After almost a week of going back into a Dark Night of Soul moment as you withdrew more and more right before that, I realized that I have been giving you too much rope and have ended up enabling you to continue your karmic 3rd party situation and your old codependent cycles. So while I do feel better now, and much of my faith in us has returned, I know I must do now what I've been afraid to do before - withdraw and hold my boundaries.
Additionally, you make it exceptionally difficult to speak freely with you, and you've been neglecting the boys again - which should rarely happen, if ever.
Unfortunately, I saw the signs of this happening early on. Though I convinced myself that you would come around and heal much sooner with me there in the backround...which I don't know that I was wrong about, but you have as much free will as I do, and it's clear that even though spirit set up several opportunities for you to get out of your karmic situationship and get onto your healing path - with or without me, and you've chosen not to...
Which sucks.
Cuz no matter what victim mindset reason you've been using to make that feel acceptable to you, it means that spirit is going to clamp down and make your situation more and more uncomfortable, until you find yourself with no alternative but to change. Which at this moment, includes creating the proper circumstances for me to be removed from the picture. Which will create much more discomfort for you than I think you've been thinking in the past.
This isn't a fun thing for me either.
Though I've really felt how pulled into the drama I get when I maintain interactions with you while you're still choosing your old ways and your karmic situationship.
I've not left you.
Though I've got to accept things as they are - or rather, as you want them to appear to be. Treat things as I would if I actually believed you had moved on so quickly and were just happy as a peach with all you have now, without me. Which means respecting your relationship, refocusing on making new connections without jumping into anything. Do my healing work, and focusing on my actual work.
The readings coming up for our signs, are showing that me doing this is helping you and leading you back to me at lightening speed. I hope they are right. I miss you. I miss being able to tell you I miss you. I love you. I am always yours. Though I am no longer going to invest my energy into anyone, no matter how much I love them, if they are consistently thinking of me last, not reciprocating, or who are choosing victim mindset excuses to continue dishonorable actions; especially at cost to me andor the boys. That includes your 3d self.
It's time to grow up now, my love.
You said you were working on that.
I hope you get back on track to doing that soon.
Not just because I want us to be able to have a REAL relationship...
Because you need to do it for you.
Whether or not we ever come back into romantic union, you'll never be able to experience the loving and stable relationship you so deeply desire, if you don't do your inner work, acknowledge and take on the consequences of your actions, and do what you need to, in order to make your growth permanent and effective. So you no longer get trapped in toxic entanglements that ruin all ones you rendevous with - like ours - that were everything you wanted and needed.
*sigh*
This sucks.
I hope you do the right things soon...
Forever, Always, and Completely yours...
~ Empress
