There's a "feeling" that a friend and I have dubbed "Jello"...
When you feel things happening around you, and feel like you need to be doing something or stopping doing something, and also like the best thing to do at the moment is nothing at all.
Which is similar to how I feel right now.
Especially over your bratty insurance mess...
I don't want to do what you ask, cuz I don't want to contribute to screwing you over just to avoid rocking the boat...though that feels awful, cuz I also don't want to not to what you ask...
Though this feels like a 270 - where I'm once again facing the challenge of choosing whether to do the right thing and not give in...at least not yet...or to give in cuz I really hate it when you're mad at me...and I know I'm going to choose to do the right thing...
And I know that in the end, you'll appreciate it...
Though in the meantime...I worry that you'll not have faith in me..
Which kicks up thoughts that leave muddy footprints across my mind...
And how I might be monsterized or blamed for drama in the green house...
Or how I might be "just like ex's"...
Lots of energies...
I feel I'm also feeling your feelings...
Afraid...lost...bullied...trying to repress your fears..
Playing out childhood wounds...
And w/you saying all of the sudden you're completely broke again...
With where we are in the cycle...which I hope you heed my warnings about...
When you got screwed hard financially...emotionally...spiritually...
I want to ride in and clean away all the karmic energy...
To "save" you...and do what feels like saving myself too...
Though I know that's likely to result in me being seen as the 'bad guy'...rather than the savior...
As has happened over the last 20 years...and even before that in my childhood...
Guess that's what I'll go work on...
While I figure out if I'm supposed to act...or not...
And the rest of the time...
Get back to my place faith in spirit and us...
