Running from being at the house..
Telling myself the signs I see aren't real..
Now I'm sitting in the RV..
After spending most of the day in the car crying..
Feeling like I'm losing my magick..
Which feels like the cost..
Of giving you up..
Several times..
Some cars nearly ran into me..
And instead of being scared..
I felt like..
Wouldn't it be nice if it was out of my hands like that?
If it just happened?
So no one could blame me..
So I didn't have to be strong anymore..
Or honorable..
Or patient..
So I didn't have to sit here..
Feeling like I'm either the bravest person ever, for holding onto hope..
Or the biggest fool in the world..
In all the worst ways..
Idk..
Now I'm just sitting in silence..
Feeling the tears come and go from behind my eyes..
I don't want to hear the music..
I don't want to listen to the readers..
I don't want to watch movies that remind me of you no matter how much they shouldn't..
I don't want to be around the kids...who remind me of you most of all..
I don't want to be here either..
Though there's nowhere I can really go..
So I just sit here..
In the silence..
