Dear Cabbit...the park...

I'm sitting at the park by the yellow house, thinking about all the times our youngest has been pointing out to me all the cars and trucks that look like yours, and all the ppl who he thought were almost you, and how he has felt like you're gonna show up any minute and make things right..

I hesitate to tell him that I have been seeing the same signs and syncs, and feeling the same way.

Like you're just gonna show up to Mirkwood, and this park, and the house, and other places you know we go.

That you're gonna show up alone and he the dad we know and love..

Except even better..

Full of empathy and ready to make our boys your biggest life priority and never let anyone get in the way of that again..

Our youngest told me yesterday that he's decided to lean into what he's seeing and work on manifesting you to come to the park and play with him.

He's adorable, cuz for him, he much more wants you to be nice to me, they he wants you to play with him.

He wants both.

He's just been emphasising that he wants you to be nice to me again.

This feels like the times after you left, before the first granite buzz inn meal, when I told you how hard it was to leave you be when our very own kids were calling you in and showing me constantly..

And then you told me about how the rQoS was playing unkle Kracker on repeat and doing a ton of things that reminded you of me..

And you'd send be pics of all the signs and syncs you'd see at work and at the stores..

I trust and have faith in spirit and you enough to know that's going on on your end now, just like it was then.

And it feels like if I just leave you in that, you'll naturally do the right things.

That you'll come back to you.

Be the good boy that you really are.

Which is both easy and hard.

I'll explain another time though.

For now...time to refocus...

Rabble...