Dear Cabbit....you're weird...lol

I've been loving the playful bratty energy lately.
Especially in combination with you showing you've been doing your inner work and practicing better self care, boundaries, decisiveness, and assertiveness...
Though with the remaining ambiguity - which I'm thinking is one of your ShadowLight Powers...
I'm enjoyably confused as to what you're up to...
I know it has something to do with clearing out a past cycle wherein that bottle opener played a significant role...
Though I figured you'd already figured out the situation with the Queen of Swords when you started singing Johnny Cash tunes...
Then to read that there are still some members of the swords suit still cohabitating with you...
That definitely seems confusing...
At least..
The combination of what little info you gave me, and my huge fiction-writers brain...
Had me thinking for a minute, that you'd finally learned and cleared the primary karmic lessons you were meant to learn in the Green House...
To kindly, authentically, confidently, and gratefully end karmic dynamics and commitments...
To stand in your truth by following your heart and intuition...
and to clean up mess made during your stint in the circus...

Though I can see...
From you...

From other readers...
And from my own drop back onto the wagon with my own inanimate karmic situations...
That we're not quite 'there'....yet...
Close...
Though still a few cigars to go..
Which, tbh, I'm okay with.

I did notice I still had a few waffles of upsetness, envy, and doubt when you mentioned your house is not officially YOUR house yet...
Especially after you showed me that I'm on the RI agreement...
And showed me your magic toolbrush...
And JC singing with your black beauty...
Then the picture of where our princes and princess will have their spaces to play...
And have said so many wonderful and nice things...
So there are still a few "stings" in my energy, that I can work out the kinks off...
While you get your environment cleaned up.
And in the meantime...
I'm really enjoying being in what I'm being told is the phase where YOU pursue me...
Which is such a turn of events...
I've been really enjoying it lately...
Though it is a learning lesson...
I've realized that I've been in the "Masculine" role for a long time, and never really learned to allow myself to be pursued by anyone...
I usually started pursuing right back, at the first sign of interest.
Which I've come to learn is partially just a part of who I am (and a part I know you love), and the other is a part of healing more of my self-worth; as much of my quick excitement to pursue, has a lot to do with fears that if I don't keep things going, that the game will stop...that you'd give up...that union would halt...and so on...It's been that way since I was young.

Wow...
I'm glad I wrote this.
I genuinely was at a loss earlier, for trying to understand what else I need to work on and heal - that would help bring us into the next phase...
I've know for a while, that part of why we've been in the slow "knight of pentacles" energy, is because you're still learning to allow yourself to see that you are absolutely worthy of being with me, are EQUAL in "caliper" (smart ass, lol), and have grown more than enough to be able to "keep up" with me from now into the next ten eternities...  
Though I've spent a lot of time lately, working on my self worth...
I do still have some waffles from time to time, but you could even ask my friends.
They are now the ones urging me to ask for greater information.
To effectively (in a well meaning way) - rush the situation.
Which I find adorable, as I tell them that I'm actually quite amused with how things are going lately.
That it's totally fascinating to watch you learn and grow and most importantly - PLAY.
And not just play in generaly, but play with ME...
Which I've wanted for so long...
I can't even...
There aren't enough words to describe how wonderful it feels...
I could even see myself somehow settling with just a friendship with you, so long as that part was included...
Not that it would be easy...
I am really turned on by all of it...
Though more than physcially, I'm emotionally wrapped up in it.
It's intimate.
That's LOVE.
That's what I wanted this whole time...
You silly rabbit...

*sigh*

At least you're learning..
In a very slow...painful...and unnecessarily dramatic way...
But it's 'your' way, and that's what's important.
There was no way you could've learned any of this, had I been in a position to continue to be blamed.
And I could've have rebirthed my inner strength, found the motivation to get my businesses off the ground, or have stepped into motherhood as much as I have.
We both needed this - to one degree or another.

Which I've known since the first week.
As scary scary week.
So on the way through this journey, as I've learned what you needed to work on (in moments when I couldn't figure out what I'm supposed to work on), I've looked for ways to "help", but working on myself in the ways that I see you need to do...
That's what I meant, when I said to you that when you resist your bad habits, I'm able to resist mine.
And when I take care of myself, you're more easily able to do the same for you.
We're mirroring each other.
So it makes sense that if there's further sticky situations arising in your third party situation, that there's either things in my vibration I didn't know still need to be worked out - or some will pop in for me to unravel (it really works that way. It's weird...I can't wait until we can talk openly again...I feel like we've been written into a weird dystopian novel...lol)

So I've been looking for what sort of self worth...boundary...self care...or other situations I could heal from or work on...
I kind of figured it was just practicing being consistent, finding things to do that I like and want to do anyways, and sending you loving energy from time to time.
Continuing to work on cleaning the house, cleansing myself, and getting more exercise...
Things like that...

Though CLEARLY! lol
I have something I can heal too...

The part of me that still fears if I let the conversation go...
If I stop instigating conversations with you...
That you'll let them drift into nothing...
Which seems like it would feel like a big phat "f-u" to my heart...
Though I've known for a while...
That part of what you've been going through...
Is needing to be without my constant warmth and love...
There's been many readers saying that you need to see what it's like to "miss" me....
That the best way to do that....
Is if I allow my energy to drift into my work...
Maybe even into a temporary "karmic" infatuation...
I don't like either...
to be honest...
They feel unnecessary, scary, and like they would most definitely ruin things...
Though I suppose that's why they are there for me to work on.
They are places in my vibration, where I'm not being consistent.
Like I have 97% faith...lol
With that 3% being a waffle about releasing you into the wilds and seeing what happens...
I feel like you'd message me pretty quick with the energy you're in...
I feel like I have 98% faith in that remaining 3%....
It's like leaning in to plant a kiss on your lips, and waiting at just 3 inches away, smiling big until you open your eyes and wonder what happened - wherein I either kiss you on the spot, or say, "well, you're supposed to come the rest of the way"...
and then you do...
and we both laugh...

I miss laughing with you in person...
I've always luffed your laugh...

And our laughter is a hallmark of our family...
of our love....
of the story of us...

Well...
My dear..
My sweet Cabbit...

It's time for me to sneak into bed with hedgehog, frog, and wolf-dog...and figure out how to heal this part of me that is still afraid of that 3% potential...I'm sure that's the same thing holding you back from bringing me that damn toothbrush...lol..
Or even the ring...
Either one make my heart sing...

Goodnight my love...
My Moon...
My growing Emperor...
I'm curious to see what shennanigans tomorrow has in store for us...

Until then...
Always, Forever, and Completely Yours...
Empress Bunnie =)