Cuz I recognize the cycles and I know your patterns...the fact that you've brought your old Queen of Pents reversed back into the picture...plus her upcoming bday, which you used last year to create the separation from me, rather than being accountable to what we were trying to build...
In the 360, this is the 270 - a number I've been seeing a bunch of lately...this is the part where you start to pull away from her...first by letting go of what little good stuff there was in the beginning...then by accepting the reality that with the Queen of Swords Reversed, you'll never grow...never be able to build anything...you'll be in constant debt...and every time you scrape together some small piece of money, time for yourself, time for your kids, time for your friends, or for music, or anything that you love that fills you with life - she will find a way to steal it, trigger you too much to enjoy it, or talk you into using it on something she wants or makes you feel like a dick if you don't let her have. I know that is NOT how you want to live.
I also know, that spirit had me do out that outline the way I did, not just for the benefit of the kids; to also get you to admit just how bad it is. To have you go through weeks and weeks of trying to get some kind of peace and comfort and abundance and training her to be an empathetic and decent human being, only to find yourself blocked at every attempt until all you had left was to admit that you cannot protect the kids when they are with you - esp with her now refusing to let you do anything except go to work by yourself; and I'd imagine even that is limited.
I also know from all the things you've said to me over the last 9 months, that you feel trapped, you miss "us", you want our close friendship back, you want to get along, you want to be a good dad to your kids, you want to have time to play music, you want to be the KING of your castle, you know she's a narcissist, you've felt shit on by her and her WHOLE family multiple times, you're overdraft in all your accounts which I KNOW drives you up the wall, you aren't turned on by her, you feel smothered by her, you get ridiculed when you have any kind of healthy boundaries with her or her family, she invades your privacy constantly, and you regularly send me messages saying "omg! Chaos!"...
Yeah...your little display over the last few days, followed by clearly uninstalling your fb app, and turning what was not at all a fight into what looked like a fight TWICE - that you are getting ready to use the coming energy of 9/9 and 9/11, and likely your QoPr "friend" to free yourself from the QoSr, and get single very soon.
Which makes me happy, but I have to admit I also find it disgusting and am working on releasing resentments towards you doing that to me, which I did NOT deserve, and sending you prayers to help you through, as I know it is a part of the karma and consequences of you doing that to me, that you're now doing it to the QoSr too...and almost have to, in order to get free...
Uhg...yuck.
Just all of it.
You're gonna get several ear fulls when you're free. That's for sure. Cuz the fact that you tried to reason that it's "controlling" of me to keep the kids from going out with you alone or to your house until you agree to keep them safe emotionally and physically, because you're afraid of being ridiculed and made to feel like a dick around ppl who use and abuse you and who you have ZERO faith in to grow as ppl...I mean...honey...that is incredible GROSS.
Thankfully, I trust spirit to help you grow up from that quick, and to learn your lessons.
So glad for my relationship with spirit these days...which I have because of our journey, and that's part of what brings me back to you and to "us"...cuz of the growth and the freedom and the choice and the romanticism in it. Though baby...you gone have to eat alotta crow when this is over...better get your ketchup out...lol
