Mostly to clear my head..
And got to thinking..
I've been through hard breakups before..
So why is this one so hard?
Like, TF's or not, why is it so hard to just enjoy life and let you do your thing?
I know you're cycles.
I know your heart is with me.
I know you're holding onto the strings.
So why is it hard to just release fully?
Then I realized..
The big breakups I've been through..
I always had you to look forward to..
And I was already hurting the whole time with them...
Wanting to be with you..
Which is why this feeling isn't foreign..
I know it well..
Just not from any time I've left another..
Nor any of the times they supposedly moved on after me (I laughed to realize none of them ever really did. They see me as 'the one who got away'. Crazy huh?)
Though when with them, for me..
It was like accepting a consolation prize..
"Settling"..
Cuz I didn't feel I could be with you at the time, and was trying to move on forever.
Though I couldn't.
So I just accepted that feeling.
Let it settle in.
And when it came time for those situationships to end, I didn't feel sad.
I feel free.
I knew I could find you or that you'd come find me; like we've continuously done since the first time we met.
I was always nervous you'd be in a "taken" part of your cycle, though you only were once, and I just had to wait.
Not that I knew that at the time.
I just wished you happiness and did my best not to look too pathetic, lol.
Though now, the funny thing is..
I know you're already here.
In your heart and your mind.
It's just your ego and body that aren't here just yet.
And that's only a matter of time.
Soon you'll fulfill what I told you months ago.
That you don't have to worry about me showing up, cuz you're coming to me.
I have ideas on "when" that will be, though idk for sure.
And you're free will plays a huge part in that.
I just know it's happening.
And that's all I need to know.
It's actually a much more comforting thought than you might think.
Though it's not everything.
Which is what I'm trying to figure out now.
Just being happy as I am
With all I currently have
Knowing everything is unfolding in perfect Divine timing
Bringing things together better then either of us could ever imagine..
I'll figure it out..
Probably about the same time you find your courage again, lol
