As I finished that last post...and let the waterfalls free themselves from my eyes...I decided to go inside and get more coffee...and something to put in my tummy...cuz despite the fact that I feel repulsed by the idea of eating...my body still screams at me if I go too long w/o eating...and what really sucks about that...is I never feel "full"...like I'm always starving...just less starving when I eat something...which is how it felt when you first left...not just this year...all the times 19 years ago...every time you left...and it feels that way now...as I can feel you "leaving" me again...temporary or not...
And when I went to look out the kitchen window...and stared at some liquor on the counter, thinking about if that would take away the pain...for a little while...I saw that it had begun pour outside...and I heard the phrase, "when you weep...the earth weeps with you..."
Then I saw some cheesecake oreos on the counter...and that reminded me of Cabbie...and the nights you made sure you had some carrot cake oreos...and were telling me you were going to come find me for your bday...it feels like it's time for another cabbie and whiskey night...
I hope you share it w/me this time too...
Though I won't expect it...having such expectations w/you...hurt...
