This afternoon was so funny.
I admit, I've been in a "mood" lately...procrastinating getting ready for school to start...wanting to spend time by myself...and just being rather gwumpy...
Though I told myself, that was no reason to be snippy w/the kids, or to get in the way of them getting to have fun - including w/me...even though I 'didn't wanna', lol.
Thankfully, spirit helped out and our youngest had a friend we haven't heard from all summer, who we ran into at the park, and was able to come over. I didn't even need to pick him up, as his gma decided to just come drop him off. Which is good, cuz the car is out of gas, and I'm super annoyed by that. Plus, I still haven't figured out which door is stuck open....ugh...see why I'm feeling gwumpy? lol
Anyways. They wanted to ride the quad, which I was told need to be "fixed" again. So I finished up what I thought was going to be an hour long tarot vid for yt, that cut off at 9 mins and didn't tell me. Then went to help fix the quad, and we found it just needed gas, lol.
Then our youngest friend got dropped off, and he was so good about giving his friend clear instructions and safety precautions. Though his friend was much like the Littlest Flower....who I miss so much...and was going through this "I know." and "you don't need to tell me. I already know".
I heard our youngest doing good just continuing to explain to him, but decided to support him anyways.
So I had his friend come talk to me, and I ask him to remember that just cuz he has ridden a quad before, doesn't mean he has ridden this one, and that I asked our youngest to make sure he got all the right safety precautions.
He then told me that he one time went to the Oregon dunes and road. ONE time. And he was so sure he had gone up to 50 mph on a quad by himself, years ago - when he would've been only 7, lol.
So...he kind of did what I said...and clearly didn't really listen, and shortly after - when I was talking to you, when the kid ran into the little wrought iron gate by the garden...lol
I find it funny that your response was simply "liability"...an insurance term...lol
Anyways. It was right after that, when the kid came over to me, and said that he 'didn't know' he would need more turning space or stopping time....and then got upset at our youngest for not showing him there was another brake...I went out and had a talk w/him, about how it was not fair of him to be mad at our youngest, as he was saying "I know" rather than listening, when our youngest was telling him where all that stuff was, and telling him about needing good turning space and stopping distance.
Then all three of us had a good laugh about how everyone has moments of "hubris" like that, when they think they "know" everything, and then find out they don't and find themselves needing to be the "humble" one.
Thankfully, his friend was good about taking in that lesson and learned.
Unfortunately, him running into the garden gate, got our youngest super nervous about that happening again, and didn't want to ride anymore.
I tried to talk to him about it, and help him feel more confident. Though he was pretty set.
Though the silly kid, in attempt to be nice to his friend, told him he could keep riding for another 30 minutes, while he stood around and watched.
I told him I had a better idea, and told his friend that the quad needed to "cool down" for a while, and asked if he wanted to play a VG or CG w/our youngest, and they both decided they'd play some minecraft and then some GTA (hope his mom is okay w/that, lol).
So now they're upstairs having a blast....and I finally have some peace and quiet...
Except for the fact that I want to text you...and keep thinking about you...
I feel like I can feel that you are "done" w/the circus situationship...and that you've recommitted to coming back to me...but that you're hesitating...and still stuck in immature energy cuz you don't have any money....and aren't sure that I really do want you, am still single, and won't reject you until you're at some incredible standard of perfectly mature that you think I expect from you, lol.
It's time for some big steps my love...
I can tell that you're getting ready to take them...
And I know...esp from the junebug...that even if you're not ready, spirit is going to push you out of the nest and teach you to fly anyways...
Until then...I'm trying not to show how excited I really feel...
And not even so much at the idea of reunion...actually, at the idea of seeing you get single and LOVE it. Love yoursef. Love your space. And get to enjoy that journey...cuz it's after that...when you realize how much you love your own company and can do so well when it's just you...that I know you'll miss sharing your life w/someone...having a true walksbeside...and that you'll immediately think of me...as you already are...
Anyways my love...in case you do see this blog soon...just know...that while I do have my standards...I'm not so rigid as to be unwilling to have a more casual connection w/you - even before you're officially free...I'm just not going to say that to you...if you want it...get brave and ask for it.
Worst thing you'll hear from me is "not right now"...and that's not even a full "no"....lol
Anyways my cabbit...I love you...always...
