It's 4:11...
Just coming back to reality from a strange exp of intense vertigo...
Your sister and our nephews came over..
I was already feeling strange, but not too bad.
I wanted to socialize but felt like I just needed space to write..
So I took it..
Sat on the front porch and wrote..
Then I got up and I was fine..
Until I wasn't... Be
I felt super dizzy and weak..
And when I sat down to put my head between my legs my ears were ringing super loud and at the same time it felt like I couldn't hear anything...
Then I saw a vision of you fighting, with Lion spirit pushing you on..
Giving you the courage..
And the words...
It feels now, like you're thinking a lot about how you should've listened to me in the first place...
And all the times since the first time..
Like you've been faced with big betrayal from the rQoS...
And like you're deciding to do so now..
It also feels like you're now seeing, or soon to understand what I meant..
About how and why you want someone who wants you she doesn't neeeed you, and not someone who feels they need you andor doesn't feel they have other options...
It also feels like that Leon Bridges song "Beyond" is coming in...
The chorus "don't you think it's foolish if I don't rush in?"
And "I'm scared to death that she might be it...that the love is real...that the shoe might fit...she might just be my everything, and beyond...beyond..."
Like although you're rushing out if the circus ship over there...
That you're ready to do things right with me and the boys...
To come correct..
As the Emporer who no longer picks up the staff of the "King of Drama"...
You know what's funny?
I'm realizing in this moment, how comforted with the memories of you calling yourself that...
Of you showing me you sowed the seeds and secured the roots of your manifestation of no longer being the "King of Drama"...
It feels like the only cooperative component you're missing, is what you DO want to be...
It feels like that's what spirit is showing you..
And it's also the 360 of what we were going through last time in this cycle..
Where everyone was asking you "what do you WANT?"
And I spent countless moments and words trying to find a pithy way to explain that all you needed to do was upgrade your mindset just a little..
Take it off what you don't want..
And put it on what you DO want...
I'm sending you prayers now...
Of this clarity...
That you're seeing right now..
That you're Re-Membering our talks...
That it's calming and soothing you to think about how it really is that easy..
Just think about what you do want..
If you don't like being the "KoD" anymore, then what do you want to be now?
What's the opposite of "drama"?
As far as I can tell, the way you use that word, it seems like you use it to refer to conflict, warring, reactivity, and big emotions...
Dis ease...
Pressure...
Circusry & mischief of the toxic kind...
It feels like that's one meaning..
Like the other one, is what you see in yourself when you are in this dimension...
Avoiding accountability..
Not thinking ahead..
Letting yourself be controlled...
Being far too controlling...
Lying...
So what's the opposite of those things that you want to be and exp?
Honesty.
Honor.
Forethought.
Accountability.
Self control.
Healthy boundaries...
Freedom...4:44pm..
Trusting your Intuition..
Listening to those who want the best for you...
Listening to yourself..
To your heart...
That's Emperor energy..
The masculine who has taken in all the lessons of all four kings..
King of Cups; comfortable with his emotions and those of others; funding strength in genuine vulnerability.
King of Wands; easy communicator who holds healthy boundaries and passion for life...
King of Swords; who thinks just the right amount and speaks the truth, most especially to himself..
King of Pentacles; grounded and honorable, smart with money. He has firm roots that cannot be pulled up unless he chooses for it to be so.
They all come together along with the integrated energy of the four Queen's, to manifest within you the energy of the Emporer...
As I started calling you this time last year..
It feels like those are the things you want and are learning to see..
In your own way..
At your own pace..
With your own words..
Guided by your own grandfathers and grandmothers...
There's something comforting about thinking about all this...
And writing it down here for you to see at some future moment..
Or even now, if the cards are correct and you have been reading the whole time while using the "private browsing" tab, so I can't see that you do read them...
I'd love a timeline where that is happening..
Where you've been reading along the whole time..
Feeling good about all these words...
About the loyalty and devotion..
About the wisdom imparted..
About the safe way for you to know what's really on my mind most of the time..
For the inspiration to write yourself..
Which I just realized..
You know..
About the time you started really with the Cabbie stories..
Was when my computer corrupted and lost all the work I'd been putting into the SoU novel I'd started writing, I decided to stop writing it and start working on other things so as not to be putting so much energy into "us", cuz I saw that you were using that good energy from me, to keep feeding the circus over there...
And spirit found a thousand ways to make it clear I needed to have the faith to stop doing that, let you fight your own battles, let you see the energy you were left with when mine isn't there...
And have faith that you would never chose to stay in that...
That you would most definitely free yourself...
Which is fun, cuz that means you picked up the story writing where I left off..
Which also means you carried it at least to the point in the spiralcycle where I first started doing that...
Which was actually a product of me documenting all the enhanced intuition that came in after you left, and then having you confirm so much of what I had visions about, not even knowing that I knew it before it happened...
Also, I find it interesting that your most recent stories haven't had Bunnie in them.
Which feels appropriate.
Cuz me being Bunnie and being so removed from your 3d life, should reflect in your stories..
Anyways..
I know much of this is jumbled..
Rabbit trails and holes that likely won't make much sense on their own..
Though just as I learned to understand your rabbit trails, and was always able to remind you of where you started and what you intended to focus on, I know you have learned and are recognizing you know about me too..
And that whether you read this now or later, it'll make sense when it's meant too..
And you'll deeply appreciate it...
And find the magick in it...
Welp..
It's 5:02...
Feels like a good place to leave this post be..
And go back to my prayers for you to choose yourself..
To have the clarity to see what you really want..
And go after it..
Whether I or the boys are included in that or not...
Cuz that's what my heart really really wants..
Far more then the intense yearning for you to come love on me and let me love on you while we joyfully and gratefully raise our boys...
Is my deep yearning for you to just learn to be happy..
To love yourself..
To choose yourself..
To choose the light..
To show yourself you have the biggest "balls" of them all, and are the most honest, honorable, accountable, redeemable, and courageous man ever...
I have faith in you doing that...
Now and always..
