With your piglet syndrome, I'm sure it would scare you off, even though it's nothing to be scared of...then again, that would be a mild form of intimacy...the thing you're most scared of...
At least...what you're most scared of with me...
Which has me noticing some things...
Like...
You do choose me often...
I'm still not your priority...
Ironically though, I'd say I haven't dropped much in priority level since you jumped into your rebound.
Though that's not necessarily a good thing, as I was only your priority before, so long as it was convenient, no one else said they needed you, and it didn't require any commitments...
Hell, you probably make and keep more committments to me now, then you ever did before. Though they're still spotty at best.
Which really sucks.
Especially when anything that isn't talking about you and your surface feelings or thoughts, is hostile territory.
Which...
Sadly, isn't much of a change from before.
I've always loved exploring the surfaces and depths of you.
You've rarely actively listened to me tell you about myself, let alone thought to ask me about me...or ask to know more...
It has me thinking...
What am I fighting for right now?
You seem to me to be mostly the same guy you were when I called for Separation.
Still suppressing your truths.
Still blaming everyone else for your choices.
Still avoiding depth and commitment.
Still focused on keeping the most toxic ppl in your life happier than anyone else - including you.
Still holding your actual family - siblings, sons, daughter...and me...as your lowest Priority..
Still refusing to even acknowledge your contributions to this mess, let alone be able to take feedback about them, and start to own and stone for them...
It feels like a long lonely road ahead...
I'm not sure if it'll be more lonely for you or for me...
Either way...
