I'm completely frustrated with you too..
And I wish I could tell you directly that i do...
Though now is not the time..
I know it was right to call for the boundary of respectful speaking hours...
It removes me from the drama of your situationship...
And hurts less when you tell me sweet things while you're drunk, and then forget about them when you're sober...which is just too much of a reminder of our past..
And also an indicator that if you're not gonna reach out & be accountable, that you still need to work out the messes in your mind before you can listen to your heart...
It's hard though...
Wish I could tell you that too..
I was thinking about what I would say to Goldenrod if I had another session...about how the hardest part is knowing that I really am and always have been genuinely in love with you this whole time...
I think of you whenever something good happens...
Bad happens...
Weird happens..
I have always wanted to share everything with you.
I was thinking about how, even in my past relationships... When I broke up with them, I didn't have a problem forgetting them, or picturing a life without them, or even who I would be with next.
That includes a couple before you. Though I hadn't had many long-term relationships before I met you. Ironically, when I think about it, you are the only 'fwb' I've ever had too. Weird, huh?
I know I have always come across as far more 'experienced' then that..
That's kind of what's sad..
I feel like I naturally asked you about all the books and crannies in your story...
I just wanted you to sometimes ask me for details...
Either way..
After I met you...
After our first 7 month adventure..
I couldn't get you out of my head..
I'm not sure how to explain it exactly, but from what I know now, it feels like your 5d self was staying with me...not letting me forget about you or stop thinking about you...
If what you've said about how much you thought about me back then before our actual relationship...
Then maybe I can believe...
Even if only for now...to feel better...
That my 5d self is harassing you too, just the way yours did to mine...lol
Dreams.
Synchronisties.
Songs.
Signs.
Everything about anyone else you try to date or interact with.
The whole shebang.
Go 5d me.
You can do it, lol
Anyways... it's late..
I'm not feeling the energy of writing my usual novels...
So I'll just say a prayer of gratitude and faith you...
I know I'll hear from you soon...
Once you set your pride down a few notches...
Until then...
Still, for some crazy reason, yours...*sigh*
~Empress
