Dear Cabbit...I'm sorry I made you sad...

I feel like that thing...
that I've tried to avoid this whole time...
Has happened...
Something in me has broken...

I don't wanna talk to my friends...
I don't wanna doodle cabbie drawings...
I don't wanna play outside...
or work on my garden...

I don't even really want to be awake either..
Though my back hurts too much when I lay down too long...

I keep hearing all the things in my head...
That I was telling my friends...
About happier days coming...
Manifesting happy...
and such...
"Keep your chin up", and all that stuff...

I've been going back to doing the stuff I did before...
making lists of all the things I'm grateful for...
all the signs you're coming towards me...
all the reasons to keep my faith...
all the signs that you're "awake"...
all the reasons I'm worthy of you choosing me...
keeping faith in the day you'll finally "see"...."me"...

Though in order for you to really see me..
I have to keep seeing myself...
though when I look inward...
I see oceans of sadness..
shattered pieces of mirror glass...
with every hope...
every fear...
every tear...
floating along waves...
some of them calm...
some fierce...

(to be continued later...)







b