There are many reasons I see, that I know why you "love the way I love you"...
Though in thinking about it throughout the years...
It's mostly because I've always been able to surprise you...
In being different than other women...other people in general...
From jumping on you in the attic...to leaving a permanent feeling on your nipple and ears...
Even down to this...being quiet and not mad...even though I miss you...holding boundaries...even though you put in more effort than before....even though the consequences mean I lose too...at least temporarily...
Funny thing is...I know that when you finally reach out again...ready to do what I ask, and make amends, and be the best dad you can be...and pick me up in your arms and swing me around with the biggest smile on your face...when that day comes...you'll be surprised on the day you remember I predicted it...and the day you want to do it...and then on the day you do it...EVEN though I called it...just like you're surprised every time I pull your ears...and touch and rub and press your other special buttons...you know it's coming...though it always surprises you...that's part of the fun...and it's something you really only get from me...even just in our friendship...and in our memories...I know that whenever you think about me, and remember me, and think about the future of us...you are surprised...not that you're thinking about me...or enjoying the memories...but that there are so many there...so many great ones...cuz I care...cuz I am creative...cuz of all the "purple ducks"...cuz I'm not like anyone else...no matter how much you've tried to put me in the boxes you're used to ppl fitting into...you've never been able to...and I know you absolutely LUFF that about me...
I've been thinking a lot about the reasons you love me...love loving me...and especially in the moments you're quiet...when I know you're dealing w/your darkness...I get hit w/my own 'drop'...and I have to go back and remind myself...that our love is more powerful than any others we've had...and likely will have...that we didn't have the kind of relationship that made you want to end live, it makes you want to LIVE life...and that my love...that I'm allowed for at least a few minutes...to believe...that my love has been strong enough, and pure enough, and incomparible enough, that you no longer want to end life...you want to experience it...and that you can go through as many other partners as you like...and find yourself...always thinking about...and wanting me...
I've spent my whole life not feeling "special"....or special enough...esp since I met you, and you've constantly gone back to toxic women over me...and that's been my issue to heal...to learn to FEEL more than special enough. Magickal even. Irresistible. Divine.
I know that I am now. And not in a conceited way. Not in an entitled way. It doesn't mean you must want me or even will def be w/me even if you do. It just means that I'm not shitting on myself anymore, just because you've been replaying cycles w/toxic women cuz you can Predict how they behave and how you will feel w/them - which you could do w/me too...lol...you just have to allow yourself to believe in real love again...
I know you're close...
Your silence tells me so...
