preventing assistance. And it could cover at least a portion of our own rent for our side, and lead to the property we really want down the road, while setting up an re legacy for the boys.
I told them the areas I want us to be; all of them close to school. And I was told it's a really good area to be looking in. Both because it avoids watery obstacles, and because there's a lot of people leaving the area. I was also told that near the beginning of the year prices are supposed to come down a bit.
I have a consultation with Mr F next week, where I believe I'll also put in an application with his org, and then begin putting in applications with the assistance programs.
Idk what other puzzle pieces I need to get together, but I do know I'm a lot closer than I was before. My C score is better than most of the programs required to be. I don't have an abundant mixture, but I've got enough that they can see I can responsibly manage money for the most part. And although I've not been at the same job for the past 2 years, I have worked W2 jobs for over 2 years as of October of this year, that should be enough for this to work in terms of job history. As far as I've been told by other re friends, they don't care as much about if you stayed at the same place so long as you've been consistently employed. And I have achieved that. Plus I believe that because of the industry I'm in they would understand my reasons for switching and trying to make lateral moves.
I'd imagine once TR season arrives and I can get my returns, that will be enough for them.
Mrs K said we could probably start looking as soon as the week after I apply with Mr F..
I really wasn't expecting to start so soon.
I can tell she's in a place of trying not to be too excited and and optimistic, but that she also actually feels pretty excited and optimistic. She said she had someone in a worse situation than we are in who was able to get into a place within 2 months of starting to look. He's actually not far from where we are now. And he stayed in his home.
I'm excited to start looking even if we can't get something soon. I told Mr F and Mrs K that I'm on board for this over the long haul. That I don't expect it to happen overnight, just like I didn't when we were homeless, or after I realized we needed state assistance for housing. It's a process, and as golden tree often told me, I have the grit and resourcefulness to do amazing things.
Something you used to tell me too..
I'm torn about telling you about this process at the stage..
I don't want to make you feel sad.
You told me recently you've given up on looking for a place you can buy..
And I feel for you.
I remember when that was me trying to make it happen, when you weren't exactly being ccooperative.. and when our collective bad habits plus the people around us kept sabotaging my best attempts to get things together for us.. before I finally had us move into the YH.. that was not easy. I know in many ways you probably still feel heart broken about it.. I can only hope that you can understand a little better now. And that maybe you can see it wasn't me giving up on us.. even separation wasn't me giving up on us.. although I'm not sure you can see that yet..
Either way I keep thinking about tell you..
Even though I'm better about putting it in my journal or in this blog instead, you're still often the first person I want to share good news with.. and also the same person I want to share crappy news with..
I would love so much to tell you that we're going to go treasure hunting in a couple of weeks.. it's exciting.
And although I'm doing this for me and for the boys, it would be nice if I could be honest with you that it is also for you too. Because I could never manifest such a treasure without space for you in it. Even if the space meant for you remains as space held and not space utilized..
I also want so much, to share with you the programs I believe could help you too. If you wanted something just for you..
But I feel in my body that I shouldn't put it out there in the 3d yet.. partly because I'm confident you would only qualify if it was just you. Possibly you and sister S, but that is questionable and I believe she would drag you down like she is now, and cause you to lose it. And I don't want that to happen with something purchased..
I also am not sure if you're ready for Independence of that kind yet, despite that it's what you said you needed when this started.. and I do believe that the QoSr I would find some way to game the system, likely get you both into something pretending that it's love and then take away all your space again.. and leave you with nothing but the bill.. and that would be a terrible treason as well..
The other thing is that it feels like it might be better to lead by example.. to let actions speak for themselves.. to let you hear from the boys about us going to look at treasures..
And then invite you over when we have the keys..
Which also feels like it might be safer than sharing excitement with you now.. because there could be a fair amount of ups and downs in the process of getting there..
And as much as I love you by my side in the 3D while going through that, I also don't want to put you through that..
So I figure I'll just keep being me, and pushing through until we have what we want..
And then wait for you to ask me..
How it could possibly be..
😉
