I keep seeing visions of it...
I know you're thinking about it a lot...
Wondering what would've happened if I had kissed you then...would it have immediately ended what you started up w/the karmic? And if so...why didn't I take my chance? And why didn't I take my chance anyways? Didn't I want to kiss you? Didn't I want to be in that house w/you? Didn't I want to be w/you?
And why haven't I been "fighting" for you in the ways you expected me to? In the ways you'd have expected from all other women?
And why haven't I taken every opportunity to make you jealous or rile up your karmic? Why didn't I want to go to the park w/the two of you, and "get into it"? Why didn't I try to flirt w/you at our sons bday, when she could've seen? Why don't I try to come over anymore? Or let you take the car to your house so you can brat them w/how you're giving me the "ex benefits package"?
And even...why...if I really can "feel" everything and know so much about what you're going through, as I show you time and time again even when there's no logical concrete way I should otherwise be able to 'know'....is it that I haven't come in to rescue you? Or started trying to pressure you to come back to me?
And why haven't I ever just told you to "dump her", or done a bunch of things even through text, that I know would totally rile her up?
And why...if I really care as much as I say and show...have I allowed you to stay in the karmic circus as long as you have? And even w/o making you feel awful about it, as you feel you deserve...?
Though more than that...
I can feel you thinking about what it will be like when you have your next opportunity...to lean in and kiss me...and see what I do then...to see if I'll hold back again....to see if it's still as beautiful and magickal as it has always been when we kiss...to see if I really meant everything I said...
I get visions at night a lot recently...of you picturing all the ways you could come to me...driving up in the middle of the night and just crawling into bed w/me...holding me tight...inviting me out to dinner...driving up at night and asking me to meet you at the church parking lot, so you can let it all out and then get that one in a million hug from the only person it really matters to get it from and give it too...inviting me to your soon-to-be empty house...or sending me pics of the house, empty of everyone elses stuff, w/your studio set up and the bedrooms set up for the boys....and telling me that while you are rather heartbroken after what you've been through, that you're excited for this chapter...and sorry you didn't listen to me in the beginning...when I asked you to do that...and probably making some joke about how you were doing what I asked, and didn't even know it...cuz you're an adorable slow poke and you know it...
It's such a difference to how you were before...feeling like you could only do things one way or not at all, and that the one way in your mind was probably doomed to fail anyways...and now...it feels like you're seeing that you have so many options for how you could do it, and that I would likely accept any of them, and be grateful - no matter how big or small...
I love imagining you thinking about that. So thankyou, if you are sending those visions...
I can tell something is diff in your energy today too...after whatever "chaos" and towers happened this weekend...and that this piscean full moon and cardinal grand cross occuring as we speak, is opening up to you so many revelations from spirit...from your inner being...and from your heart...
I am excitedly waiting for the day that you share w/me your revelation that you didn't understand love until you met me, and then had the contrast of all the karmics you kept between us and then lived w/two for nearly a year - to see the real diff between what you thought was love, and what you had and could've had w/me....for when you tell everyone else that you're w/me cuz "the heart wants what the heart wants", rather than telling me that's why you're still w/her or anyone else....which really did hurt my love...deeply...
Though I have faith in spirit...and in you.
I know things have already changed in big ways, and are going to continue to, as the moon reaches it's peak fullness and centers the grand cross this evening...
Many readers have been affirming the visions I've had of a surprise visit from you soon...my heart says "yes please"...
*sigh*
Until next we speak...or meet...I love you...
You've got this <3
