Dear Cabbit...You have the kids...be good to them...

Yesterday I decided to follow my intuition and reverse track on the ways you've been treating seeing the kids. Rather than waiting for you to get up the gumption to do more with them, come see them more, and to have them come over - I asked you to come pick them up and asked how you felt about having them for the summer.

I absolutely still don't trust you, nor anyone in your karmic circus.

Dear Cabbit....Spirit says it's time for you to experience life without me for a while...

I wish words "worked" with you.
You told me the other day that "words don't work" with your rebounds circus.
The words ring through my mind all day, whenever I think about anything I could say to you, that might get you to understand how messed up it is that you treat the kids the way you do.
That you put yourself and your replacement family before them always...
Especially after you never put them first when you were here and we were a whole family...
On top of which, you do all the things with your rebounds kids that you seem to see no value in doing with your own...

Dear Cabbit... I wish you knew how lonely I feel...

I wish I could tell you how lonely i feel...

Or how unappealing all the guys are on the dating apps...cuz any of the ones I like...remind me of you...

I wish I could tell you how upset I am..

That we're in this position because you're so afraid to be alone, you're staying in a toxic relationship and living arrangement that is contributing to tearing apart you're whole life...your relationship with our kids...our friendship...

How much I detest that you use your karmic circus as an excuse for your actions and lack of accountability...it really is gross, you know?

I wish I could tell you... everyday..

I love you...

I miss you...

I believe in you...

I'm scared for you...

I'm confused...

I'm feeling neglected...

I'm angry...

I see you...

Pulling away..

Then coming closer...

As you're less and less able to pretend you're just fine in the circus you're in...

I keep my mind focused on healthy us in a healthy future union, when I find myself getting onto thoughts like those above...

Which works most of the time..

Only becoming tough when I know you're in distress; esp when you take that out on me - even just by distancing...

Suppose I'll figure that out on my own too..

Comforting myself by knowing that in distancing yourself from me, you're learning things by yourself too...

I hope you wake back up soon...

~Lonely Bunnie...

Dear Cabbit...it only took you 15 yrs to learn...

I'm staring at our short conversation from today...
It was a very simple "mornin" from me, and then a shared link of the Brown Noise, which I know always makes you laugh - which I hoped, after the long quiet night where I sensed much chaos was happening...that it would put a smile on your face for at least a few seconds...
You came on about 30 mins later, said "Afternoon" and then told me very simply that you were very busy and that you would text me later.

Which, made me laugh.
For two reasons.

Dear Cabbit....your extra quiet today...

I can sense that things aren't okay...
Especially since I noticed that it seems you get most distant around lunch time these days...
You'll be a good mood in the morning...and seem to be enjoying my "mornin" messages...
Then lunch time hits and you'll be extra distant...
Though you've been very good about being sure not to accidently ghost me again since february-ish...
So it sticks out like a sore thumb that you haven't said anything since lunch time today...

It feels intuitively like several things are happening...

Dear Cabbit...I think you're stuck at age 17...

You keep mentioning it...not intentionally...more like freudian slips...
And messages from your 5d self...
There's something important needing to be healed within you, that happened when you were 17...

Which is significant, with how many things happened around that age for...and how many life experiences you missed learning because of what you went through at that age and there after...

In fact, a lot of the experiences and skills that caused me to call for our separation in january, were in hopes that you would go out and learn those very skills. Though I hadn't fully made the connection with that time in your life...except mildly, in knowing that you jumped straight from living with your mom, into a toxic marriage and left behind all opportunities for a stable self-sustaining future for yourself....

As a nerdy psychology lover, I know that most of that came from how you were raised all together, but it feels like your 5d self and spirit are trying to point something out - moreso to you, but I often am the one to "catch it" and point it out to you in ways that make it hard for you to miss...something that happened when you were 17...or some things that didn't happen...

Dear Cabbit...only you can answer anything with one word responses...

And of course, I can't tell you I know this about you right now, cuz then you'd know I'm trying to get us back to a point where we can talk like friends again...

With your piglet syndrome, I'm sure it would scare you off, even though it's nothing to be scared of...then again, that would be a mild form of intimacy...the thing you're most scared of...

At least...what you're most scared of with me...