I look forward to the moment you feel that feeling somewhere between "I can't take it anymore", and "I'm excited to tell her I'm free...that I'm coming.."
Then the moments when I'm able to share what Spirit showed me when we were connected, and how it's showing me all the same stuff now, filling me with such a fun and incredible faith in you, in me, in spirit, and absurdly enough - in karmics, lol
Most esp funny to me, is the readers who've been very on target, who are now echoing exactly what I feel is happening:
Recycles.
You're trying to avoid that big ending with the rQoS, that you know needs to happen.
That you actually did already; this time last year.
When you were actively chosing to heal.
The same ending you avoided with me back then, and are avoiding with me now.
Though she's in old me spaces.
So you working late and pretending everything is fine, won't work for her.
Even moreso because we aren't connecting.
She might not be the brightest bulb in the drawer, but she's not exactly stupid and she knows that our connection matters to you.
Most esp cuz of the kids.
That's why she worked so hard to try to destroy it.
And now that it feels like that might've actually happened, she's questioning it, and likely driving you nuts between constantly needing reassurance and looking for "evidence" to back up that it's really "done".
Which is hard to find when you won't actually allow it to be done.
By just not talking to me, you're keeping everything active, and even if you can convince her of that intellectually, she can FEEL that's not true.
Same as me.
Same as everyone around you, whether you choose to acknowledge that or not.
Ironically, you're also trying to do that with her and the ending that's already been happening.
Though I recognize that in the moves you made, I already got all the answers.
You just need space.
You're keeping our connection.
You'll correct things with the boys and me and everyone else, when you've had time by yourself and faced your bigger karma.
And once that's done, you'll reappear and do things right.
Just as you always do.
Though for her, that faith isn't there.
She doesn't know you that well.
She doesn't know herself that well.
She doesn't know me that well.
And the whole reason you manifested each other, is because of the lack of faith in each other and in yourselves.
Which is why you've both harassed each other with insecurities and negative head games that have lead to the current dynamics.
And if I'm right that she's either an unhealthy 8 or 2 type, then in feeling the lack of hard evidence that your shifty crabby self will never give her, and feeling like she's losing all control over everything after you and I changed the game, will drive her to try to seek intimacy through conflict in toxic ways, thinking that because you and I do that with each other, that that's what she needs to do to get you back...
Not knowing that you as a 6 type can only handle a certain amount of conflict, and that I'm very thoughtful and loving about all the fights I allow to happen between us, and know when to actually back off and give you real space.
As you already noted this last summer, a little after this time now.
I expect you're seeing that again now or will soon.
Either way, I know I'm correct, and I know the readers I've been following a while, are correct too.
That rn, she's overfixating, splitting, and self sabetoging - as are you.
Though you're actually on your way UP in vibes, and starting to apply what you've learned over this last year.
Esp the thing about not accepting every fight that comes at you.
Which scares her more.
The lack of ability to stir your pot, means no ability to control you or maintain the cycles she's become accustomed to with you.
Which means back to the days when she texted you every five mins, and showed up at your work often to make sure I wouldn't, and triangulating you with her ex's and family, and going even more overboard about trying to keep you busy, demand you participate in everything; dinner, shopping, sex, fighting, family stuff, etc...
Esp as, even if you were completely "fine" with where things sit in the 3d with you and me and the boys, and what's coming with the courts if you don't turn things around before then, there is NO WAY she'll believe that, cuz she does what you used to - sees everyone else as projections of herself.
She's unable to understand that you have transcended that old you stuff.
And so now, she faces the karma in that she spent so much time trying to keep you in a box in a world where I was the enemy trying to "force" enlightenment on you (as if that were possible, lol), and convincing you that it was impossible that any person could really be that mature, drama free, and well meaning - now she's turning herself against you, cuz the only way for you to stay away from me, is to go UP in vibration.
Well, okay..
You could go down into the dark vibes with her, though you've spent so much time shit talking me and saying you don't want me, only to be caught in your own lies and inconsistencies about that, that even if you really did momentarily feel that way rn, she could never let herself believe that.
Not just because you've proven itself not true; moreso because of her poor self esteem.
Just like you, she doesn't believe she's good enough to have genuine healthy love, or that she's worthy of it even if she could find it.
So it's easier to believe it doesn't exist, and to try to "accept" that's the way the world is and that she just has to make sure she keeps careful control over everything and every one around her.
I have the string sense that you're doing what I did about this time last year in the cycle; Releasing Control.
Letting this unfold as they will.
To a degree.
Cuz you still don't want to face the world in your head, that you think will be upset at you when you allow things to end with her..
Even though you sorely want the freedom you know you deserve and that will earn healthy pride from you and for you, esp from those who really care about you.
Though because you called her in to grow and help you face yourself, she's going to do exactly what she came into this life to do for you; bully you into it.
She's in a space I never really let myself get into no matter how much I want to.
She prides herself on forcefulness, bullying, violence, and taking things to extremes.
Much like your other ex's.
A road where I def diverge from them.
A road you diverge from them too.
Though because she's used to that, feels it's safest to maintain control, and will push and push and push until it's either better or completely blown up - an energy YOU actually showed me she was in by how you were acting and what you told me she was doing, that confirms for me that rn, while you and I are taking space from am our strings, that she's pushing hard.
Not even knowing that your freedom is Manifesting through her own hands.
Not fully.
You want that freedom.
You also don't know that in avoiding things with someone like her, and by not making a clean break with me, that she's playing out the role of the person you were with right before me; the same one you dreamt about around this time in the cycle...
Whom you were telling you couldn't be with, because you were with me..
The radiant one standing there in pink looking adorable and mystical 😏
She'll push and push
And you won't budge.
It wouldn't even matter if you really wanted to do that stuff with me
It's in your bratty 6 type nature to do the opposite of anything you're told to do, most esp by anyone who has made themselves an authority figure in your life.
Which you'll do even if you don't know you're doing it.
And because I'm not doing anything
There's nothing to hide behind about what I'm doing.
So all the things she might bring up about me, will just annoy you more because you already have a really hard time not thinking about me and not feeling bad about where things sit.
And it'll also show you who she really is
Who I really am
And most importantly; who YOU really are and are choosing to be.
Anyways.
Just some thoughts on my mind 😎
